Page 1 of 1 [ 14 posts ] 

Tarralikitak
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 72
Location: Ontario, Canada

01 Apr 2012, 9:05 pm

I am in love with an Aspie and it's long distance. I really want to be with him and we've even talked about getting married someday. I will over come any obstacle to be with him because thats how much he means to me. We've been going through some issues and alot to do with communication. We've been together for close to 7 months now. We text, message each other, skype and call everyday. I would really appreciate any help about the communication aspect. The problems that we have are not understand what the other means sometimes, he wasn't telling me when he wasn't okay, sarcasm, and things along those lines...



Last edited by Tarralikitak on 01 Apr 2012, 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AScomposer13413
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Feb 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,157
Location: Canada

01 Apr 2012, 9:29 pm

Well, you haven't really specified what issues with communication you've been having, so it's gonna be a bit difficult to try and give advice :?



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas

01 Apr 2012, 9:43 pm

Speaking for myself, I need a lot of alone time. Sometimes just to write and take long walks, to go see a movie by myself in the evening or anything else I want to do. To stim. I sometimes, when alone, squeeze or twist a soft T-shirt, as I envision football, basketball, movies scenes. It's a stress release and a way to rehearse things and I think overall positive behavior, although private.

A speech therapist once used the analogy for me, like two birds running back and forth and dancing on the beach. Sometimes one bird dances forward and the other retreats, and then this bird dances forward and the other retreats.

So, let him pursue you, too.

And maybe some days, when he needs alone time, just let him limit it to a brief "Hello" text.



Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 01 Apr 2012, 10:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IlovemyAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2012
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: Alone

01 Apr 2012, 10:03 pm

yeah if you could elaborate on the communication issues....the fact that you communicate on a constant basis to me is excellent! I find that the AS/NT relationship communication issues stem mostly from the lack of communication. So that's half the battle imo. The understanding each other part takes, guess what? More communication and getting used to each other. As you "learn" each other you'll know what questions to ask and what the answers mean and the same with him. Sometimes you just have to say "what do you mean by that'. Don't try to guess or pretend you already know.



Tarralikitak
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 72
Location: Ontario, Canada

01 Apr 2012, 11:49 pm

... I think it's already too late. He no longer sees me as I see him. *Cries softly, to myself.*



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas

02 Apr 2012, 9:58 pm

Maybe not.

What if you wait two days to give him a little space and then send him a medium-length message telling some of what he means to you?

I mean, just take it medium step by medium step and see what happens.



AScomposer13413
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Feb 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,157
Location: Canada

02 Apr 2012, 10:00 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Maybe not.

What if you wait two days to give him a little space and then send him a medium-length message telling some of what he means to you?

I mean, just take it medium step by medium step and see what happens.


^ This!



IlovemyAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2012
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: Alone

03 Apr 2012, 12:44 am

yeah, cause it can't be over just like that?? You've got to be patient. Especially in an Aspie relationship. (shoot! Sometimes in relationships period) Try not to jump to conclusions too quickly. Trust me I've got a lot of experience with this NT/AS thing called love. Patience is key here.



Tarralikitak
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 72
Location: Ontario, Canada

03 Apr 2012, 7:27 pm

I am an aspie as well, the whole situation is complicated and I have been being patient, for 3 weeks. I feel like I am losing hope with only half of his heart ... I feel like it is all my fault.



Tarralikitak
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 72
Location: Ontario, Canada

06 Apr 2012, 10:28 am

Well, I made the decision easy for him. He can have her cause I am not sticking around! He can go die in a whole. I wish I could make him beg on his knees like he made me. He's not even worth it! I am such a fool for thinking he was.



AScomposer13413
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Feb 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,157
Location: Canada

06 Apr 2012, 1:54 pm

Tarralikitak wrote:
Well, I made the decision easy for him. He can have her cause I am not sticking around! He can go die in a whole. I wish I could make him beg on his knees like he made me. He's not even worth it! I am such a fool for thinking he was.


Sorry to hear things didn't work out :( You gonna be alright?



IlovemyAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2012
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: Alone

06 Apr 2012, 3:13 pm

oh wow, I didn't know their was a "her" invovled. He probably was worth it at one point. Don't beat yourself up.



Tarralikitak
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 72
Location: Ontario, Canada

06 Apr 2012, 8:15 pm

:cry: No, I am not okay.



Eldanesh
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 May 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 292
Location: Canada

08 Apr 2012, 8:48 pm

Distance relationships rarely work out, and would probably be even harder to salvage, so I guess you'll have to move on.

Regards,
Eldanesh