Things not to do around someone your attracted to

Post Reply New Topic

I feel like we should make a list of things not to do around your crush, and/or someone that your hoping will take interest in you. Idk about u guys, I have a tendency to make a fool of myself. If your just a super pessimist and have come to the conclusion that the person will never like you then this doesnt apply. If your hoping the person will like u, then theres just certain things you shouldn't do for the time being. It doesn't mean you'll never get to do those things, just means dont do them until u get to know the person better. Heres what I can think of.

1) Do not make sexual jokes, comments or keep them very mild/subtle (especially guys hoping to get girls),you might come off as creepy or disgusting. Im sure theres a correct way to make them, I dont personally know.
2) Do not make comments about having bad hygeine, make sure u dont stink around them.
3) Do not make comments about thinking that their gay, unless they really are, if this is a straight situation, it might confuse them.
4) Do not stalk your crush. This means constantly following them, calling, texting, or any kinda contact. Unless its reciprocated. Contacting them a little more then they contact you is ok if your trying to initate something. Just dont overdo it.
5) Do not do or say stupid things just to get their attention, in the end u want the right kinda attention not the wrong kinda attention.
6) Do not talk excessively about your problems to them, you can come off as needy and/or despirete.

4a) Wait three days AFTER they give you their number before you contact them.
Exception: If they call you first :-p

keep your obsessions to yourself, no one else wants to know.

Well, I am just guessing, but I would assume that:
Do not act in a self-pitying/depressed manner, or go on about how you will never get a girlfriend/boyfriend.

I am guilty of number 5 on the OP's list, though sometimes it is accidental.

Could people also list things you SHOULD do around people you are attracted to (assuming you want to attract them)?

Sounds like a fair and reasonable list thus far.

When I met my current boyfriend..the transition caused me an extreme amount of anxiety..and since the first part of our dating consisted of internet correspondence, I sorta spilled my guts to him about the things about myself. I am not in to playing games...and I wanted to warn him about what he was getting into, because when we met I was going through some rough times and was having a very complicated life...and I was feeling quite lonesome and was in serious need of some manner of individual who I could be comfortable with whom I could connect...and he came along just at the right time...and have managed to click..

I would add to this list that a thing not to do around someone to whom you are attracted is to not-"not be yourself" (this is a hard thing for me not to do...I can't "fake" at being different from who I am)...and if at all possible, um..."don't sell yourself short"...this one is very hard for me...as I have baggage and self esteem problems that flair up and I go through some rough and rocky times still...that are somewhat unnecessary and are very much based upon my own negative perceptions of myself

Don't think yourself "not worthy"...another one I have troubles with...and kinda redundant...as it ties in very well with the above one...

There are things I have altered about myself because I have been worried about how he thinks of me...because my being attracted to someone inevitably leads to feelings of insecurity...I started bathing more frequently and I now shave my armpits...when I had not done so in years...

I even tried to start playing World of Warcraft, and I have an account, but thus far, it has not worked out very well for me...I would really have to force myself into it and I am no good at "forcing" interests upon myself....Conversely..I do not interfere with his obsession or criticize him for it...and I think that any diverting from it that I may have caused is not necc. "unhealthy"....It IS healthy to get away from a computer screen once in a while..and as an IT person who is on computers MOST of the time for both work and recreation, it has done a number on his health...and he had not had much in the way of relationships for a few years when I met him...

I have depth perception and spatial difficulties that make games like WoW especially challenging for me. On one hand, it is a good brain exercise...to the point where my head hurts from struggling to play...on the other had...it is hard to reroute myself from my own repetitive fixations....as long as he is understanding of it (and my difficulty in reading people makes it a struggle to take this for granted).....then I am cool with it.

yeah by all means go ahead, thatd be helpful too. I was just in the mood that I constantly make a fool of myself around my crush when I wrote this. I dont really have anything to contribute to that list.

http://lifebyhimym.posterous.com/the-signal

Seriously... the wait three days thing is cliche.

Edit: Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU5CxcPU2iE

Edit2: If you're going to be around them, go for it or leave it be. Don't do it halfway.

