Best Partner I could Recommend

Post Reply New Topic

I, an AS male, have had two "successful" relationships in my life (both NTs), and both were with people I would rarely see, they worked a different shift than me:
- first worked second shift
- second works is third shift

It took me a while to realize, but the only way I can manage a viable and healthy relationship is if I can plan on 2/3 hours of alone time at night to just not be... talked to, touched, interacted with, asked questions about my day by, annoyed by.

I love my partner, but in general I am not overly fond of people over long periods of time (bars have maybe a 1 hour time limit, and I can last until 10pm as long as the bar isn't packed).

Limited time together has afforded me my much needed alone time, and helped me build energy meet social/relationships expectations that come with a partner.

I have found non-cuddlers much more preferable to cuddlers, I am already very sensitive to heat and the though of skin on skin contact in bed literally hurts. Give me my king size california and a line of pillows in the middle between bodies. It took a while for him to get used to, but hey, we only sleep next to one another 4 hours a night at most.

Anyone else have a relationship similar to mine that is AS? Is this typical? Anyone else in a relationship find alone time ANYWHERE/ANYTIME is the only VACATION worth taking?

I've been living with a (NT) woman in my early twenties and it was pure hell for me. First we were living in an apartment, then in a small house, but i had virtually no private space she would not invade, neither down time, and she didn't understand my needs nor even tried to do so. For her it was not understandable that, provided i would love her, i wanted to be alone. Also, my aversion to talking was offensive for her. The whole story lasted about four and a half years and towards the end i was close to committing suicide, only running on high doses of sedatives, always trembling and being startled even at the slightest noise or movement, let alone the insomnia.

As far as i can judge the topic, i honestly loved her, but i couldn't live with her. Not her fault, though. It's just that the normal presence of a human being holds me consistently in alert! That's just the way my nervous system works, the presence of a human being in what i consider my territory is pure distress for me and runs me down. Love has nothing to do with it. I can live happily and relaxed in the presence of animals, especially cats, but humans drive me crazy.

After this relationship had ended, that is, she had finally moved out, it was like a salvation and i could relax and sleep again, although it took me almost a year to recover. Then i had another relationship but made clear from the beginning that she couldn't move in with me. We spent the weekends together but this also was too much for me, i needed my weekends for myself to have a rest and pursue my own interests, so i broke up with her and from then on (i was 32 or 33) only had affairs with married women because there's no danger that they might start to hang out at my place. And since a few years i've discovered how to have online fun and find it even better.

In between relationships I had a strict Friends with Benefits ONLY policy, until I found someone who could give me 3 hours of alone time at night, took several years, but I know that feeling. I like contact physical/virtual on my own terms, no invasion of space please..