How should I go about breaking up with him?

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DogGirlSaydee
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18 Mar 2012, 3:24 am

So, on February 14th of this year, I was asked out by a friend of mine who I had feelings for and he had feelings for me. We had barely known each other for about a month an a half prior. I said yes, but it felt pressured - Just, not right. I tried to bring it up several times to him and ask if we could possibly, "get to know each other better first," but each time, something or someone would interrupt us and I would forget all about it.

It's been over a month now and our relationship is going nowhere. I don't have any feelings towards him anymore. None, whatsoever. My life is also hectic. My father and stepmother recently lost their first child together, it was born prematurely, a still-born. This has affected me greatly because of the relationship my father and I have and the way he chose to tell me about the situation so I've been more withdrawn than normal. I did tell my, uhhmm, "boyfriend" about what's wrong and for the past week that I've been in "shut-down" mode, he's been almost... Ignoring me. I think he's trying to give me space or something, considering when he tried to "comfort me" by hugging me, I got really awkward, wiggled out of his grip and walked out of the room. Now he barely comes more than a foot close to me.

The other problem is that I know his family very well and his family loves me and I really like them but they are so spontaneous and out there. They're very exhausting people but I enjoy their friendship and they've been asking why I haven't come over in weeks or accepted any of their invitations to come over or hang out. I know it's wrong to still be with him and that I need to end it as soon as I can, but I'm not good at this. I know that I need to do it in person, but how? Do you think he already realizes something is wrong? What do I do? What do I say?

I don't know if this matters, but he's a NT and he's several years younger than myself..


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The-Raven
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18 Mar 2012, 7:31 am

Do it quickly and firmly.

say "I dont want to be in a relationship with you anymore".

if he asks why say "I dont have feelings for you anymore"

if he asks if you will get back with him in the future say "no"


Its cruel and a waste of his life to keep him hanging on when he could be out there being with someone who love and values him.

just be clear and firm, its the kindest way.



IlovemyAspie
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19 Mar 2012, 4:34 pm

I agree. If you continue to prolong this it will make it harder and harder for you. You could end up stringing him along forever. I've had to do this and it was one of the hardest and most awkward things ever. The guy was crushed but we still managed to maintain our friendship. He was trying to buy me things, buy things for my mother...I felt I needed to let him know right away or else I would look like a heel for stringing him along. That would have been the first thing out of his mouth "why didn't you tell me when you no longer liked me"? Be short, sweet but firm.



Zinnel
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19 Mar 2012, 8:38 pm

DogGirlSaydee wrote:
considering when he tried to "comfort me" by hugging me, I got really awkward, wiggled out of his grip and walked out of the room. Now he barely comes more than a foot close to me.

DogGirlSaydee wrote:
Do you think he already realizes something is wrong?

Oh yea he knows, maybe not that you don't have feeling for him anymore, just that theres something wrong.

I'm usualy an advocate for blunt straight out talking about the issues couples face togather.
But sinces it doen't seem like you want to work things out with him.

Then just tell him its over in person or not(it really hurts the same no matter what, just comes off more respectful in person). And if he ask you "why" tell him the truth don't suger coat it.


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