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imunderoathnow
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07 Mar 2012, 1:03 am

Have any guys on here had any luck with finding friends with benefits type of relationships or hookups?

I'm pretty open to whatever develops, but I'm not just looking for a serious girlfriend.

Any guys who have had some success have any advice to share? I would love to hear it. Thanks!



Krychek
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07 Mar 2012, 1:31 am

I've had a little success with that.

I sometimes prefer it, because I like sex, just not near as often as your average guy likes/wants it.
Whereas in a relationship, girls want sex consistently (if you're "lucky"), and tend to get hurt, or mad when you don't want to, thinking there is something wrong or that you are not attracted to them [anymore].
This is from my experience, anyways.

As far as advice, I'm not sure I could give you any.. Friends with benefits, for me, have pretty much always been girls that I've hooked up/had sex with very soon after meeting them. Usually, if it's someone that you've known a while, and start hooking up with, it turns into a full on relationship.

Any of these situations can turn out to be a very good, or very bad thing..
once again, this is from my experience.


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imunderoathnow
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07 Mar 2012, 9:15 pm

I guess I maybe should have clarified- if you could talk about how you met that person (like at a bar, somewhere online, or if they were already in your circle of friends)- how did you establish that there was interest? Right now finding the person would be the main issue.



hyperlexian
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07 Mar 2012, 10:55 pm

imunderoathnow wrote:
Have any guys on here had any luck with finding friends with benefits type of relationships or hookups?

I'm pretty open to whatever develops, but I'm not just looking for a serious girlfriend.

Any guys who have had some success have any advice to share? I would love to hear it. Thanks!

you're looking for the Holy Grail. there are a few men on WP who have found something similar. some seemed happy with the arrangement, and others were less so. but i think it's harder to obtain than a relationship for the majority of men.


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Krychek
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07 Mar 2012, 11:28 pm

imunderoathnow wrote:
I guess I maybe should have clarified- if you could talk about how you met that person (like at a bar, somewhere online, or if they were already in your circle of friends)- how did you establish that there was interest? Right now finding the person would be the main issue.


Well I've met alot of girls from not only going to bars, but working in them. But having a specific circle of friends is a huge factor.
I have absolutely no "game", and of course I'm shy and awkward. Alcohol usually helps that.. only to a certain point, though.

I think the key is to find certain things/lifestyles that you are interested in, but also that females are interested in.

For me personally, I've done ok with socializing, only because of the certain groups/types of people I've been around because of skateboarding, indie music (like hardcore, punk, metal, indie rock, etc..), and tattoos. Through all this, I have developed a certain sense of style in the way I dress, which helps alot. I'm not saying to purposely dress like the people you want to be around, but alot of times, a certain "look" will just become more appealing to you if you are around it alot, and it's what you're interested in.

I find that when you hang around people with these more specific interests, you meet more girls, and ones that have alot of the same interests. And alot more casual hook-ups are available, as opposed to just going out to a random bar, even with a couple of friends.

I did used to have a little luck meeting girls online, but it was on different websites before facebook, or even myspace.. And those sites were more targeted at people with the same interests, and the people almost always ended up connecting back to someone you know within those types of groups.


I don't know if that helps, or even if I explained that right(if not, let me know)..
I would like to help with this, because I've actually been trying to think about how to write tips for other aspies, based on how I've managed to at least have the option of sex, and fairly consistently, all while having very poor social skills..

Also, being a quiet/shy person can work to your advantage.. I've been told by girls that what attracted them to me is that I'm "mysterious"(or something similar), and that they want to/just have to know why I seem so "uninterested" in them. I guess you just have to put yourself in the right environment, around people(girls) with very common interests for that to work.


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danmac
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08 Mar 2012, 3:45 pm

i hate to say it but first of all there right, you can't seem interested(it's a kind of give a little than take away type of thing)
next, learn to please her(not all are the same, what is good for some.....)become interested and explore, intercourse should be the last thing on your mind. you can't just ask her how she likes it, you have to feel her out(pun intended). once your comfortable w/ yourself in that roll you'll do a lot better. from there, trust me word will get out and as long as your comfortable, IT WILL. women talk about sex alot more than guys do, and not all guys can get a women off(and some don't try).
thrid, don't kiss and tell. in my begaining that was alot of my success, women love sex too, but if they are known to have many partners, they get s**t for it.
so there you go, confadence(SP) can not be learned by reading about it, go experince life, love, laugh and have fun. the rest will fall in place.

oh, ya, don't be creepy......women already have all they need in that department


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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08 Mar 2012, 4:18 pm

In the past, yes. This was my hallmark for a long time. I don't do it anymore, but at this point I think it may be the only type of relationship I'm capable of.

Still won't do it. I'm not willing to go through all the pitfalls again.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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08 Mar 2012, 4:25 pm

imunderoathnow wrote:
I guess I maybe should have clarified- if you could talk about how you met that person (like at a bar, somewhere online, or if they were already in your circle of friends)- how did you establish that there was interest? Right now finding the person would be the main issue.


I only went for friends as I am demisexual and didn't want to sleep with someone I wasn't attracted to.


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simon_says
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08 Mar 2012, 5:03 pm

The easiest route is serial monogamy. Just explain up front that you arent looking for anything serious and if that sentiment is shared... there you go. I don't see how a casual relationship differs much from friends with benefits except maybe in duration. If you want a long term situation? Ive never heard of that beyond an affair. An affair is kind of like a friends with benefits because they'll usually expect less of your time. It's an escape or hobby.