Liking/loving someone "automatically".

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Aspie1
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04 Jul 2016, 2:12 pm

During high school and college, I've always had my feelings kick in "automatically" in response to a girl showing genuine interest, even when no such feelings toward her existed before. It didn't matter if she was attractive or homely, fun or boring, compatible or clashing. If she showed interest in me, that's all it'd take for me to automatically develop feelings toward her. In two notable examples, I described those feelings as "love", even though in retrospect, I'm sure it was something else. Of course, since almost no girls ever liked me, I had no choice but "automatically" like/love whoever liked me first.

This had some consequences: (1) I never fully experienced that carefree "rainbows and unicorns" young love, because no girls liked me when I was young, (2) I never learned to properly understand my feelings toward women I'm dating, because I never had a choice in the matter, and (3) I never properly transitioned to the "deep sharing and commitment" style of love, because this kind of love terrifies me now.

Until maybe a year or so ago, I still dated whoever showed interest, because my other options were always loneliness or escorts, but the liking/loving on my part was no longer automatic. On occasion, my feelings, at whatever level they were, were even genuine. But this was always intermingled with viewing my girlfriend as a profound threat. On the plus side, if someone I'm not attracted to for whatever reason shows interest in me now, my main reaction is: "It's tempting to date her (it's free sex, after all), but it wouldn't be fair to me or her."

Did anyone else here like/love romantic partners "automatically".



Incendax
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04 Jul 2016, 8:50 pm

The combination of hormones and self esteem boost from having someone like you is a pretty potent drug. You get high on it, and don't want to come down, and can become outright addicted to it. You can also go into some pretty nasty withdrawl, and can even develop a little bit of PTSD over it.

Infatuation is one of the most popular recreational drugs. :mrgreen:
It can take a while, but eventually you will build up a tolerance.



Magi
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04 Jul 2016, 8:52 pm

when somebody is very compassionate towards you, do you cry?



nick007
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05 Jul 2016, 12:09 am

I liked most any women who was nice to me for a while but none of em really liked me in a romantic sense except for my 1st girlfriend. I didn't realize I liked her till after she said she liked me. I wasn't friends with my 2nd & current girlfriend before we got together but I fell in love with them really fast.


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Aspie1
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05 Jul 2016, 1:38 am

Just want to clarify something. I wasn't talking about pre-existing infatuations, and finding out they're into me. I was referring to my feelings toward someone going from 0 to 100 just from finding out she likes me. This was the case with my first girlfriend. She was homely-looking, and didn't draw attention to herself in class in any way. Heck, I barely even noticed her. But after she showed romantic interest in me, I was head-over-heels in love with her within minutes; at least so I thought.

She turned out to be grossly incompatible, and far too introverted even for myself back then. On our dates, I found myself thinking "This'll be a difficult relationship!" time and time again. The one reason I kept seeing her is because I "knew" I have no right to choose the woman to be with; it didn't occur to me to just stop seeing her. A few months later, we went to the winter ball at college, and she didn't want to dance close. That's when a switch flipped in my brain, and I fell out of love with her almost equally fast.