22 Apr 2012, 12:14 am
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diniesaur
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22 Apr 2012, 12:33 am
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Sweetleaf
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22 Apr 2012, 9:08 am
22 Apr 2012, 11:10 am
Roxas_XIII wrote:
I'll be honest, I actually like this girl. The idea of a lifetime together with her is quite appealing to me, and it is very possible seeing as we've clicked together quite well over the past half a year we've been dating. My problem is not with the relationship, it's with the disapproval of the relationship by the Powers that Be (Whomever They may be) that has been expressed in the form of our collective luck running out completely.
Although to be fair... In the end I think it was trivial.
Basically, after posting this I took my shinai and went to the park, where I spent about 30 minutes performing the most radical and strenuous techniques I have learned in the way of the sword, including a few of my own invention. The workout didn't last as long as I intended but the effect was the same. Afterwards I sat down to watch the sky and began thinking.
I came to the conclusion that, in my crushing disappointment to the failure of our date before it even began, I failed to realize that she was just as upset over it as I was. She said she had been crying for over half an hour before she called. I'm not quite sure if this was because she was disappointed about the date like I was (after all can't stargaze if you can't see clearly, and she's almost legally blind without her glasses), or because she was frustrated at breaking a $150 frame that she got less than a month ago. It seem like a bit of both to me.
Well... anyways, I will call her tomorrow before she goes to work, and ask her if I can help, and also apologize for the way I responded. I doubt she'll even remember if I was angry or not, because even though I was clearly upset I kept telling her it wasn't her fault and that I wasn't upset at her. I'll also mention that I realized she must have been just as upset. She's not the kind that holds these things against people for very long, and she is very forgiving, it's one of the reasons our relationship has lasted as long as it has.
At any rate, there's been a new development that kind of drove this trivial drama out of my head for the time being. I was headed back from the park because I was freezing my ass off lying on the ground watching meteors. I return home to find my mother in a chair in the front living room with a massive bag of ice on her ankle. Apparently she was coming downstairs to get her jacket so she could take my little sister to see the meteors, and in the darkness she missed a step going downstairs and sprained her ankle. And by sprained I mean she f**** it up pretty bad, she couldn't stand without a walking stick and couldn't walk without someone supporting her. Anyways, since going back upstairs was suicide at this point, I made up the couch with some blankets so she could sleep on it, and got her aspirin and stuff from downstairs so that she could sleep. In the process of worrying about her I completely forgot about the sh** that went down tonight. Now it seems like something that was far less serious than it appeared.
Anyways, headed to bed, my mom wants me to drive her to the urgent care center tomorrow to have her ankle looked at. Her car is a stickshift and with her busted ankle she can't operate the clutch. Lucky for her she taught me how to drive stick last summer, huh?
Although to be fair... In the end I think it was trivial.
Basically, after posting this I took my shinai and went to the park, where I spent about 30 minutes performing the most radical and strenuous techniques I have learned in the way of the sword, including a few of my own invention. The workout didn't last as long as I intended but the effect was the same. Afterwards I sat down to watch the sky and began thinking.
I came to the conclusion that, in my crushing disappointment to the failure of our date before it even began, I failed to realize that she was just as upset over it as I was. She said she had been crying for over half an hour before she called. I'm not quite sure if this was because she was disappointed about the date like I was (after all can't stargaze if you can't see clearly, and she's almost legally blind without her glasses), or because she was frustrated at breaking a $150 frame that she got less than a month ago. It seem like a bit of both to me.
Well... anyways, I will call her tomorrow before she goes to work, and ask her if I can help, and also apologize for the way I responded. I doubt she'll even remember if I was angry or not, because even though I was clearly upset I kept telling her it wasn't her fault and that I wasn't upset at her. I'll also mention that I realized she must have been just as upset. She's not the kind that holds these things against people for very long, and she is very forgiving, it's one of the reasons our relationship has lasted as long as it has.
At any rate, there's been a new development that kind of drove this trivial drama out of my head for the time being. I was headed back from the park because I was freezing my ass off lying on the ground watching meteors. I return home to find my mother in a chair in the front living room with a massive bag of ice on her ankle. Apparently she was coming downstairs to get her jacket so she could take my little sister to see the meteors, and in the darkness she missed a step going downstairs and sprained her ankle. And by sprained I mean she f**** it up pretty bad, she couldn't stand without a walking stick and couldn't walk without someone supporting her. Anyways, since going back upstairs was suicide at this point, I made up the couch with some blankets so she could sleep on it, and got her aspirin and stuff from downstairs so that she could sleep. In the process of worrying about her I completely forgot about the sh** that went down tonight. Now it seems like something that was far less serious than it appeared.
