For adult (at least 35) aspies

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I'm almost 27 and I'm starting to think that the best thing for me is living alone (i have been living alone for 6 months), and giving up on the idea of finding a partner (i've been engaged to a girl who lived 450 km from where I live 2001-2004, very severe depression when she left me) but part of me is still reluctant. It seems to me that in order to live with someone else I'd have to be fake, dependant, vulnerable, ecc.

This is definitely the main question currently on my mind :

How many of you live alone? How do you cope?

Answers from married/stable relationship also appreciated

Thanks in advance

I live alone. It's a nice change after being married for 12 years, but I think I'd to be married again.

I have been divorced for 4 years and I will NEVER, EVER get married again. There is absolutely nothing in it for a man, aspie or NT. I have a girlfriend and she has her house and I have mine. We are both very busy people and we get together when time permits. I would not have it any other way. I get to do what I want, when I want and don't have to answer to anybody but myself. Marriage is an archaic, obsolete institution.

I've always had a fear of living or being alone, so that's not something I could do. But I need privacy. I like being separate from a person but in the same house. Maybe if you could have a large enough living quarters and separate bedrooms?

I live alone. I lived with my dad for a few years when I was in my very early 20s, and spent six months sleeping on my mom's couch before I found my own place when I first moved here 20 years ago. But ever since then, I've lived alone. (I'm 44 now.) I am so used to it, I am not sure I could adapt to having to share my living space with another person. Just thinking about it gives me the creeps -- I like having total control over my living arrangements without having to take someone else into account.

As far as how I cope... I spend time online with online friends, and I spend time offline with offline friends. I don't need a relationship (ie, a Significant Other) to be happy.

Dont seatle.If you dont know it is the right person then it's not.I didnt find the right person until I was 39 after 9 years of simi-celibacy(I did have an ex-boyfriend who helped me out when I was really lonely.. ).I had given up on relationships because all the guys would say they loved me and then spend the next few months complaining about my non-social ways and apathy for fashion.I was tired of people trying to change me and then "accidentally " found someone who likes me for who I am....sure took a long time but was worth the wait.If I hadnt been "blessed" by this statistical anomaly(A guy who likes ME and shares similiar interests and the patience of a saint),I would have been the crazy cat lady,which doesnt seem to bad an option.

I'm not quite 35 (soon though...) but I've lived alone all my adult life, and wouldn't have it any other way.

There are times of loneliness, coming home to a dark, cold, empty house, but those feelings are temporary. I couldn't imagine the horror of someone else living with me, moving my stuff around, changing things, etc. Yeah, sometimes I'd love to have some company, but I truly believe that living alone is the lesser of two evils.

I lived with my dad till I was in my late 20's. Hated it had no privacy and he didn't want me to have friends my own age. Anyway I moved out and lived with my girlfriend for a year before she told me to get out because she wanted to go back to her old girlfriend. That was one of the worse years of my life living with her. I had to put all my stuff in storage like my books and guitars. I didn't have my own room nor my own closet. She controlled the tv I never got to watch anything I wanted to on tv unless she was gone. She controlled what time I got up and went to bed & what I ate. Plus I had to deal with her mutt of a dog. Then after we broke up we still lived together out of financial necessity. During that time she brought over her girlfriend all the time but I wasn't allowed to have a date over myself. I could go on and on. Long story short it was pure hell.

I have had girls live with me for a couple weeks several times since I moved into my own place. The first one was kinda fun for awhile. Then second one bitched at me non-stop despite the fact I was providing a roof over her head and feeding her.

Sometimes I get super lonely but not enough to want to go back to living with someone. I'm 37 and have been living alone for past 7 yrs. I have so many allergies to fragrances and even have asthma attacks if someone burns toast so I'm really better off living alone. If I could ever live sanely with someone else I would need my own separate room and own tv. It would also have to be someone I loved. To be honest I have dated a lot, like 37 people I think but none of them did I truly love. The only persons I have ever loved I can't even get a date with. Mainly I dated before just for sex and socializing. But then that wasn't very rewarding and sex IMO is highly overrated. Maybe it would be better if the other person loved you. At this point I figure I will just become one of those crazy cat ladies. I already have a cat and some people think I'm crazy so I'm off to a good start!

