It's JUST his ASPERGERS!!

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a saying i am getting sick of.
My boyfriend and i have known eachother since November last year. and we started Dating at the begining of this year.
But everytime something goes wrong, his aspie rage n all that follows with an upset aspie male and i hear from his family "its just his aspergers"

So its okay that His aspergers is abusive
that he runs away from the problem. Its been a week, i accidently broke up with him. He wont come and let me sort it out.
I hear "just wait, be patient, it's his ASPERGERS."

I have AS, my best friend has AS, my BFF has AS. and a lot of other people i know have AS.

I am begining to wish he would just grow up and be a man instead of acting like this child who cant get their own way. Being aspie myself I often am childish but i face my problems. I am also loyal thus i am standing by him, but I really do not know what to do with his childish behaviour. Also his aspie rage is dangerous. His sister is scared to get hurt by him if she tried to intervein.
I dont know I really love him. I am just so sick of hearing ""it's his ASPEGERS" as an excuse cause no one wants to deal with his behaviour. I am sick and tired of him being able to get away with anything and everyone just turning their backs on his bad behaviour.

I feel so helpless...

It's been a week, while he now talks to me, as soon as i try to head the subject in the area of teh accidental break up which hurt me a lot, and he said to me "I am not trying to hurt you." but he has and it did, and his childish actions are destroying me.
it's hard enough I have to deal with university, my family who refuses to believe i am an aspie, and now this with the guy i love.

Should I confront him about it? and if so how should I do it - i dont want to make things worse for him or I.

I just cant keep going on like this, something has got to give.

Also Aspergers, why is it the end all of excuses? why must people just say it and then turn a blind eye to their aspie family members behaviour, even though its clearly hurting many people.

I dont understand.

Sorry for my long-ish post. =/

In "Thinking in Pictures" Temple Grandin credits her mother with not letting her get away with bad behavior as a major reason why she grew up to be fairly well balanced and capable of dealing with the outside world. Ignoring bad behavior can become a tacit acceptance of that behavior. Why should your boyfriend change if no one demands that he be a better person.

My father, also an Aspie, has always been very good at getting his way and my mother seemed to feel she had no option but to let him have his way. As a result, he is now extremely rigid and severely restricts my NT mother's ability to do the things she wants.

Hopefully others can offer suggestions as to how to address the issue with your boyfriend, but if he is unwilling to change, do not stay with him. You could very well end up feeling like a prisoner in the relationship.

It depends. It can be very difficult for someone with Aspergers to put in a stressful full day at work, and then spend a few more hours in the evening helping out with chores. I think this is also true for NTs, it is just that what is easy for normal people can be very difficult for Aspies, like talking to demanding customers all day. But, it can also be argued that someone like that isn't ready for a new relationship--they have other issues that need to be sorted out first.

Well if he is behaving in a terrible manner intentionally and using AS as an excuse then he is being kid of an ass, I mean AS is not an excuse for such a thing.

If he's having some difficulties with his symptoms and is unable to control it then that is a different matter and maybe he should get help with that.

However from your post it does not specify what behavior is a problem, so that's all I can really say based on the info provided.

Sounds like he's being overbearing, which might be insinuated by the mental instability and acceptance of his family. But people are all different. I myself would rather be single than in a relationship where fighting and drama goes on. If he's not taking "don't talk to me" as a sign to leave you alone, and you have to block him on facebook. Then its probably a good thing you guys are broken up...

But I suspect your problems lie in your personality's and nothing more. All this "I have aspergers", "No, I HAVE ASPERGERS!" talk is quite childish. Your not even diagnosed.... This whole thing sounds like its going to end in a giant explosion, with a lot of kicking and screaming.

I think a big part of what led to my last breakup was the way my ex and his family interact. They're a very small family, just him and his mom and his older sister. He has issues with anger and frustration, and I thought for a long time that the argumentative/hurtful behavior was something that they all did...after a while it started to become apparent that there's an imbalance there, and that he's the one who is most often being angry and sullen and the other people in his life kind of tiptoe around it, or just won't call him out on things.

He's not a bad person by any means but it is starting to seem to me like he was given the impression through his childhood that loving someone means being able to lash out at them emotionally (not physically, he is not abusive)when frustrated or angry and have them accept it.

I'm not trying to derail this topic, I just thought this experience might somehow reflect a part of yours.

I sense that he maybe further along the spectrum.

He shouldn't abuse you if he gets angry or upset, he should just let it all out in tears and let you know why he's upset instead....that would be a better solution.

Tell him that from me.