I've got a question about something...

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I have been thinking about this and I would like other people to answer it.

Imagine you were dating a girl, everything goes mighty fine, she's the greatest thing you've ever come across in your life and she's totally in to you. But there's one problem, she has a past. A past that consists out of drug-addiction, alcoholism, partying all day, escaping school ect... Her whole life has consisted out of doing risky things, all the men she dated were narcissists/psychos, she got abused, beaten up and had one of the worst break-ups possible for mankind to have. She sees her past as a trauma, she wants to escape it, get rid of all her contacts, start off all clean, forget about her past and everything in it. She had been to rehab and fully recovered. Her health is 100% fine, she wants to start a new life, with you, she basically has no-one to thrust, except you. Unfortunately, she can get rid of her past, but her past can actually NOT get rid of her, she gets stalked and monitored, so do you. You have seen some people of her past, they completely freak you out inside. She's the most caring girl you've ever met, she never disappointed you in any way ever, she's perfect.

How would you feel to be that guy? How would her past see her now? How would her past see YOU now? Would this freak you out? Would you end it? Would you actually trust her? Considering her past.

It's a fictional story all right, but it has been running in my head for a while. It's interesting.

The answer very much depends on your feelings for the girl in question.

If you really, really like her - and she's been honest with you - then go ahead, but be cautious.

On the other hand, if there's ever been anything so much as a whisper of dishonesty or otherwise doubt in your mind - gently drop her.

The girl your describing sounds similar to my 1st girlfriend. It really scared me because I really loved her & worried about her. I tried my best to help but I think I tried too hard because I got very overprotective which came off as being controlling. We had some fights about it & I had lots of panic attacks worrying about her & she fell back into old habits & we broke up. I think I would handle things a lot better now thou because my anxiety has gotten a lot better thanks to medication & I've learned a lot from the experience & grew a lot sense then. Anyways if I would meet another girl with a similar situation rite now who was interested in me; I would try my best to help her & make our relationship work. I would might would leave thou if she fell back into old habits & didn't want to stay out of trouble or if she was lying a lot, cheating on me or being abusive. I'm very sensitive, caring & lonely

I think it's normal to feel insecurities but If I couldn't trust her fully or had insecurities about her, I wouldn't be in a relationship with her in the first place. A relationship isn't worth having without trust and faith in each other, it's unhealthy.

Again, if she has been sincere and honest about her past and really wants to move on, I wouldn't hold it against her character or let it be detrimental towards the relationship.

It would bother me quite a lot, I expect. I don't think leopards change their spots very often. Most of the people I've known who have been addicted to alcohol, heroin etc., say they're over it, but they would regress.

That's valid if you get to know a person well before starting a relationship. But relationships often seem to begin rather quicker than that, and when they do, I think it's best to admit that you'd be unwise to trust somebody very much if you don't know them very well. In such cases I think all you can do is try to give them the benefit of the doubt........always take reasonable risks with people, rather than being too gung-ho or Machiavellian with them.

I don't know why people get so upset when a new partner won't extend total faith in them. I've never particularly expected anybody to trust me without my having earned that trust by proving to them that I generally tell the truth and don't cheat. If a partner wants to hire a private detective to find out what I'm really up to, I'd be more flattered by her interest in me than insulted by the distrust. After all, if I've got nothing to hide, it's not going to hurt me.....if I had somebody watched and no dirt was revealed, I think that would help me to trust them better in the future.

I know it's not very romantic of me, but to commit myself to another person is a huge investment, and I think that if I come over as a bit of a Doubting Thomas at times, that's just a sign that I'm genuinely involved. So trust in God, but keep your powder dry.

I would assume that she will be able to throw her past behind her and never turn back, but at the same time I would watch her closely and if I figured out that she is starting to exhibit some problematic behaviour of that kind I would terminate the relationship immediately.

I'd be uncomfortable with certain aspects of the relationship certainly, such as the fact the female is being watched and so by extension I'm being watched. Being in the spotlight like that would sit uneasily with me.

That said, it wouldn't put me off the relationship and all things considered I'd rather have that than being single and having the sort of exposure that might give me.

If her past was a trauma to her, I would feel a lot of solidarity with that, so there's something I'd see as a positive in my relatability with the female.

If she did show any sign of lapsing back into her addictions etc., I don't think I'd have any problem pointing out I don't approve.

As a couple people here have said, honesty is very important. If she is open and honest about this past, then I can live with it. But I couldn't deal with a constant feeling of "oh god, what am I going to find out next?" Feeling like she was keeping things from me.

And, as for dealing with people from her past, I'm certainly not going to let my relationship be affected by what outside people do. When I'm in a relationship, if there are people making her life harder, I consider that our problem, not hers.

Your story has one flaw. She trusts you but she doesn't tell you her past?

It seems she doesn't you as much as you think after all.

But in all seriousness, I would rather NOT know of her past...if she is making a clean slate, I would rather know about her life AFTER the events, and not before.

For some reason the girl you're describing, in her vulnerability, is sitting kind of sci-fi with me.

The more realistic alternative I'm thinking of is a girl who ran with the hard crowd, perhaps got into heroin or meth for a bit, made a clean break when she realized how far she'd strayed from who she was, wants to find a guy who's clean, and would not only show as much integrity with him as she could but if she found herself followed she'd likely excuse herself from the table, see what the person wanted, and if that person was following her she'd likely offer them a trip to the ER. Girls like that, while feminine, typically have the soljah-ette, no BS attitude and if they found themselves dating the stereotypical aspie nice guy or non-fighter they'd put up a pretty big distance between the guy and the drama.

As for a girl who's that vulnerable, abused, and confused as what you described, I suppose if the particular aspie guy she's with is 6'6", is pushing 270 or 280lbs, and looks like an NYC club bouncer - sure, it could happen if she'd just gotten out of her problems but its unlikely that she'd go for a typical geeky guy just in that she'd probably realize (if she's defenseless) that she'd probably get him killed. Sometimes girls like that also hang back and won't date until they feel like their past is far enough behind them.

In my own life I'm not sure how I'd feel about dating a girl who was on the wagon, couldn't drink, and needed me not to as well; not that I don't understand or respect the gravity of those situations but within my own life and sphere or influences she wouldn't be in a place that she really fit well.