I don't want to be his "mom"

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of months now and it has been the happiest relationship either one of us has ever had. We understand each other on so many levels and have endured much of the same experiences socially and emotionally. I do not believe I have aspergers, though some of my behaviors and "symptoms" do coincide with the disorder.

I have been trying to help him get his life together a bit since he has been very downtrodden in the past and I know his potential surpasses anything he has done up to this point in his life, and he appreciated my help and encouragement. I try to respect his emotions and behaviors and understand that these can be partly caused by his apsergers. However, lately his behavior has become more extreme and "obnoxious", I realize that oftentimes this is due to an increase in stress in his life, or if he is having a bad day or experience, but I do not know how to deal with the situation or his behavior when this occurs.

I try to cheer him up or ask him to refrain from behaving childish and rambunctious, but often he simply continues the behavior and mouths off to me and others. It has become somewhat of an embarrassment and he does not desist until I advise him that I will leave or remove myself from the situation unless he stops. Then all of the sudden he can muster up enough self control to stop his ranting or loud, obnoxious behavior, which indicates to me that if he wanted to he could control it before it needs to get to that point of me having to "threaten" him with consequences.

Oftentimes he say inappropriate things (very loudly I might add) in "professional" settings such as doctors offices and the like, or he will interrupt other people who are trying to have a conversation. I know he is not trying to be rude, he thinks it's humorous, but oftentimes it isn't. I can deal with a fair amount of this sort of behavior but he does not seem to be able to or care to distinguish between the fine lines that denote socially acceptable behaviors in certain situations. In many situations he behaves very mature and appropriate, but then he will revert back to this loud, whiny persona which reminds me of a child. This places me in the role of the adult which is not a problem per se, but as the title pretty much explains, I do not want to have to behave like his mother, yet I do not wish to accept his behavior at all times either.

So tell me, is this something you think he can control and just chooses not to? Is this common behavior for aspies? Are there any methods that would help me in working with him on these "issues"? Anything that could help me will be greatly appreciated!! Thank you for your time!

I can definitely see your point, I may not be expressing myself in the best possible way. I tend to just laugh off his behavior initially and then as it progresses I tend into the direction of correcting him in the aforementioned manner. I guess I just haven't been exposed to this behavior before in adults and in my profession I deal with children so I suppose I may lean towards that sort of "admonishment" lol.

Its just difficult for me to understand how he is so smart and advanced in so many things, and generally he even does well in social situations which makes me forget about his AS. Also my behavior of correcting him is probably part of a reaction I have to him correcting me frequently (which is a different issue since it pertains more to the English language (my second language) and academic knowledge).

I have talked to him about this and he has altered his behavior slightly which is great, but he seems to thrive off getting attention when he makes odd comments and such and I really don't know where the line between AS behavior, his personality, and his reflexive/defensive behaviors to uncomfortable situations is.

His behavior is never to the point where it would get us into any serious trouble, it presents a nuisance to some people and disrupts situations sometimes, but never in any way which would be really "wrong" per se. I know I have a valid concern, but I'm not sure if I'm slightly overreacting because this is a new situation to me, I may just get used to it over time, but that may just be rationalization on my part.

Also, the part about me not knowing from which aspect of his persona this behavior is stemming from makes me reluctant to address it too much because if this is just his personality and not AS or reflexive/defensive behavior then I don't want to hurt his feelings by like attacking or criticizing his character or who he is.

The misplaced humour in professional settings issue is very familiar to me. Yesterday, I got my dentist laughing while she was measuring my teeth with sharp tools. Although the laughing was on her part, it wasn't the best choice I ever made, as she accidentally poked that sharp measuring tool into a very painful place where a wisdom tooth was starting to protrude.
What works rather well for me, though, when a certain behaviour is not natural to me, is to be told a very specific rule to be used in general situations.

"If [condition A], then do not [action B]."
"If you're at a doctor's office, don't make jokes."

"If [condition C], then [action D]."
"If someone says hello, say hello back."

That's basically how they taught me to not use the word 'hate' every few lines. The rule a primary school teacher taught me was to replace 'hate' wherever I wanted to use it by 'dislike'.
If he's responsive, and the rules are broad enough, it's one discussion for life. That same teacher taught me to use the more formal and posh-looking word 'ongelooflijk' in my native language instead of the more informal and widely-used 'ongelofelijk', both being the same word meaning 'incredible', which means my writing in Dutch always looks more professional than it is.