Goal/plan for th eday

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Today is First Friday, which if you're not familiar, is an arts event many cities have on the first Friday of the month.

I'm going to go out as I usually do to check the art and scope out the scene.

The woman I met on OKC, I will try to play it cool. Gonna text and say to the effect, "Hey I'll be out with my camera at First Friday. Ping me if you'll be out too!"

If she comes, money.

If not, I'm gonna talk to some women. Complete strangers. I will engage people. I will project confidence, worldliness, sophistication. I will flirt! I will meet some people.

God willing I'll find someone who'll come home with me, and we'll take it from there. f*****g SICK of being a virgin and feeling ugly. Would love to just have one night of meaningless fun, with a person who actually regards me as hot, whether it goes anywhere or not.

Gonna try to chance my life!

Went out. Took some photographs with a color process I'm playing with...but all the while I wondered if each photo wasn't a total cliche..had it been taken before?

So so many people out and about. Damned if I could talk to any of them. They're all in groups, and how can I penetrate that?

So many beautiful women, all with a guy they're hanging on to.

So desperate to talk to someone, to hang out. I posted on face book if anyone wanted to meet up. No reply.

This is why I'm so desperate to find a woman to love. I'm losing all my friends to marriage, they're all drifting away, and being single I don't get invited to go on their couples outings.

I feel so disconnected. I don't even know how to begin to talk to people, and if I find a woman, we can be each others companions so I won't have to worry any longer about trying to connect with other people.

God there is so much about me to fix. I could cry. As a matter of fact, I have dreams where in them I will sob uncontrollably. I don't even know how to begin to get better at this.