Can't seem to date

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I'm not sure what's wrong about me, or if it's because I'm less NT than most women. I'm twenty three and I've yet to move beyond sex. And when I've been in a relationship, it was with someone with Autism. I liked him a lot, but he stopped talking to me completely after I moved out and broke up with him. I was over-compensating mostly, and paying for most of the things we did, while he was driving, I paid for gas too. He never paid me back. I didn't even break up with him over money, it was something else.

I feel heart broken and alone inside, I've yet to connect to a man on an emotional level. The more I try, the more they tend to take advantage and abuse me emotionally or for sex. I am always on the backburner, a more attractive women walks by and they all turn their head. Sure, all these guys are "nice" to me, friends to me, even guys I've had sex with are friends with me, but do any of them truly love me? When will I ever be in a relationship by my standards? I reached into my heart and wore it on my sleave, my tarot cards constantly end with "the lovers" and marriage, and yet...who? I feel loved, sometimes, I fall asleep and I am so yearning for it I feel a part of me being full of love from someone out there or nearby, yet to be identified. The one person I became obsessed with, the "idea" of being in love with him--may be dead now. Though sometimes I feel like he's still alive, and this scares me. I know he was in a coma, but I don't know if he died or recovered.

I am sick of being an object. But no one notices me. I feel like the girl on Linkin Park's song "Numb" when I'm around people, no one seems to see how hard I'm trying to relate. I've always been told to wait until it comes, that love will find me if I stop looking or trying to love.
That wouldn't be love, love should be somewhere close. My love feels dead. My love is vacant, a cold void wandering amidst the ocean of others. It hurts to write this. At a young age, I was pretty but no one wanted me. I was a size zero, with brown hair, blue eyes, etc. And yet I was so shy and girls hated me. I was never asked to dance by the jocks, I was teased in HS by anyone I ever liked. Now, now I'm just some kind of pushover.

I feel sad that you feel this way. A lot of people out there are just jerks, and this is why it is hard to be emotionally connected to people. From what I have read from your thread, it seems that you are a very nice and caring person. You just need someone treat you correctly, for that to come out

I really like that "Numb" song lol. If you ever want to talk to me about stuff, I would be more than happy to listen. I really like listening to people I know what it feels like with the whole love being dead thing. I'm not going to say that it will happen, but well, try and stay positive maybe. You never know when it could happen. It may never (I am a realist). But anyway, if you ever want to talk about anything, just let me know

I can give you one piece of advice.
Stop sleeping with your friends.
You'll have a hard time finding anyone who wants more then sex if you have a reputation for giving it to anyone who compliments you.

Sex does not = love
Sex does not even = like
Sex = Horny

If someone really likes you, they'll take matters into their own hands "literally" until your ready.
If they won't, if they leave or cheat then all they wanted was the sex.

Good point Mike. I think I was confusing sex with love for a time. I'm going to stop being taken advantage of, for instance a guy was saying how much he loved me and how beautiful I was--hitting on me at a bar, and he was drunk so I decided to drive him home, then we had sex and it made me feel horrible. I've had numerous guys lead me on, only to turn around and try and manipulate me for their own gain; making me look slu*ty. I am not even that into sex, but I have been trying to find out why and so I've been having more bad sex--thinking I need more to cure my weird feeling of not often enjoying it, so I'm very confused.

How could you enjoy it when subconsciously you know the guy doesn't even know your name?

I personally think sex should be something special.
We aren't dogs, we have the mental fortitude not to hump anything we pass that remotely resembles a pair of tits/a dick.

So I don't have sex unless its someone I care about and that cares about me...so I don't have sex. But that's beside the point really.

I'm not having sex with total strangers. It's really only a couple of men, who I've known for over one or two years. I started an NSA relationship with one guy, but we've stopped for awhile. Basically, he's hot and I'm hot and we like having sex. But he started feeling like it wasn't helpful for me, and so we kind of stopped. The other guy is in an open relationship, and we're friends but I do feel more used with him. I just think I need to set my limits and boundaries when we hang out, because he always ends up hitting on me. I can't help liking sex...it's just hard to make sense of the way to handle it. My last relationship was with a guy who had aspergers, and we never had sex because he didnt like sex. He liked porn.

I don't know, I've never gotten far enough to have a real opinion to that point.

I don't think I'd do "friends with benefits" unless it was an ex that parted on friendly terms.
I've honestly never been attracted to anyone so much that I "can't help myself", let alone would anyone that attractive be interested in me.
But I would never do anything with someone in a relationship, open or not its just asking for trouble.