Anyways, headed to bed, my mom wants me to drive her to the urgent care center tomorrow to have her ankle looked at. Her car is a stickshift and with her busted ankle she can't operate the clutch. Lucky for her she taught me how to drive stick last summer, huh?
Very glad to see you've gained some perspective. This bodes well for you in a relationship
Now you'll just have to work on the in-the-moment level of reaction, since if you some day get married you won't be able to hide that ... probably best to do what my husband does, leave the house until it's sorted out in your head. Getting a work out in like you did is excellent for clearing one's head.
I am sorry to hear about your mother and hope it heals soon. You sound like a good son.
Take care and best of luck when you next see your girlfriend.
The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Apr 2012, 1:52 pm
22 Apr 2012, 3:03 pm
DW_a_mom wrote:
Roxas_XIII wrote:
I'll be honest, I actually like this girl. The idea of a lifetime together with her is quite appealing to me, and it is very possible seeing as we've clicked together quite well over the past half a year we've been dating. My problem is not with the relationship, it's with the disapproval of the relationship by the Powers that Be (Whomever They may be) that has been expressed in the form of our collective luck running out completely.
Although to be fair... In the end I think it was trivial.
Basically, after posting this I took my shinai and went to the park, where I spent about 30 minutes performing the most radical and strenuous techniques I have learned in the way of the sword, including a few of my own invention. The workout didn't last as long as I intended but the effect was the same. Afterwards I sat down to watch the sky and began thinking.
I came to the conclusion that, in my crushing disappointment to the failure of our date before it even began, I failed to realize that she was just as upset over it as I was. She said she had been crying for over half an hour before she called. I'm not quite sure if this was because she was disappointed about the date like I was (after all can't stargaze if you can't see clearly, and she's almost legally blind without her glasses), or because she was frustrated at breaking a $150 frame that she got less than a month ago. It seem like a bit of both to me.
Well... anyways, I will call her tomorrow before she goes to work, and ask her if I can help, and also apologize for the way I responded. I doubt she'll even remember if I was angry or not, because even though I was clearly upset I kept telling her it wasn't her fault and that I wasn't upset at her. I'll also mention that I realized she must have been just as upset. She's not the kind that holds these things against people for very long, and she is very forgiving, it's one of the reasons our relationship has lasted as long as it has.
At any rate, there's been a new development that kind of drove this trivial drama out of my head for the time being. I was headed back from the park because I was freezing my ass off lying on the ground watching meteors. I return home to find my mother in a chair in the front living room with a massive bag of ice on her ankle. Apparently she was coming downstairs to get her jacket so she could take my little sister to see the meteors, and in the darkness she missed a step going downstairs and sprained her ankle. And by sprained I mean she f**** it up pretty bad, she couldn't stand without a walking stick and couldn't walk without someone supporting her. Anyways, since going back upstairs was suicide at this point, I made up the couch with some blankets so she could sleep on it, and got her aspirin and stuff from downstairs so that she could sleep. In the process of worrying about her I completely forgot about the sh** that went down tonight. Now it seems like something that was far less serious than it appeared.
Anyways, headed to bed, my mom wants me to drive her to the urgent care center tomorrow to have her ankle looked at. Her car is a stickshift and with her busted ankle she can't operate the clutch. Lucky for her she taught me how to drive stick last summer, huh?
Although to be fair... In the end I think it was trivial.
Basically, after posting this I took my shinai and went to the park, where I spent about 30 minutes performing the most radical and strenuous techniques I have learned in the way of the sword, including a few of my own invention. The workout didn't last as long as I intended but the effect was the same. Afterwards I sat down to watch the sky and began thinking.
I came to the conclusion that, in my crushing disappointment to the failure of our date before it even began, I failed to realize that she was just as upset over it as I was. She said she had been crying for over half an hour before she called. I'm not quite sure if this was because she was disappointed about the date like I was (after all can't stargaze if you can't see clearly, and she's almost legally blind without her glasses), or because she was frustrated at breaking a $150 frame that she got less than a month ago. It seem like a bit of both to me.
Well... anyways, I will call her tomorrow before she goes to work, and ask her if I can help, and also apologize for the way I responded. I doubt she'll even remember if I was angry or not, because even though I was clearly upset I kept telling her it wasn't her fault and that I wasn't upset at her. I'll also mention that I realized she must have been just as upset. She's not the kind that holds these things against people for very long, and she is very forgiving, it's one of the reasons our relationship has lasted as long as it has.
