Worrying about never having a lasting relationship.

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Yes, I am young. Yes, I have my whole life ahead of me. Yes, there are "plenty of fish in the sea".

But what fish is going to catch onto my hook and not eventually wriggle away and flop back into the water?

I have (by some strange force of nature) had many boyfriends. But they've all broken up with me—never the other way around. And it always had something to do with my Aspergers. Now, none of my boyfriends knew about my AS, because we, my family and I, didn't know about it. But when I learned about the symptoms and thought about my relationships, yeah, the draw-backs of being an Aspie have gotten in the way.

I'm extremely obsessive, take things wrong all the time, I'm way too sensitive, and then have trouble expressing it to them. And then there's my anxiety attacks when in large groups and various social situations. It always repels boyfriends. I've never even held a relationship for an entire year. Close! But not there.

I can't change these draw-backs, it's just how I am. All I can do is hide them, but they always come out anyway, and you're not supposed to hide things in relationships.

Do any of you ever have problems like this? Do you think there's hope for an Aspie like me with these kind of debilitating draw-backs?

Are you sure you can't change them? Or at least make a conscious effort to accommodate for some? Everyone has flaws, and while some can't be fixed altogether, people do generally try to be better...or at least I hope so, or I'd be worried. Maybe I should be. There's always room for improvement. That said, that doesn't mean you should put up with anyone's BS. If they don't like you, it's their loss. Maybe it would help to find someone with more similar traits that you have. Perhaps people who aren't interested in being too social or whatever.

The first thing I'll say, and this is not me being dismissive because of your youth, is that it is perfectly normal for someone your age to not have had very long relationships. It is not a sign that you never will.

Other people might tell you that you have plenty of time as a way of encouraging you not to worry too much about it. I say you have plenty of time to encourage you to use that time productively.

I think you might be better off focusing on improving those aspects of yourself that you can, rather than focusing on finding someone. You say you can't change your drawbacks, and I'd agree that you cannot change them quickly or rid yourself of them entirely. But you can minimize them and learn to work around them.

For instance, you say that you take things wrong all the time. With practice, you can learn to suspend judgement, give people the benefit of the doubt, until you've learned what was really intended. You say that you have trouble expressing yourself. Again, with practice, this is something that can be improved upon. As for the anxiety attacks in large groups, there are plenty of guys out there who do not like that sort of thing either, maybe a more introverted guy would be a better match for you. Granted, these issues will probably never be resolved entirely, but you can reach a point where they are less of an impairment than they are now.

And yeah, it does require a person of extraordinary patience and understanding to have a healthy relationship with an aspie. But those people are out there. It just may take time some extra time before you find one.

I to am young and have a similar worry. I have had 2 girlfriends so far, I broke up with the first because I'm 90% certain she cheated on me and I wasnt into her as I was at first. Now I have a relationship with a great girl. The key to longer lasting relationships as I have observed is communication. After talking to this girl more than the last I feel we understand each other better. It also takes luck, I like her more and she likes me more than the last girl. We have a lot in common. Between a better base match between us and me communicating stuff like this worry you have and AS in general I don't think it will end soon.
Hope this helped

I'm 43 now but when I was younger I felt the same.
I went through relationships like crazy. Unfortunately such worries can manifest into the very problem you're worried about. The more possessive you are the more of an opposite reaction you'll likely get.. it's a kind of Newton's 3rd law for emotions
The best advice I can give is to not concentrate so much on it and let what is be - try to just enjoy what you can but don't compromise who you are for someone else.
The right person will choose you or in my case you'll choose that right person and hold on for dear life until they see it. It was only when I let go that that other person turned the corner - being too possessive almost killed it.
I've been with her for 18 years now.
Don't lose hope.
I don't know if that helps...

Is there any way of learning to make relationships last? I've been trying to do it with a girl who moved away but is still willing to talk to me. Because that'll happen but I try to do that even with people who've stayed on the island. Can psychologists help you learn to maintain relationships? Because that's always been a weakness of mine but one that I am working to fix.

Koi, it is probably healthy you haven't been in a relationship for over a year at this stage in your life!

You are very much in the middle of growing into who you are going to be, and the changes in your life are going to take you in every direction...part of that is probably healthy for you to just be you, and to fully develop a single entity identity.

Stay strong, stay vigilant, keep your standards high, stay true to yourself, and life will take the course it must. No one can just promise you everything will work out, but...it probably will.

I'm like that myself & I think I do better with people who are like that as well. I would suggest trying to look for a guy who's the same way. There's a lot more Aspie guys than Aspie women especially online but it would be bbest to wait till your 18 & out of high-school before looking for a relationship online

easy answer: shake your tailfeather in the club. every guy in there will want it,
doing almost anything will get atleast some attention, however doing absolutley nothing will give you 0 relationship possibilities
the choice is yours

I dont think humans were ment to be monogomus with each other. so you might aswell have some fun

Well its already been said but don't worry about it now. Not many people have lasting relationships that early in life. Heck I'm in my mid 20's and still haven't had one over a year (I've had 4 btw). After my last one which was a couple years back, I think something in me just clicked and I've stopped worrying about it. Yet when I was 15-16, I probably asked out every girl at school. As for your "faults" well, some of those might get better as you get older and mature, I know a couple did with me.

Hang in there sport.