What do I do now? Or what did I do wrong?

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Taybot97
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23 Apr 2012, 8:37 pm

So I'm going straight to the problem. About 10 days ago I had my GF over at my house I didn't realize it until later but she seemed uncomfortable. In our one class together in school I try to start conversation but I'm not good at it and she doest seem to keep it up. There was a shorthand plan for me to go to her house last weekend over the 3-day weekend but it never happened because she "had too much homework". I didn't hear from her all weekend. Now we have tomorrow off and she tried te same excuse but I texted her still using the logic it won't take all day. I haven't heard back after a few hours and she ignores half my texts anyway. That last part isn't too bad because most of my friends do too. Is this normal? Does she still like me, she hasn't made any signs that that she likes me less than 4 months ago when I asked her out. Me not seeing her and getting ignored is getting annoying, should I end it?

*edit* added second title. Felt like it fit the topic better but wanted to keep the first.



myth
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24 Apr 2012, 8:45 am

Not much details to go on as to what you might have done wrong but it does sound like she is pulling away. Imo, people who WANT to spend time together BOTH actively seek to make it happen. It is also possible that she's got a lot going on or is going through some sort of stress and just wants to be alone for a while (rare but possible for NTs).

My advice would be to ask her if you two can talk for a bit when you have some time in a private area and ask her directly if there is something wrong that you might be able to help her with since she has seemed distant lately.

You might not get a direct answer (in my experience, no one speaks directly or honestly even when you ask for it specifically) but that is the best I can tell you. Have to at least try, right?


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Taybot97
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24 Apr 2012, 9:14 am

Thanks myth, never thought it could be a problem like stress on her end. Ill try to find a time to talk to her, if that can't happen maybe write her a note, clichè but then I know she gets it's. If she is pulling away I'd like to end it and stop wasting both of our time, if it's stress I can try to be supportive and help.

One more detail I should have put in my original post if anybody is still reading. I see her in the halls occasionally and she accognolages my existence but never a smile, wave, or "hi". I try to wave but she just looks, not happy not mad just neutral. I've also seen her talk to a friend in our one class together. Her friend sits next to me but half the time they talk she doesn't accnologage (I can't spell that word) I'm there. I think that is more evidence of pulling away but could it be a stressed caused issue?



myth
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24 Apr 2012, 9:18 am

It does sound like she is pulling away from you but I hate to jump to conclusions so I'd still prefer to ask straight out, personally.

But, I'd suggest you phrase it like I mentiond above and ask if she has any problems you might be able to help her out with. Because, if she HASN'T been pulling away from you specfically, insinuating to her that you feel she's been ignoring you might possibly offend her and CAUSE her to then pull away from you specifically :P whereas offering a supportive shoulder might possibly help to bring you closer together. Use words like "distant" and "destracted" not "ignoring" and "cold." The way you phrase it might cause her to feel like she is being attacked and put her on the defensive.

Idk, I'm pulling this out of my ass, lol. Take it with a grain of salt. Just what I'd do personally.


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Taybot97
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24 Apr 2012, 9:47 am

Your ass is a wise man if that's where this advice is coming from. I have no time in school to talk to her and can't seem to contact her outside of school so I can write her a note and give it to her in person tomorrow, it sounds like the second best option. Key points should be asking if anything is wrong, offering help, and without placing blame make it clear I don't like being ignored. I hope it's not her pulling away from me. Not only would breaking up with a girl I still like be hard but I have horrible self esteem and that won't help.

Thank you myth, you have greatly helped me. I would not have realized some of your points by myself. If I could give you a cookie you would be the proud owner of a new cookie, sadly I can't so imagine I did because te thought is still there.



myth
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24 Apr 2012, 12:26 pm

Taybot97 wrote:
Your ass is a wise man.

This is my new favorite quote :lol:


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