harboring false self-perceptions as a defense mechanism

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Question: can you relate to this? are you also very skilled at mirroring normal behavior for short periods of time, during which you make connections with non-aspies and when the window closes it is likely you cannot maintain the relationship?

my story:

I'm 24, and have for years known I am socially maladaptive. July 2011 I met someone who really, really fell in love with me. It was fantastic. However, soon my behaviors of dissociating, general distrust, and mindblindness created a ton of problems, very quickly. I am now aware of how much BS I brought to the relationship; in relation to that, isn't it astounding how powerful denial is? We kept breaking up; i was absolutely certain that she was the one with problems. however, i was consistently ignoring anything i found stressful. which was everything. Each time i would shut off my phone and delete my blog and isolate in every way possible, saying i needed time to think. that wasnt true. i wasnt even thinking. i just was doing what i saw people on TV do.

i wanted to spend all my time in the library. not really just to do research. but to self-medicate: a semi-quiet, controlled mini-world. she finally convinced me to go dancing. after a lot of refusal on my part. the first time was very very very overwhelming however i didnt tell her that because i knew how much it meant to her. since then i have gone two more times with her and it is getting less stressful. i actually enjoy it now because it is sensory overload to a point that it kind of like an inverted sensory deprivation.

she wanted to meet my friends. i said okay but did absolutely nothing about it. finally we drove to detroit and saw my friends, and went to a show. this was very very overwhelming for me, but it meant a lot to her, and i am trying to make it matter to me.

she got us memberships to a gym. i didnt even know how to swim. but i kept going. --- changing in a locker room, wow, it took me a month before i could change into swim trunks without having a panic attack. but i tell you what. being submerged in water is very soothing. and being hugged while under water is even better

there are many other things i am struggling with, but when it comes down to it i cannot believe i have someone that loves me enough to keep working on a relationship with me. SO, i decided it is time i face the facts. i am an Aspie! and i am very gifted in my field of study, but when it comes to human beings, i just do not get it! i figured this site might help me.


This all may sound really bizarre. but this is the first aspie-anything i have ever joined. i sincerely hope that people will respond constructively to this. i really need perspectives from other people like me

First of all, welcome to WP. You'll find there are many here that can relate to your struggles. I understand the denial you described. I spent years ignoring my wife to certain degree and then thinking she was crazy when she got bitter and discontent about things. It's taken me a long time to realize how I've neglected her, and recovering from that is a daily struggle.

I think it's awesome you're swimming and dancing. I've never danced with my wife, although her grandma taught me the two step (I've forgotten since then). Some people would think bungee jumping or skydiving would be scary, and I could say dancing or jumping off a diving board can be just as intense to others.

There are things that may make us uncomfortable, but if we dare to stretch ourselves, and increase our tolerances to things, we can find that life becomes an adventure. Over time, when we're used to things, we can step it up and try something else, stretch ourselves some more!

It sounds to me like your love is patiently drawing you out, and you're even enjoying it. Though your relationship may have its challenges, I get a positive impression of it, and hope you'll always be willing to step outside your comfort zone for the sake of you both. As for the denial part, be open, be honest, and I think this lady may be okay with what you have to say.

Welcome again. I hope my little whatever that was is helpful in some way.