Very good observations. I always had trouble with people due to saying sexually explicit things and making stupid jokes and acting goofy, my sense of humor is far better than that of NTs though. But my sense of humor is better when it comes to literal logic, yes humor can be done that way but since I would not be able to read mind I would not know that many of my jokes would be silly. Now I have acquired what I call local language skills and recently mind reading and social interaction skills. I have made some paradigm/rules so that aspies can understand them logically. My paradigms generalizes all the rules that one sees on the thread "Autism social rule book". I post them in a month or two.
Just to give you a taste.
Above mention "don'ts" can be generalized as follows:-
Each individual has a "mental space". If you get open so soon and in front of stranger then you are allowing them to transgress you "mental space" and thereby disrespect and therefore you lose self-respect. There are hyperactive NTs who do goofy things but my experiences show that these people are generally very NT, so they know where to draw the line and the implications of what they are doing. By"Implication" I mean the image other people build of them(Hyperactive NTs) in their mind after seeing their act. We don't even know that NTs constantly(intuitively) socially judge each others by whatever they say, do, gesticulate or the facial expression they make.
Regarding sexual jokes see the link in my signatures for what I call local language skills to understand real implication of a sexual joke.

I created the list after thinking long and hard about all the things I did wrong in the past and how not to repeat them so basically Im guilty of all. Even with my current crush, Im guilty of half of them to a smaller extent. I sent this list to one of my friends and he added this 1 which Im also guilty of

Dont have sex with your crush. This can be more so for emotional reasons. I think this mostly applies to female aspies, cause guys can just take advantage of you for sex when they know you like them. Thats all they might want, and if you want more then that, your probably not gonna get more then that.

Sexual jokes are ALWAYS inappropriate unless among friends, and even then they usually have to be of the same sex as you. Sexual references are fine, but probably not something you would want to be making in front of someone you barely know, let alone trying to impress.

Act human.

I started making a do's list, but most of what I wrote are just so basic that if you don't know how to do them you should probably forget about attracting anyone and work on your social skills first.

And different people are attracted to different things, so while a don'ts list may be useful for people with AS a do's list probably won't do anything to anyone who can already pass as human.

Um, I actually was hoping others would list some, I honestly have no idea. I came onto this thread because I have a crush but am not sure how to attract her. The suggestion I gave was made using assumptions from reading other stuff on this part of the forum.

1. http://lifebyhimym.posterous.com/the-signal
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU5CxcPU2iE
3. If you're going to be around them, go for it or leave it be. Don't do it halfway.

List done. What's next?

Edit: Uh, by the way: I don't mean to go up to someone you don't know and kiss them. I mean... don't wait around trying to find a signal.

Id say you can mention your obsessions just dont ramble a monologue about it that dominates the conversation. Your obsessions are your interests so its good to let people know about them to see if u guys have some common ground.

I'd add

Try to keep your stimming to a bare minimum.

Don't hide facts about yourself if it makes you nervous (i.e. she asks why you don't "get out much"). Be honest and outright with it. The worst thing that can happen is she decides that's a dealbreaker for her, and if so, it wasn't gonna happen anyway. If NTs pick up that you are dodging (and they usually will), they'll assume the worst, that you're hiding something very bad like being a child molester, doing drugs, etc. I think THIS is where a lot of people get the "creepy" impression from those with AS. This rule goes both for dates and job interviews.

Don't monologue. This is one I have trouble with because a lot of my better social interaction techniques involve a lot of memorized scripts. This falls in with being a good listener.

Don't say anything remotely controversial or anything that could be construed as crude, inappropriate, etc. until you know a person well enough to understand what's likely to offend them.

Those are a few of the things I find are helpful with social interactions in general.

I can't agree with number 1. A joke is likely the most subtle, comfortable, and best way to introduce sexual interest. Of course it has to be a funny joke that happens to deal with sex. The "can't believe he just said that" shock value type jokes should only be done with good friends.

DO NOT wait 3 days. This is the biggest turn off to me. It makes me think they're just playing games with me.
Call the next day. If you don't get an answer leave a message. You can call again the next day but if you don't get a return call after that don't call back.