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My fiance has Aspergers

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Danielle27
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14 Mar 2012, 8:32 pm

Hello everyone,
I found this website today when I was googling aspergers...My fiance has been diagnosed with it but most likely will not seek treatment for it. We have a baby together and I really didn't notice there was a problem until a year into the relationship. He's always been eccentric but that is why I love him. I thought he wasn;t interested in me because of the pregnancy then I thought it wass becasue of the baby and etc. I have really beaten myself up over the past two years and I am wondering if there is any hope or future for us. I love him a lot...when he's on he makes me laugh and we do spend as much time together just no emotional fullfillment. I was relieved that it wasn't me but then I was scared that we will not be able to overcome this.. I dont want to live in his shadow anymore and I do accept him for who he is I was just wondering if he will ever be able to show me any affection without me initiating it and even when I do I can feel that he is not there. He is a great provider but I long for love and intimacy...Please tell me there is hope and any advice.Thank you



tronist
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14 Mar 2012, 10:37 pm

Danielle27 wrote:
Hello everyone,
I found this website today when I was googling aspergers...My fiance has been diagnosed with it but most likely will not seek treatment for it. We have a baby together and I really didn't notice there was a problem until a year into the relationship. He's always been eccentric but that is why I love him. I thought he wasn;t interested in me because of the pregnancy then I thought it wass becasue of the baby and etc. I have really beaten myself up over the past two years and I am wondering if there is any hope or future for us. I love him a lot...when he's on he makes me laugh and we do spend as much time together just no emotional fullfillment. I was relieved that it wasn't me but then I was scared that we will not be able to overcome this.. I dont want to live in his shadow anymore and I do accept him for who he is I was just wondering if he will ever be able to show me any affection without me initiating it and even when I do I can feel that he is not there. He is a great provider but I long for love and intimacy...Please tell me there is hope and any advice.Thank you
i think its very important that you voice your concerns with him. he needs to know that you desire more in your relationship. if he isnt providing what you want, you either have to adapt, and be complacent with the negative aspects of your relationship, work on changing the negative aspects, or find a new mate who will better fit your criterion.

be BLUNT about it. be DIRECT. dont beat around the bush. tell him exactly what you want him to try to do more.



Peter_L
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17 Mar 2012, 7:17 am

Danielle, my first point would be that Aspergers is not a disease so it is not something that can be "cured".

Your problem is that he is almost certainly getting what he wants out of the relationship and he's just making the same assumption most people do, that what he wants is more or less what you want. He may well be assuming that because your engaged your happy with him, which is not a hugely unreasonable expectation.

All you need to do is communicate that you want him to do X, and he'll probably be quite happy to make you happy.



Wolfheart
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17 Mar 2012, 7:53 am

You need to be clear regarding your needs and tell him how you feel, it might take time to work through this but the only way this is going to get better is if you both develop mutual understanding towards your needs. Either of you are going to have to make a compromise for this to work out and as stated, I think you're going to have to express very clearly to him that you require him to initiate that intimacy from time to time.