At any rate, there's been a new development that kind of drove this trivial drama out of my head for the time being. I was headed back from the park because I was freezing my ass off lying on the ground watching meteors. I return home to find my mother in a chair in the front living room with a massive bag of ice on her ankle. Apparently she was coming downstairs to get her jacket so she could take my little sister to see the meteors, and in the darkness she missed a step going downstairs and sprained her ankle. And by sprained I mean she f**** it up pretty bad, she couldn't stand without a walking stick and couldn't walk without someone supporting her. Anyways, since going back upstairs was suicide at this point, I made up the couch with some blankets so she could sleep on it, and got her aspirin and stuff from downstairs so that she could sleep. In the process of worrying about her I completely forgot about the sh** that went down tonight. Now it seems like something that was far less serious than it appeared.
Anyways, headed to bed, my mom wants me to drive her to the urgent care center tomorrow to have her ankle looked at. Her car is a stickshift and with her busted ankle she can't operate the clutch. Lucky for her she taught me how to drive stick last summer, huh?
Very glad to see you've gained some perspective. This bodes well for you in a relationship
Now you'll just have to work on the in-the-moment level of reaction, since if you some day get married you won't be able to hide that ... probably best to do what my husband does, leave the house until it's sorted out in your head. Getting a work out in like you did is excellent for clearing one's head.
I am sorry to hear about your mother and hope it heals soon. You sound like a good son.
Take care and best of luck when you next see your girlfriend.
Thanks. Yeah, I called her up this morning and apologized sincerely. She told me that she didn't mind, she understood I was disappointed and she apologized for her being so upset, it was just she is kind of blind without her glasses. She had a shift at the resident cafeteria on campus today, but her supervisor took one look at her minus her glasses and told her to go home and take the day off, that she could work a shift on finals week instead to make up for it.
So for now she's got an appointment with the eye care center that sold her the glasses tomorrow, hopefully she can get them fixed and whatnot. For now she's doing the one thing she can do with the glasses in the state they're in, that is working on her paper. I personally want to read the book when she's done, I've read a bit of the foreword and it seems really interesting. From what I can understand, The Book of Five Rings is one of the more famous texts on combat technique and military strategy, much like Macheivelli's The Prince or Sun Tzu's The Art of War. She said she'd loan it to me over the summer, since she only bought it for the paper anyways. I kind of want to show it to my uncle, you know the one who runs the tactical firearms class in Longmont. He incoporates a lot of Eastern martial arts philosophy into his class, because he considers it a martial art just like bushido and judo, except you're fighting with a gun instead of a sword or your hands.
As for my mother, she'll be ok. She's on crutches right now but as long as she uses them she'll heal. Unfortunately, the injury couldn't have happened at a worse time, because she's in her senior year at the University (non-trad, she's in her late 40's and never had the chance when she was younger), and Dead Week is coming up. For those unfamiliar with the college student's vernacular, Dead Week is the last week of classes prior to finals. It is named because all of your final class projects and assignments are due on this week, and between that and the massive amounts of review and studying for finals, you're going to come out of it looking like the walking dead.
So she'll need to go to classes all next week, she's asked me to be her personal driver for the week because she can't drive the car with a bum ankle. I hate the fact that she got hurt, but to be honest I'm actually kind of glad, because she and I have been kind of having problems lately, she's helped me so much in the past and she's been feeling recently like I haven't been grateful for her. Well, I am, and as much as it sounds mean to say it I'm glad she busted her ankle because now I can help her and take care of her and hopefully I can show her my gratitude in actions since I can't seem to express it in words.
22 Apr 2012, 3:35 pm
22 Apr 2012, 5:55 pm
22 Apr 2012, 6:18 pm
Chronos wrote:
Roxas_XIII wrote:
I take a moment for all my hopelessness and despair to sink in, and then I start yelling at the top of my lungs in the middle of the university residential complex, looking up at the sky, basically asking God what the hell his problem was, why He couldn't let me have ONE DECENT RELATIONSHIP without bad sh** happening all the time, and that I didn't care if I was going to hell for saying it, but that I thought He was a sad, sadistic f**** that got off from seeing other people miserable.
The issue here is, your perspective.
Let us recap.