I'm 36, and have been living alone for about seven years. During my university years, I moved around a lot, from one semester to another, and I lived with a lot of different people, both male and female. Most of the time it was all right, but there were a lot of times when I think I was an inconsiderate a**, and it makes me cringe to think about it. After I graduated I didn't want to take the chance that I would be that kind of jerk again, so I decided to live alone.

As for coping with living alone, I don't think I'm doing it very well. I hate living alone because it makes me miserable, but I'm afraid to open myself to other people. But I was only recently diagnosed, so that's helped me to understand myself better, and I hope that if I can share this fact about me, I can better share my life with someone else.

For me the pain is worse then any fear. I have to shake up my life simply because there is no cure for loneliness.

YOU TAKE YOURSELF WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO. So learn to like yourself, and be yourself wherever you are, whoever you are! Reinvent yourself if you don't like the way you are right now. You certainly aren't the same as you were at age two! Keep on growing! It never ends! Then if you are lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you for being you... and you appreciate them for being them... you can have a great time enjoying living together!

I married an immature gal with two kids 30 years ago. She left after about a year, and I havn't seen them since. Almost got married again several times, but when the games and attempts at manipulation started... I broke it off, or they left when their act was exposed.

I'd druther be happily married. But, I am happy being single. There is SO MUCH to experience. I don't have enough time to do all I want to. I keep looking for that special someone to make a happy marriage and family with... C'est la vie!! !

Don't worry. Be happy.

not really close to 35... but i live alone and doubt it will ever change.

every town i go to school in i make an inital network of friends... but they all drop off and go away... and im alone.

i'm about to finish school and start in at a job where (in whatever town) i know there will even fewer opportunities for social interactions so i just don't really see things improving for me.

i like living alone but it's very painful at times... hormones suck and sometimes i'm wistful for menopause.

i don't really believe in marriage... i would like to look into finding a polyamorous society somewhere in a city where i can work my long hours as a labrat and have some choices of whom to come home to on nights that it suits me.

Hi guys
sort of makes me understand when I read your comments about living alone.
Would my husband be happier by himself?

We just worked out he had AS - which has answered a lot of questions I had about my feeling unsupported and a lot of teh time like I was going mad.

I am not sure I am totally NT, I had Dyslexia and a few issues at school with teachers etc not many friends etc and I moved around alot ........ so I understand difference.

I know one thing I have done to s**t him off totally and thats change the bedroom around a lot ... but I made a date and I will stop and then we will now set things up together.

But hey - I wanted to hear more from you ... what were the things your partners did that were unacceptable or you wish you could have stopped them from doing?????????

I was never one of those females who expected a guy to have a car,take me out to expensive restaurants or buy me expensive gifts.I didnt take hours getting ready to go out,nag about petty things,expect the person to spend every second with me.I thought I was pretty "low maintenance" and expected the same.

What I got after the "honeymoon" period is people trying to change me and complaining or making fun of the way I am.The same guys who loved that it didnt take me hours to "get ready",complained that I didnt dress nice enough or wear make-up and get glammed.Or they wanted me to go out and be more social.I did go out but also like to stay in and read....I dont need to be around people all the time.

What I most resented about this was that I never "faked" being someone else.If they were attracted to me for months as "myself",then why do I need to change?I really think it was just typical control issues.It might work for some people but I have no desire to change for any one else....change for me is internally motivated.They would complain about my apartment being to dark,my music,my clothes,my "style",the food I like,etc....The last person I met and have been with for over 4 years.I made it very clear who I was,what I like and that I had no desire to change.He actually got the message and we have been very happy.It probably helps that he is as weird as me and has a lot of aspie traits.

Initially, women like the fact that I'm so laid back. Later, they resent the fact that I don't worry about the things that they worry about.

i can relate that to the last person i lived with... but it was because he NEVER helped with anything. I had to pay the bills and worry about every single deadline... clean... all this crap plus work 10-12 hours a day and weekends...... all while he didn't work or for a short time... worked a crap job. he would get spurts of inspiration to clean the house and such. but i just can't do everything for two people.

not saying you're like that mrmark! but i do remember how i loved how layed back he was and never seemed to worry about stuff... guess i found out why.

and now i live alone and it's easier... well, not financially (lol) but i eek by.... i'm self sufficient and it feels good