Asking someone out

Post Reply New Topic

Hi guys,

I wondered if you could share some advice on how to ask a girl out?

Of course, in some ways, it is kind of obvious;

"Do you want to see a movie/bowling/dinner sometime?"

What I am afraid of is rejection as I have never actually asked a girl out before. If she says 'no' then what should I say to ensure that we can maintain our friendship and continue on as normal? Would that be impossible? I always think that when I ask a girl out and she'd say 'no', that she'd tell all her friends (the girl that I like shares many friends with me as well) and it would get spread throughout 'the network' so to speak and I'd look like a fool.

if anyone could give me tips/encouragement on this, i would really appreciate it as i think it's about time I stopped moping and start being more proactive.

The asking out of someone for a date is like totally weird to me. How is the best way to do it? I don't know. I'd give anything for that special someone to ask me out. So simple to just say yes. But the asking part is like, yikes.

Don't worry about it too much. If you are already friends she will care too much to say no. She will say yes but make the boundaries clear as friends, in fact as friends is how I got started, after a while I actually asked her out for real and she said a confident yes.


Condensed
1) ask her out to do anything the same way a normal friend
2) unless she makes it clear she only wants a friend continue
3) wait until your comfortable but not too long for friend zone and ask her out for real
4) good luck
5) this came from expierence so it works 100% of the once I've done it

Just do it like this:

"Hey, I was thinking of seeing that new movie/concert/restaurant opening up. Why don't you come with me, it'll be fun."

"Um...are you asking me on a date?"

"Only if you let me pay."

Basically, be nonchalant, be relaxed, be funny. DON'T act like you're asking her a favor, and DON'T act disappointed if she says no. Just smile, say, "Some other time, then," and walk away.

My advice:

1. Make sure you two are getting along well and have established good communication first.

2. Don't make it official or contract-like by saying "Do you wanna go out?" or using the word date. Don't directly convey to her that it will be a date. Just a friendly hangout that COULD be a date.

3. Don't act like it's life or death. Don't ask her out like you would ask your boss for a raise. Say it casually, like you would ask a friend to hang out with you.

Guys, there is no such things as just friends. You can pretend that it is just friends. However, it is never ever just friends.

Start out with conversations before you ask her out.
Talk with lots and lots of girls.

The date should be well under an hour.

1. Ask her out for a soft drink at the seven eleven.
2. Ask her out for ice cream.
3. Start out with conversations before you ask her out.

+++++++

My wife and I were just friends for eight months. We never kissed or hugged. The next thing I know, we were just engaged. She told her friends that we were engaged about 6 weeks before I knew she was interested in me as a romantic partner. I have been married for almost 19 years to a wonderful wife.

I am 27 and still have never grasped this concept. I am just way too shy and being alone for so long, I have no idea as well what I should do, how I should do it, etc. Very rarely will I meet someone that I can work up courage to ask. And when I say rarely, I mean 2 girls in 8 years. Last girl I went with I tried flirting with her for almost 2 months (I am slow ) Finally she pretty much spelled it out to me that she wanted me to take the next step. Took me a few attempts to do it, but I went in one day and just forced myself to do it. I got up to the counter, started mumbling some jibberish, then finally my mind clicked and I left it up to her. (she knew I was trying) I said "If you ever want to do something sometime, give me a call" and I left her my business card. Thats my smoothest move I could muster up. Took her a few days but we finally went to lunch, then a few weeks went by and she kept bailing last minute whenever we made plans, so I told her how I didn't appriciate her "flakiness" Here I am alone.

Problem is getting to know a girl, for me, I work 8-14 hours a day. When I get home, I am tired and I never meet anyone. Plus trust issues w/ people, awkwardness with people, the works. Most people just don't stand out from others for me. Probably because I am so different from society.

Your question made me think of all the ones I have been wondering for so long. I just cannot fathom the idea of meeting someone, haveing a relationship, marriage, everything that has to do with social norms, etc. I don't know really how to flirt, how to start a relationship, when you can call it a relationship, how to explain to someone that you are monogomos, engage in conversations with the opposite sex, what to do date-wise, how to open up to someone and have them accept you, knowing when it's too much info to tell. How to even know if you are dating, how to explain to someone that you want to be more than friends, how to explain why I have been alone forever, why I have no relationships, why I hardly have friends, why I suck at social situations, why I am not into casual no strings attached sex, why I am old-school when I think about romance, my obcessions with thinking and feeling. The list is absolutely endless. Also why I have no knowledge of these things at the age of 27. I am absolutely scared that I will find nobody that I can actually be with that would even consider me. I fear that I am 10+ years too late when it comes to the time I should have had all of these answers. I have seen it first hand when trying to open up to people about these problems that they just don't want anything to do with me. Things like this have really kept me closed off anymore. I am at a loss as to what I can do to fix this. I have had this gut feeling for many years that it is too late for me. I don't want to die alone.

So I guess my advice would be to just "wing-it" and be honest

-m

im not going to go into detail about how to ask a girl out but i do have some advice for ya!

if you do make arrangements with a girl, dont do the typical dinner and a movie routine. honestly, it lacks creativity / fun / spontaneity, and is generally tactfully terrible.

instead, try to do something unique. go mini golfing, for example. anything you could see yourself AND her having fun TOGETHER doing. the typical dinner / movie thing is alright in terms of fun, but thats a pretty long date, and if you are anything like me, you'll run out of smart things to say pretty fast, and awkward silence is definitely not the average girl's idea of a good time. if you are actually DOING something together, on the other hand, talking is easier because you have a lot more to talk about, things that are activity related, etc.

just my .02

Sorry to hack into someone else's thread but I need some help on this too. At the end of a conversation is "hey, do you want to go for coffee sometime?" and then getting her number a good way? I feel like my biggest problem with girls is that I don't open up enough to them and going on a "date" (movie, coffee, whatever) or just a hangout session would be so much easier for me than at school or randomly seeing them around town. And my biggest problem with socializing is always leaving too soon and ending the conversation too early. Is this a turn off to girls? My social skills are probably above average, but I still get worn out from socializing and need to spend time relaxing at home both before and after social events.