I "met" an aspie guy.....I need help understanding

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First and foremost, Hello forum!

Second, I'm sure "met" is throwing people off. Well we "met" on an internet "dating" site, more like a talk to random people site. We've been talking very briefly and have decided to meet up in a couple of weeks, but possibly because of his asperger's I'm having difficultly reading him. I'm very intuitive about guys and they tend to reveal themselves rather quickly. I'm embarrassed to say that even though I'm a psych major I'm having a hard time understanding his intents. Furthermore, I feel like my psych studies are actually hindering me. Half of me is seeing him as a potential mate, the other half is viewing him through a psychological lens and this is frustrating to me. I'm not sure where the line is between treating him differently because of his asperger's in an understanding verses condescending way is. His asperger's doesn't seem to be all that strong. It seems to mostly make him incredibly shy, which is really cute. In most senses I'm not sure if I'm over-thinking the situation entirely. I'd like some help grounding my thoughts.

When we're on cam and he's talking I feel like I understand him a lot better, but he doesn't like to talk. He likes for me to talk and to just be able to see each other. This makes it very difficult for me, I read people through facial expression and voice. He's also a lot more sincere when he's forced to speak. He says he doesn't like to talk because he doesn't like to go to the only part of his family's house where he can speak in private. If he's not lying then I guess he just doesn't want his family to know he's talking to someone. He says when he goes back to school from break it won't be like that.....I hope that's true because it kind of feels like he prefers typing because it's easier for him to think out what he's going to say. This would be understandable except he comes off tremendously more sincere when speaking. Our personal difficulties might be clashing, I'll have to wait and see about this one.

To top this whole thing off, I think I made a grave error when I first spoke to him. I just wanted to play around on the site and be flirty because I was feeling blah during the week and wanted some male attention (see how honest I am? ). Our first conversation is blurry. I was talking to several guys at the same time and I don't remember who started what but I may have been the one to start off being...sexual? He has absolutely zero experience with women. Perhaps even negative experience, like -10. I feel like starting off with the sexual stuff then realizing that, I kinda like this guy and he's not even far, really messed things up. I'm an average girl, I'm not a sex fiend. I'm not aroused constantly. But I arouse him and now he delves our conversations into sex whenever possible. So I'm not sure if he really is interested in me or if he just wants me to have sex with him (meaning I'm not sure if he's like this because I got the ball rolling or because he would be like this with any girl he talked to). He's an aspie but that doesn't mean he can't be a user, right? I tried my best to ask him directly what he wanted from me (or could want, was open to), while trying to be at the line of understanding, not condescending (because I'm really not sure how severe his asperger's is *doesn't seem very severe at all* nor how much he understands about women), but at the same time it's hard. Any NT girl knows that being TOO direct with a NT guy like asking, "Hey, can I be your girlfriend one day" could make him run for the hills. It can make this guy run for the hills too if he's a lot more understanding than I may, well, understand. Well, I asked basically what he wanted from me...or wanted in general. He said that he didn't want to be alone anymore, that he wasn't sure what he wanted, that he thinks he wants a lover but since he is very inexperienced for someone to be gentle with him, and then simplified it to "teacher, lover, relationship" add an lol. He says "lol" a lot...it's like his nervous reaction. He laughs when talking to.

On top of that, I've asked things like "Do you think we're too far apart". He seemed to make his own conclusion and said no, but that he probably wouldn't be able to come up every weekend. To me this sounds like he's interested or already considering a continuance of things on some level. He says he likes me. I've sort of joked with him about using me which he replied to kind of seriously, saying that we don't only talk about sex (which is true, we just talk about it A LOT). I set up the date to meet which made him very happy. These seem like good signs for any guy....possibly.

If he wasn't an aspie I guess I wouldn't be questioning this so much. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not relationship starved nor do I want to rush into anything. I guess I just want to know where he stands. I would actually not mind just being his friend. It's just the feeling that he's trying to lie to me is what is bothering me. I'm a pretty good liar, I can spot a liar. It's almost offensive when guys lie to me. The sheer fact that I can't tell very well with this guy is making me a little bananas. To put it bluntly, when we're talking it feels like things are normal. When he's typing to me he seems and looks like he's thinking "just show me your boobs already so I can go!" Yesterday he was getting really tired and then his mother came in the room and was talking to him. I couldn't see her or hear anything but I saw him talking. He looked different when he was talking to her than when he talks to me. I thought he looked hot, lol. So, I told him and he said "I thought you weren't horny today?" (not verbatim) and I told him that I wasn't and that I felt like that probably because I was growing a crush on him. He just said okay (well "lol, mkay"). Is that an aspie thing or a "who cares" thing?

This is kind of long, so sorry. Half of me just wants to converse and verbalize my feelings. Some people may ask why not just go with the flow? I feel like I can't because depending on where he wants to, or is comfortable with this going changes my reactions to him. If he just wants to experiment and be good friends I know to not invest romantic emotions in this and to just be a friend to him, tell him how women work in a generalized sense and hang out with him. If he wants to SEE if this can be a relationship then I need to tell him how I work, how we can become closer etc. You know? Anyway, speak to me people.

Are you sure you're not an aspie too? This post is about as long as an aspie post!

TLDR

Well,

I read the entire post unlike the person above me.. I like that you came looking for resources and help it shows that you actually care. About your concern with his intentions.. He talks differently when typing because he's more confident and is masked by the internet. He is more apt to joke with you or reflect the kind of conversations you expect from "normal" people. Of course he will be more sincere when talking face to face because it removes the mask and security blanket of the internet exposing him to be real.

I'm sure his intentions are the ladder, He doesn't want to be alone so he wants a relationship, and judging from the zero experience girlfriend thing he probably wants to get his virginity out of the way too. But that's the good thing about us, we're very loyal to the people we love xD So.. Yes, I'm sure you two would have a relationship if you stick with it, and yes sex would probably be part of it. But I doubt he would use you. We're usually the ones being used because we tend to be gullible and manipulated easily. If you're worried about the sexual stuff you should explain to him that you where merely flirting a little and that's now how you are all the time. Because if you try to explain this in little subtle ways we won't pick it up and you'll just end up frustrating both of you.

I have the same relationship he does with his mom, with mine.. My mom immasculates me unknowingly because to her I am still her little boy and she thinks that because I'm bad with people and haven't had 1,000 one night stands that I must not be a full grown man -.- If his mom is the same way he wouldn't want her seeing him being real with you because she would probably do something immasculating like "AWW ISN'T THAT CUTE!" and that's humiliating -.-

Have you tried directly asking him what he wants? I mean being properly direct. More direct than you are being now.

Would you like a girlfriend?
What type?
What do you want in a girlfriend?
Do you want companionship?

And so on. I'm a bit drunk, but you get what I'm saying. Cut it down right to the bone without coming off like an interrogation.

Make it clear that a girlfriend is a person and is not just for sex.

Sounds like you really care for this guy. He's lucky! I think a thoughtful mate such as yourself would be great for him. So just take it slowly, spell things out where needed... and the best thing of all:

You can invent the relationship unique to the two of you. There are no "rules", only meeting each others needs and the candid, specific requests help a lot.

Over a decade with a fellow Aspie.

edited to add, yes, we need a lot of time to process "relationship stuff". Make a request, explain it logically and give reasons WHY you want it done, etc. you know? Cuz things people take for granted as known, are not known by us.... or known in a different way.

Hang on, I've just had a thought.

Can you talk to him like he's a computer or a machine? This sounds very impersonal, but it might work. What do you require? And then give multiple-choice questions.

Does this make sense?

If it was me, I'd be very honest and be very questioning myself.