About a girl I felt in love with

Post Reply New Topic

This post is about my love for a girl, I divided it in sections with titles in order to make it more easy to read.

STORY
A couple of years ago I met a girl at a party and I got a huge crush for her, I believe the biggest in my life.
I didn’t know her before that, I self introduced my self to her and I spent most of time talking with her.
I remember the way we greeted at each other at the end of the party, I was kind of tipsy but my eyes must have been burning with desire, she noticed that and she looked excited ( I don’t mean in a sexual way).
She was at that party with her boyfriend. After that day I could not stop to think to her every day.
I met her a month later at another party, I remember as soon as I entered the hall she spotted me and looked at me. When I got close to her without looking at her she greeted me and started to speak . After a short while her boyfriend came close to us and with a kind of jealous look, told her he wanted to go home, she insisted to stay half an hour more, then we spent half an hour talking.
I saw her in few more occasions after, once at a party which I organized just to see her ( I invited more than 40 people, keeping the purpose of the party hidden to everybody, included her) .
We were both expats in a foreign country so a way to see her was to meet her at this kind of events.
I even learnt the basis of her native language in few weeks, in order to ask her to help me with the speaking part (as an excuse to see her more frequently).
We met for this purpose but it was kind of a date, unfortunately my autistic side was more evident and probably she didn’t like it.
By then she was about to move to another city and because of that and the disappointment by her in that occasion, we never saw each other again.
This was more than one year ago.
I never openly told her I like her ( despite I am sure she kind of understood it ) and especially at the beginning I never tried to get in touch much with her because I have always been a looser in the dating arena.
I am a socially awkward, autistic like, social fobic creep. I am kind of good looking but the interest of the other sex toward me rarely goes beyond that.
I am a looser dating single girls, so I was terrified in dating a girl with a boyfriend ( I could not even imagine she could accept to see me for a date).
Despite my poor social life I actually had some few girlfriends but except for one ( who was a bit asperger and was easier to deal with), they were girls who came to me rather than me going to her. So basically I have no idea how to seduce a woman/ to flirt.
I was too much afraid of spoiling everything and scare her away. I wanted to play safe the little chances I (believed I ) had.




MY EMOTION
I had such strong emotion for this girl, despite seeing her and talking to her in just few occasions.
She looks a beautiful girl, but what really stroked me about her was her attitude and her personality.
I am total unable to bear any bitchiness in women. This rule out a lot of girls. And this girl was the total opposite of a b***h.
I adore her dressing, her hairstyle, she remembered me a painting by Gustav Klimt.
There are more many things I could say about her, but they are not relevant here.

AFTERMATH
Despite it is such a long while I don’t see her, I still think to her, I dream her sometimes. I feel I can not move on in my life. I am stocked with her.
Maybe what I regret more it is not being able to become her boyfriend, but rather to have the chance to know her better, in more different situations.
I wonder why I have such strong emotions for her. Being in love is like believing in a religion, you think there is something supernatural and ultimate out there.
The point is I am atheist (about religion) and about the love for this girl, I think there is a fault somewhere but I can not see where and I want find it, because I need to move on in my life.
We live one hour by car away from each other, not a big distance also for Europe.
I still think some times to write her an email and invite her to drink a coffee, but I am too much afraid she would reject this, and she would treat me like a stalker, especially after the last meeting.

I feel ashamed of writing to her, like if it is a guilt, I feel she lives in a different world from mine.
She is an attractive girl, with a boyfriend she lives with, with a lot friends (more than 200 connections on facebook) while I don’t even have a facebook account , which I actually don’t mind, but this tells we are quite a lot of different from each other, and there would be too much social pressure for a girl like her to get close to a guy like me.

Besides I am still struggling with my mood, my self esteem, anxiety. I would even been scared to meet her, because the only time she met me sober it didn’t go very well.

On another side I thought it was something precious to have a such a strong feeling for a girl, but got some doubts when I read on the news about a guy who stalked a college mate for 10 years and I thought well maybe it is just an obsession.
But I truly never stalked her, and never even thought about it.
I would like just to have the chance to get to know her better.
It gets me very little to get disappointed by people, I am a kind of misanthrope, but she never made something I dislike, only things that charmed me.
I feel like my life has no meaning without her, I feel like a plant which they cut all the leaves and I always try to think to new ways to get in touch with her, but I never find any good one.
Maybe I just built a soup of fantasies, but I am clueless about what I should do. I also don't know what anybody can say about what I wrote, if it makes any sense.

This is so sweet and it makes me so sad that you guys have to keep this stuff bottled up inside you.

The problem I see is that if she has a boyfriend she is living with she may even be uncomfortable going on a coffee date with a guy.

If you have any questions and need any coaching from a very NT woman, just ask or PM me. I will help any one of you out!

There was a girl I liked very much, I guess love would be the right word, not that I know enough about my own emotions. I spent the whole day with her fixing her car once, and she took me out to eat after. I gotta say, it was probably the best day of my life. I really liked her and wanted to ask her out, but I'm awkward and ridiculous about that sort of thing. But the main reason I justified not asking her out or anything like that was I was going through very bad circumstances in my life and didn't wanna drag her down with me.

Long story short, she got married. We were friends, but I hid all my feelings from her, and never told her how I felt. Finally, when she asked if I was going to the wedding, the jig was up, and I told her no and told her how I felt, though late.

Oh well, life will go on I guess. I'm kinda screwed up by it, though, I guess. I felt what I did was logical, as I couldn't have provided for her nearly as well as her boyfriend, but my feelings said the opposite, that what I did was the worst sin imaginable. But, again, life does go on. Oh well. I still do think about her, though. Most guys, once women reject them/etc, end up with a thought process of "oh well, she was just a b***h anyway." But, with this girl, it's impossible for me to do that.

I have had some situations like this b4. It is just a part of life and growing up. No one ever said it was gona be easy but all you can do is try to move foreward.