Looking in eyes makes my head explode

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achicinchina84
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07 Apr 2012, 8:46 am

Anyone else have this problem? I am 27...never been in a romantic relationship. I would like to be in a relationship someday (soon preferably). It seems like anytime I get a crush on a guy "my head asplodes" when I look him in the eye or have any sort of physical contact. Normally I am just uncomfortable looking people in the eye and but when I LIKE a guy my discomfort jumps from a 5 to a 9.9 (1 being low, 10 being high). I know a certain degree of awkwardness is normal, but I think this is excessive. Any tips? Any thoughts? :oops:


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iceveela
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07 Apr 2012, 9:55 am

I cannot make eye contact, it gives me severe anxiety. I have never been able to look at people in the eye unless I was looking at eye color only. But that's an exception. Eye contact is a big no-no to me.


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HisDivineMajesty
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07 Apr 2012, 10:25 am

I can make eye-contact, but if someone is staring at me intensively, or too close for comfort, it builds up a kind of pressure that only goes away if I look somewhere else for a moment.



rabbittss
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07 Apr 2012, 10:30 am

I have the opposite problem so I'm probably not the best to give advice.. I tend to stare at the other persons eyes. Some girls like it because it makes me look like I'm paying really close attention to what they are saying.. others find it creepy and have told me so.

It probably doesn't help that I go long periods without blinking while I'm talking to some one I'm interested in.



achicinchina84
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07 Apr 2012, 11:05 am

So funny, I totally have a crush on a guy who I think may be somewhere on the spectrum, and he does the same thing! His eyes are the most intense thing I have encountered in years, makes me want to im/explode just thinking about it! Good conversations, but I have to sit off to the side when I am around him.



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07 Apr 2012, 11:10 am

I tried dating sites to get a girlfriend when I was younger. Dated two different women from this approach, neither of which I married. My wife picked me up one morning while I was standing at a bus stop. Been married 15 years.

Dating sites might be worth a try!


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oddness
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07 Apr 2012, 2:58 pm

Last year I was in your situation, same age and everything and I decide to accept a date with a friend of a friend. We played sport for the first few dates so it didnt require that much eye contact and he didnt seem to notice that I wasnt giving him any. After a while he did notice and started trying to get me to stare into his eyes and I at one point I left the room because I felt so uncomfortable. I told him afterwards I may be an aspie and that making eye contact can be painful/scary to aspies and it definitely is for me.

In hindsight I think he wanted to make eye contact with me because thats how NT people start a kiss ie they stare deeply into each others eyes and move their faces closer until they kiss. I think subconsciously everytime I looked at him I thought if I didnt look away quickly he would read it as a signal that I wanted to kiss him. I have absolutely no idea what signals Im giving out and alot of the time I actually dont think I give out any. When we eventually kissed for the first time Im sure I wasnt looking at him, I think he'd just realised he wasnt going to get the usual NT signals from me so he would just have to kiss me and see what my reaction was.

Since we started kissing I realise that the worst thing that can happen if I stare at him too long is he will kiss me and that's actually quite nice, so I have been making more eye contact recently.

If you are lucky you might find someone who also doesnt make eye contact alot so wont notice that you dont make it. I think the more you get to know someone the more you will relax and be able to make eye contact and physical contact. You just need to take it slow, start as friends and if you make friends with the right person they will like you for your personality, hobbies etc not for your eye contact making skills

There are people out there who will take a relationship slow because I have found one, it was a month before we hugged a few more months before he kissed my cheek and another few months before he tried kissing my lips. Any NT would probably think its unnatural to not want sex after 2months but for me its a comfortable pace and best of all the guy seems to understand.

Sorry for rambling but hope that helps.



muslimmetalhead
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07 Apr 2012, 6:33 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
I can make eye-contact, but if someone is staring at me intensively, or too close for comfort, it builds up a kind of pressure that only goes away if I look somewhere else for a moment.


That's called "being normal"


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07 Apr 2012, 9:56 pm

I have a hard time making eye contact I have to know you pretty well to make eye contact with you if I do not know you my axiety goes threw the roof.