Second thoughts about a girl I just met in a dance club

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On Thursday night, me and my friend went to see a midnight showing of Hunger Games. The movie was awesome! It really gets to you in a good way, and makes you question things. Somehow, it even inspired me to act bold and outgoing, which led to the series of events that happened the next night.

I spent most of Friday in a bit of a daze from the movie, although I still managed to focus enough to do my work. For some reason, the line "May the odds be ever in your favor" got stuck in my head. The workday ended, and I drove straight home, since I was going out to a club with a group of people. One of my distant friends organized a big outing, and invited me.

We got to the club, sat at a table, and started to load up. At one point, I needed a cigarette, so I went out on the patio alone. There was a girl standing there with two guys next to her (I later found out that they were just her friends), and she called me over.
"Hey, can you let me use a lighter? My square burned out."
"Sure." <hands lighter to girl>
"Don't worry, we won't steal it." <uses lighter>
"You seem like a fun, mellow group; I didn't even think of that." <takes back lighter>
I made small talk with her and the guys for about 15 minutes, introducing myself in the process. The conversation was good, but then I wanted to check back with my group and see what they're up to. I politely excused myself and left.

Over a hour must have passed since then. I sat with my group for some time, then briefly wandered around the club, trying to find the girl. I hoped to get her alone and dance with her, but she was nowhere to be found. I gave up looking for her, and decided to focus on enjoying my night in other ways.

I later had another urge for a cigarette. When I went back on the patio, I saw the same girl, only this time, standing with five guys and another girl. She recognized me: "Hey, there you are!". She ran up to me and gave me an warm and emotional but sloppy-looking hug. While she was hugging me, she pressed her body against me, and rubbed her hair against my face. I introduced myself to the new people, and we started talking. Somehow, the topic went to smuggling Cuban cigars. Now, I have a cruise coming up, so I had a lot to contribute; namely, about which cruise ships have the best itineraries going ports that sell Cubans.

It must have been the "May the odds..." line that motivated me to show romantic interest in the girl. Once I got the vibe that she was comfortable with me, I started blatantly flirting with her (I was too drunk to remember how exactly.) I lost track of how long the conversation lasted, but all throughout, the girl was being very affectionate: pressing against me, rubbing her hair on me, and intertwining my fingers with hers. The guys seemed to try to interfere at first, then switched gears and started encouraging things, like egging me on to go dance with her. (She said "I can't dance now, I might fall and break something.") She talked in a high-pitched, damsel-in-distress tone of voice, but I found it strangely intriguing, rather than off-putting like I usually would.

At the end, she gave me her number, and almost suddenly, took off with her friends. Luckily, not without giving a emotional but sloppy hug. With a huge smile on my face, I went back to my group. By then, they split off into subgroups; some went off elsewhere in the club, and a few people left. We hung out for another 30 minutes, then we all went home.

Next morning, sunlight came streaming into my window, and the harsh reality set in. And like in previous situations, I found myself second-guessing my decision to ask for the phone number in the first place. She seemed to be more like the kind of girl to have a fun night out in a club with, rather than someone to seriously date. Granted, if she's as affectionate when sober as when drunk, she'd be a great girlfriend. But her ditzy, damsel-in-distress behavior, while incredibly fun that night, won't exactly mesh with my non-club personality. And clumsy hugs, while totally awesome that night, when my (and her) brain was flooded with alcohol, are probably a lot less fun in broad daylight.

Anyway, what's your reading of the whole thing? So far, I did try to call her on Sunday early afternoon and left a voicemail, but haven't heard back yet. Oh well, with all the second thoughts I'm having, maybe it's for the best.

Maybe she just wants to be casual friends. My suggestion would be to relate to her that way. Leave her a voicemail that requires action on her part. Tell her something like "you really seem like an interesting person; let me know when you are going to be at the club again and I'll try to be there that night too" If she calls you back , you can assume she is interested. If she doesn't call back you'll know she isn't.

you have nothing to lose....


may the odds be in your favor
hehe, I'm going to have to see this movie now if it instilled you the mental state to get a girls number at a club

I have a friend who's a girl, and we never do any of the things that girl did with me. Maybe a light hug sometimes, but nothing more. The girl from the club, on the other hand, was very physical with me. I'm not sure if friends (the non-FWB find) do things like give each other full-body hugs and intertwine fingers unless they're playing mercy. At least not in my experience, maybe it's a norm in her group of friends to be that physically affectionate; although I didn't see her do more than a typical hug with the guys she came with. And if she had a boyfriend, the guys would have stopped me early on. Instead, they said or did nothing, while I was putting my arm around her and playing with her hair in plain sight; she didn't object either.

Still, the casual friends thing sounds nice. If it evolves into a "friends with benefits" arrangement, it'll be my dream; it'll mean that I have finally mastered the fine art of meeting women. And the odds aren't abysmally low, either; the girl is in college (8 years younger than me), and FWB's is a common arrangement at that age. (I realize FWB gets a bad rap around WP, but I'd still like to find one.) The only stopping factor is that I have to see if she's indeed romantically interested, and wasn't just being super-affectionate due to her drunkenness and comfort level with me. Sunlight and hangovers have a strange way of giving you second thoughts about the people you met late at night, and that's if you didn't go home with them.

Either way, may the odds be ever in my favor.

Lots of different girls and women out there; don't be too automatically set on "well, the ones I'm used to don't behave like that if they aren't thinking A, B, and/or C."

Take it a bit at a time, and don't miss out on other fun waiting for a call back. In fact, try not to miss out on fun stuff ever due to waiting.

Yes, I realize that different girls/women have different boundaries when it comes to friendship. But where does the boundary lie? Is it a specific type of hug, and if so, what points of contact must there be before the line is crossed? Is it holding hands, and what position must fingers be in? Is it making out? (Girls making out with each other for attention doesn't count.) Clearly, there has to be some kind of a benchmark that tells me what's what.

Don't get me wrong. The affection that girl gave me that night, even if non-sexual, had me on an emotional high all weekend and part of Monday. And she seemed like a great combination of a party girl and a damsel in distress (due to the tone of voice she spoke in). But I don't know how well I'll be able to integrate her into my daily life; she just seemed too wild, more fitting as an escape than a part of my life. Then again, I haven't seen her act sober yet, so time will tell.

One other thing. In about a month, I'm going on a cruise, by myself. For quite some time, I was worried that it'll be a lonely experience, that I won't meet anyone, etc. But that night has given me so much hope! If I was able to get tons of affection and make five guys think I'm cool, in an aspie-hostile environment like a nightclub, I'll definitely be able to pull it off in a mellow, laid-back environment of a cruise ship. "May the odds...", well you know.