AS loveseekers expecting NT traits?

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Hi!

Just a passing thought. I spoke to a fellow aspie, and she raised an interesting point. Many aspies seeking partners, look for warning signs typical of NT's when people message them or write in certain ways, even on Asperger's dating sites. So when one aspie tries to connect to the other, on top of the anxiety between the 2 parties there is also the "oh they're typing like a weirdo (even though I know they're an aspie and I'm an aspie too!!). i should ignore them even though i showed an interest in them!" thing going on.

So I must ask, do others find this to be true? And if you do think so, why do you think some aspies on dating sites might expect other aspies to be NT and show no patience for the same symptoms and behaviours they themselves have?

I think some of us forget at times that AS can present very differently from individual to individual. While I don't have much experience with dealing with what you described on AS dating sites, I've dated two guys with AS I had the luck to meet elsewhere IRL.

In my experience, I wouldn't say we were necessarily intolerant of each other's traits as much as we had the tendency to project our own experiences onto each other and assume we were more alike than we really were, just by virtue of sharing the same diagnosis. I think this could just be a Theory of Mind thing, though, and something that can be helped a lot by patience and communication.

Thank you, blue. I guess I've been accused of being NT because I've overcome a lot of my problems and do seem very adept, if clinical.
At times I have also assumed others might have more than just AS when really they are simply lower functioning, or had more bad experiences in their past with other individuals.

You make a good point that AS varies from one individual to the other, and our individual AS isn't the only kind of AS. It's easy to forget that and patience and communication definitely resolve differences in that way of thinking

What blueroses said rings true...

I remember reading somewhere on this site that the site's founders had expected these forums to be full of people like them, and were surprised by the diversity of minds that flocked to these boards. That's been my experience interacting with other aspies, as well.

Now, having said that, I personally find these differences fascinating, and I do tend to be more patient with someone if I know he/she is on the spectrum. Also, note that greater deficits in communication do not necessarily indicate that someone is "lower-functioning" overall... It occurs to me that we may have many similarities in thought and experience, which can only be realized by overcoming differences in communication.

Yes, dude. Some people have more anxiety than others, some have overcome some problems some haven't, some have had different problems in life, some have had better lives in different respects socially, some have experience some don't, and the list goes on. Just thought I'd chuck a few examples out there, so people don't assume my views on it are narrow ..

It's definitely diverse.