Finding people from good old past I used to ignore

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Back in the good old days I was obsessed about finding the dates on the internet. I spent hours on dating sites and kept failing, hating myself more and more that no one likes me. Eventually I found two long term girl friends -- one lasted a year and the other two years -- but neither of which were really healthy relationships. I would have been better off with someone else.

Now, while I was at that whole thing, there were three girls who appeared to be interested in me. But you see, I was over-focused on dating sites, while these three girls met me in the ''real life'' (one was a waitress in the restaurant, the other was working in a store and yet another one at Jimmy Jones). So when they tried to talk to me it never even occurred to me that they were one of the "girls". Instead, they were just some "obstacles" that prevent me from going along my routine, so I kept cutting them short whenever they tried to talk to me.

Now that it finally occurred to me that they were in fact "girls" and in fact a lot better than the two girlfriends I had, I want to find them again. Now, here is the problem:

1. The time when they tried talking to me was few years ago. Granted, they kept trying as long as I was physically there. But the problem is that I am no longer physically there any more. Back then I was in USA and now I moved to work in India.

2. I don't know what their names were, nor do I know the names of that store and restaurant either (although I can locate Jimmy Jones). But at the same time, I know VISUALLY where that store was and where that restaurant was. So if I were in front of the site that would let me VISUALLY go down the streets of the town, I would locate that store and restaurant.

Now, is it realistic at all to try to like ask "what was the name of the waitress who kept trying to talk to me about such and such". I mean it was several years ago, who knows maybe she is not even working there any more. But yeah I guess IF by some miracle I could find these girls it would be a lot better than anything I was trying to "manufacture".

im sorry to say but this wont work. you are in india, whilst they are in the USA. i mean.. what are you going to do? track them down with a private investigator and have him pass them your phone number? have a friend living there talk to them and tell them you are interested?

the logistics just isnt there.

instead of worry about this, focus on where you are currently at. if you find a girl attractive, GO FOR IT! go talk to her. it might not end the way you wanted (blargh!), but at least you'll gain valuable experience in the process, so maybe eventually you'll have the skills needed to make it work and gain a girlfriend.

If these are people you're only vaguely acquainted with from years ago and you never even learned their names, chances are that looking them up and contacting them from another country (or town, or state, or anywhere but running into them coincidentally and starting a conversation) would be seen as inappropriate and unwelcome.

In general you would be right; but in this pareticular situation I would disagree simply because of their persistence back then. I mean the girl at the restaurant kept joking about the fact that I am ''mean'' for not talking for like 2 years, or whatever duration of time i was regularly going to that restaurant. The girl at jimmy jones likewise tried to talk to me and joke about my making the same order for similar period of time -- until she moved to another state to go to school and before she moved she remarked that she would remember my order.

So the question is: if they didn't find it inappropriate trying to talk to me so persistently for so long, perhaps they won't find it inappropriate if I try to dig them out and contact them, either.

Yeah, it does sound like they were being flirtatious...and so many people are interconnected online nowadays, they might not mind being looked up that way. Just be careful not to come on too strong, and be prepared for them to possibly be a little taken aback! I hope it pans out.

i would be freaked out if someone tracked me down like that. considering that i wouldn't even know the guy's name, chances are he would be long forgotten, even if i was persistent at the time.

I would make 90% bet that they knew my name, it was me who didn't know theirs. I mean there is something about me that EVERYONE seems to know my name. Probably due to my Asperger I stand out which somehow makes people know my name even when I never introduce myself. While in most cases that would be a bad thing, in the case of these three specific girls probably not.

If you ask me did they give me their name, I honestly don't know. Now, knowing myself, I know that I probably would forget their name EVEN IF they gave one to me. I mean if I take one of my roommates i was good friends with, I only learned her name like A MONTH after we knew each other. In fact I remember exactly when I learned her name -- she invited me to her house and while in her house someone referred to her by her name and I was like ''wow i didn't know her name was such and such''.

Anyway, back to these girls. I would say there is 90% chance they knew my name back at the time. There is 50/50 chance they gave me their names.

even if i knew a man's name a few years ago, it is highly unlikely i would remember them now. how many times did you talk to these women?

It is hard to count the number of times. But to give you some idea here is a general picture. So when I do my homework I often go to the restaurant, order food, and then study for subsequent few hours. So I would normally go to like 5 or 10 different places -- I mean I would get bored going to the same place. So in one of these places there was waitress who tried talking to me. IF I assume I go to different places equally often, that would imply I talk to her once a week for the period of 2 years. In reality my pattern is probably different. Probably I would go to like 3 or 4 places for a long time then get bored with them and hten next year try going to other places while occasionally coming back to the older ones. This would mean that I could have talked to her as often as once in 2 or 3 days and on the other hand that would also imply that it might not have been 2 years but only a year or even just a couple of months.

It is really hard to tell from my memory. I mean it definitely doesn't seem like a year or 2 years, it seems more likely that it was only a couple of months. But logically I konw it should be of the order of 2 years since it was only like one out of few places i went to. One way it could have been only a couple of months is if I were to make a calculated decision to stop going to that particular place in order for her not to interrupt my studies. But again I am not sure whether thats what I did either. Perhaps there were a couple of occasions I decided to not go there for this reason, but I am not sure if it turned into a habbit. It is also possible at some point she gave up trying to talk to me, but once again I have no way of remembering it either since back then I didn't care about her so I wouldn't have noticed one way or the other. So sense of time/ memory and other htings make it really hard to tell.

As far as Jimmy Jones girl goes, if I sit in the office till like 3 AM and then go home to go to bed, Jimmy Jones was the only thing that was open on my way. So no, I ididn't study there, but I would just grab a sandwitch and then run to bed. It was right before it was closing. Now staying up late is something I did pretty often so I guess I talked to her often, but again I am not sure of teh duration. Again, ''logically'' it seems like i would be talking to her for as long as a year if not more -- since that is how long my pattern of staying up lasted; but from the memory it seems a lot shorter than that.

P.S. It just occured to me that, as far as the THIRD girl, the one in the grocery store, her name was probably rachel; i would give 75% that she was rachel and 25% that i ''liken'' her to someone else who is rachel for sure. But, ironically, I believe she was the one I talked to the least (my bet is that she only started working at the store only a couple of months before I left, but again I am not too sure). As far as the two women discussed above, I still don't know their names, can't even guess.