How to make it clear...

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When my libido gets the better of me...

I had a date tonight, I said from the moment I decided to go out with this girl tonight that I am not interested in anything serious. Then four hours into the date I found myself in my bed with this girl thinking I may have just mislead her with my actions. I could see it bothered her that I expected her to leave as well. I made her hot chocolate and told her I really wanted some alone time since this whole weekend will be spent with family. That seemed to be easier for her to accept...

I haven't dated in a really long time but I used to do exactly this and I never say I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, I make it so clear verbally but it's like with girls making out and bedroom nonsense is an indication that we're going somewhere... I say this after getting three texts from her not more than fifteen minutes after she left.

I have this problem with guys I mean sure I have made out with cute guys befor but I never wanted to date them they just get mad and leave but never stop texting me I tell them I wasn't trying to lead them on but they never believe me.

yup, girls tend to think of sex as a sign that the relationship is serious. you have to be very, very clear that you only want a one-night stand or just don't have sex until you're also invested in the relationship.

Why would you date someone if you're not interested in anything serious? That doesn't make any sense to me. If you just want to have sex, can't you do it without dating?

Women have a much stronger oxytocin response than men. In men the window of oxytocin influence lasts like 2 days. For women it typically lasts 2 weeks. So women may, even unintentionally, have a more emotional and long lasting response to sex than maybe they intended. Although, I would also say that if someone sleeps with you within roughly 4 hours, they probably don't have the best self-esteem and maybe that should have been a warning to both you and them. (if you don't know your date well enough to trust them to watch your dog for a weekend, why allow them inside your body?)

I don't get it either. But that's because that's something I wouldn't do. For me the purpose of dating is to become serious and eventually marry that person. But that may just be my old fashion views. For me sex is so tied up in emotions that I can't imagine having sex with someone for a one night stand. I think the problem with it is just what we've been discussing. One person considers this a one night stand and the other is thinking the relationship is going somewhere. Which is why I think that you shouldn't have sex on the first date or even the 2nd or 3rd or not at all until you know exactly where the relationship-if there is one is going.

I just laughed so hard, because I have to pay a total stranger from a dog sitting service to watch my dog next week. I'm not sure why I find that so funny. Anyway, I do know her well.

I date because I like going out and having a nice time. I don't mean date as in date a person exclusively. I don't see why I would choose between dating and having sex, sometimes the two go well together.

I don't assume low self-esteem, I always assume that like me, this person just wants sex, usually I assume that because I ask beforehand. It's like a switch gets flipped and women suddenly change their minds. Yet, I'm a woman too and I don't find myself suddenly feeling attached to someone after sex.

Now I'm concerned about my brain chemistry because I don't feel very emotional at all afterward, just kind of nice.

Maybe I should make something in this thread clear: "bedroom nonsense" is a euphemism for sexual activity. And yes, that's what sexuality is to me, sex, in or out of a committed relationship.

How would you suggest I treat my sexuality? Should I pretend it's all about going to the grocery store or reading science fiction? Do tell.

That's a fair point. I just thought about it and my ex has really low self-esteem yet I almost married him.

I think sometimes I find myself with people who aren't like that at all and sometimes I go for the outgoing people who are putting on a show even though I know it's just a show. I guess I don't usually evaluate a person's needs very thoroughly before putting myself in a position where they might expect me to meet those needs.

I think I'm going to wait a few days and if she's still all lovey dovey then I'll discuss it with her again to make sure I know where she stands and she knows where I stand.

So the problem is that she doesn't seem to be aware of what sex communicates to her? To me the only intent sex communicates is the intent to have an orgasm. It's a biological impulse. The only meaning it holds is the meaning an individual applies to it. I suppose I am making it clear that it's just fun for me. I wanted to know how to make it clear that the sex the date lead to is not an indication that I'm suddenly interested in a relationship but that's not even the problem, you've helped me realize