I'll try and keep this as concise as possible.
I met this girl at a BAR no less. We exchanged numbers and eventually I gathered the courage to text her and we decided to meet. We're both potheads and with her being from a foreign country (no real friends yet) we hung out a bunch.
She was having a real hard time with her new job (plus moving to a new country etc). She'd send me messages like 'I don't I could make it here without you'. I made some moronic decisions like buying her a bowl (to smoke with), chocolates for valentines.
As time went on I realized that I was beginning to like her and in typical fashion started to freak out/over analyze things in my head. One day I decided that I need to completely cut her off (because I was starting to get attached). So I drafted a moronic text message and that was that.
Three days later I get a FB message saying she had lost her phone. I know this sounds a little weird but I verified that she in fact did lose her phone and somehow she never got the message. So I took this as a sign from God and continued to be 'friends' with her haha.
And we continued to hang out and I guess I assumed she liked me (no reason for her to be hanging out me till 4am in the morning). But being a p**** I never did anything.
Eventually she decided she wanted to visit home for 10 days to clear out some health issues she couldn't solve here. We kept in touch but 10 days became 14 and she started texting me things like ' I have this really bad feeling they (her employers) don't want her to come back and that it would be a bummer because she wants to spend more time with me'.
3 weeks in she messages me saying she has bad news and that she had to quit her job. (Long story but her quitting was justified. Her employers treated her like s**t). At least she was coming back for a few days to pick up her stuff etc.
When she finally got here, I sort of shut down. I was feeling things I had never felt before. It takes 24 years for me to meet someone I can relate too and this happens. Anyway she brought me a bunch of gifts which I now assume was her way of equalizing the stuff I had bought her? She even smuggled in some chronic (weed) from the states. Proper mental hahaha.
On the last day she said she wanted to have a talk with me and she said she really really liked me. I sort of just went numb not really knowing what to say. I literally wanted to get down on my knees and beg her to stay but you know how it is. And so off she went.
On the way back from the airport (after dropping her) I guess I went into some sort of numb state and thought to myself 'wow, easier than I imagined'.
The next day however I went Howard Hughes on everyone. Booze, drugs you name it. Doors locked, windows boarded. Finally about three days ago like a moron I sent her a text saying I missed her. Her reply (word for word). "I know, I miss you terribly. I feel like I just lost my best friend. This sucks. I'm so sorry I had to come into your life and cause you so much disappointment and negativity". I didn't really know how to react so I did not reply.
Then yesterday she told me that a band I like very much played at the bar she works at and that she had a present for me. So she's going to send to her friend here and I have to go pick it up. This is a major issue because I absolutely detest her friends. I don't understand why this couldn't have been sent to me directly.
Anyway, I guess my questions are: 1) Why is she doing this. I mean I know she trying to be nice but I feel as though this does nothing but make me miss her more. 2) I was clearly wrong about her maybe liking me, being the 'best friend' and all. 3) I feel as though the best way to get over this would be to cut her off. Sounds stupid I know, but this is how I usually get over things. Because truthfully I'm broken right now and I need to get my life back in order quickly.
Thanks for the taking the time to read this. I really appreciate it.
10 Apr 2012, 8:34 am