1. You wanted to have a date with your girlfriend.
2. She couldn't meet you because she has a lot of homework and assignments to do.
3. You wanted her to watch a meteor shower with you.
4. She told you rather unexpectedly that she could make it after all.
5. Shortly there after, she tells you that she broke her glasses and can't come.
6. You tell her you want to come over and help her fix them.
7. She expressed to you that she wishes to be left alone concerning this matter.
8. You challenge this.
9. She strikes you down and hangs up.
10. You take your frustrations out on the universe.
But here are the undertones that you likely missed.
2. She would like to meet you but she has a lot riding on these assignments she has to turn in, and is stressed about it.
4. Despite the work she has to do and the fact that she's stressed out about it, the prospect of having had turned you down stresses her as well, so she attempts to facilitate a meeting, either by working faster, or, making an academic sacrifice.
5. She either actually does break her glasses as she hurries to meet you, or she realizes she doesn't have the time to meet you after all, and makes up a story. Either way, she tells you she can't meet you.
6. You offer to go to her place to fix her glasses, under the pretense of wanting to help her. However, you actually want to see her more than you want to help her.
7. She rejects this offer either because she decides she's too tired and stressed, or because she didn't actually break them. Either way, she doesn't wish to see you. It's not a good time for her.
8. Here is where you exhibit the disconnect which is a potential problem in the relationship. Rather than listening to her and understanding her needs, you pursued your own agenda. In your mind, when she indicated she had a problem (broken glasses), you likely envisioned that it was the right thing to do to go over there and help her fix them. But let us taker a closer look at the concept of helping someone. To help someone is to attend to them in some way which will make their life easier. But you need to factor in the willingness of the person to be helped in this situation. If you attempt to extent help to a person who does not wish to be helped, or helped in that way, in many situations, you are not helping. You are making their lives more difficult. Her priority at this moment was not to get her glasses fixed. It was to either finish her assignment or go to bed, and you failed to recognize this because you were likely fixated on the prospect of seeing her, and/or helping her fix her glasses.
In other words, you were looking at the exchange from an egocentric standpoint and were fixated on how it affected you. I'm not trying to imply that you were intentionally inconsiderate. You were not, but you were inconsiderate in that you did fail to consider her perspective in the matter, and now you are lamenting about how it didn't work out for you.
The good news is, this event will likely not stand out to her as anything to dwell on, and you shouldn't dwell on it either. She couldn't meet up with you, it's not a big deal. Let it go.
I'd be inclined to believe you if it weren't for the fact that she ACTUALLY broke her glasses. One of the reasons my relationship with this girl has worked out thus far, given my lack of understanding relationships despite having more experience with them than she does, is that she is a very honest person. If I do something she doesn't like, she will let me know straight up, and she doesn't care whether or not it hurts my feelings because it needs to be said and if I don't like it that's my deal. Ordinarily this would be a good way to murder a potential relationship, but for us it works because I don't HAVE to read her, she will read herself for me. It's like reading the Cliff Notes for a Shakespeare play as opposed to reading the script itself.
Any other person would have been offended by her penchant for brutal honesty and left her by now. Then again, I'm not like other people. She does care about my feelings, but she doesn't let that sugar-coat her words if she has a problem with me, which in my mind makes me think she truly cares about me after all, because she's willing to be honest with me.
That said, she's had issues before with the way I've handled my temper. Ironically, I've never really blown up or gotten upset at her, it's when I flip off the handle at others when she's around. But I think just being with her is actually helpful for anger management. She is a hard-working but easygoing person. If something upsets her, she will be upset and then about 5 minutes later she will be fine. It's not that she's forgotten about what upset her, it's just that she's chosen not to let it get to her. It's like this morning, when she called she was really cheery, I asked her and she said she was still frustrated about her glasses, but between laughing and crying about it she would rather laugh since it's good for you anyway.
This philosophy of hers is what I probably love about her the most, because it's the exact opposite of how I act, and to be honest when I see her and how easily she lets stuff go, it makes me feel guilty about making things into bigger problems than they are. I want to try and adapt her philosophy into mine, and so far it's working little by little. I think my parents have noticed this, because of the three girlfriends I've had thus far they've approved of her the most. I like to think they're secretly hoping we get married in about 5 years or so.
Basically, yeah there's some failure to communicate, but we can both be honest with each other. That, plus the change in my general outlook on life, which I swear to Goddess is due to her influence, makes me think that she is "the one" (though I've never really understood the origin of that term. The One? Seriously? Every time I hear that even in a relationship context, I imagine the subject as wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses and fighting a bunch of guys in suits a la The Matrix). This is why I'm determined for this relationship to work out, and I'm willing to do anything to make it happen.
22 Apr 2012, 6:32 pm
