I don't feel like this is a relationship anymore.

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So other then a 2 year long distance relationship that ended in December 2011 thanks to the girl getting pregnant with someone elses twins, I've pretty much had no relationships at all. I've tried various dating sites and what not. Went on a couple dates that usually just resulted in it being the last time I ever saw some of the girls in person again because sadly most people see an autistic person as a "project" that they have to learn and its easier just to move onto someone better.

Last month I started talking to this girl on datehookup.com. Shes 20 and has a kid. Not my first choice when it comes to dating, not saying it makes you undatable or anything if you have a kid, but I don't have any experience in raising them, and honestly not even thinking about if I want any or not till I can even have a stable relationship with anyone first. But as I've brought up in other dating threads, once you get to my age its pretty hard to find people out there that don't already have kids, so I said I'll atleast give it a try with her. Eventually this turned into texting eachother till 4 or 5 in the morning for a few weeks straight so we finally hung out for a day and saw a movie and ate and all that. I told her I'd think about letting her come to my house next time, which was a pretty big step for me as I had not had a female friend over since 2007. Unknown to me she added my mom on facebook and started talking and even mentioned about coming over and stuff. I really didn't like her doing that because I didn't want my family to get attached to a girl or vice versa if I didn't even know I'd be having much to do with her after awhile with my luck. She came to my house twice that week and one time the week after. We decided to start dating. Everything should be all fine and dandy right? Nope....

Due to our work schedules, thurs are the only day we can see eachother. This thurs will be 3 days short from a month since I've seen her last. The week after I saw her last she was planning on coming over. She ended up not being able to for reasons I don't know. The week after was the same story. In the mean time the amount of texts I get from her have gone down to the point to where I'm lucky if I get more then 2 texts a day from her if even that. I asked her if I was texting her too much or something. She says shes not bothered by it and likes seeing all the texts I leave her when shes not able to answer back while shes working. Thats fine and all, except she seems to have plenty of time to be online on facebook and datehookup, but no time to send me a text back. In fact Its been 2 days and I have not got a text from her but the same is still true about seeing her online. Last week she told me maybe she could come over. The night before we had kinda got into a minor little argument and I thought I made her upset. The next day she doesn't respond to any texts but I still see her online. I get a message on datehookup from her at 3 in the morning saying she was out of town and she tried to text me but her phone wouldn't send out texts for whatever reason. Normally I wouldn't think too much of this, except for the fact that she has android phone with 3G/4G/whatever G that is capable of going online. If the texts didn't work why didn't she try to reach me through facebook or datehookup? It woulda been the first thing I did and I know she was online on both of them throughout the day on her phone. She also told me she probably couldn't hang out with me. I responded with telling her that I was starting to feel really unimportant and insecure with this "relationship" of our's". Her response was that I always make things bigger then what they're made out to be and that I am important, but family comes first. Ok....thats fine, but when its getting to the point to where we've gone a whole month without seeing eachother when we only live 30 mins away....I don't feel thats right.

Its thursday in 2 days and honestly I'm not getting hyped up about seeing her at all because I have this gut feeling that she'll probably be too busy to see me....again.

Sounds like she's lost interest....when a girl makes excuses like she is to you, then it's a sign that she's not that interested in you.

Especially turning it onto you when you have the right to ask about her not coming over.

My advice would be to forget about her, since she's kind of upset you with getting to know your mother on Facebook without your permission anyway (not that it's a big deal, but she could have said that).

Plus she could have text you on Facebook or the Dating Site....why is she even on the Dating Site if she is so interested in you?

Here's a tip I have been told by a friend who used to date many woman. Healthy Relationships are those where you meet your girlfriend at least 3 of the 7 days a week....twice in the space of a month is very poor on her part.

I've thought similar things as well. If I don't see her this week I'm going to be giving some SERIOUS thought about this so called "relationship" the way I see it, I don't really have much to loose as sad as that might sound....

I've gone practically my whole life without a girl friend and I'm so used to being alone that it almost feels more "normal" to be single till the day I die then being in a relationship with someone and getting married and all that.

And I guess the reason shes online on datehookup is probably out of old habit when we messaged eachother on there a lot. Even when we started "going out" we're still messaging eachother on it instead of facebook. But at this point I don't know honestly. I probably shouldn't care.

I don't know really dude, but to me she sounds like it was all for fun rather then something serious.

I would let her know by the end of the week whether you should end it with her....from personal experience, the girls HATE being dumped and actually try harder to save it...but it doesn't last very long.

I got dumped once and was gutted (cried even), but I got over it and she took me back (dunno why, she was obsessed with me...I think her manipulative friend told her to do so), but when she did it again, I actually didn't care....and she got jealous.

So just a little update a few days after I posted last I sent her a message telling her how it didn't feel like a relationship anymore. The next morning I got FOUR texts from her, more then I had gotten in awhile. She told me she was sorry for not making time for me and how she should probably do better at it. Well days and weeks went by and to put it blandly things didn't really get much better. In the mean time theres all these red flags that I didn't like. For instance I asked her if they do anything for the 4th of July in her city where she lives because in mine they launch fireworks from the park and you can see them really well in my neighborhood from my deck. Her response was "I'll be spending time with Eldon (her kid) and Daryl (her baby daddy) on all major holidays." Ok I can see if she wants to be with her kid, but when you basically tell someone that your gonna be with your ex instead of your supposed boy friend on days like that it doesn't bode well with me. On top of that I also learned her baby daddy is amongst the room mates she lives with. Now in her defense she did say something to me once about how she was looking through appt apps so maybe she was intending to move out and away from him, but still......<_<

So last week things weren't much better. Very little texts, but I'd see her on facebook 3-4 times a day. Now just so nobody gets the wrong idea, I was never like stalking her on facebook or anything. I'd be instant messaging someone from work on there and see her thing pop up online, or she'd even go as far as posting pictures or status messages multiple times which is what would make me raise an eyebrow. After asking her about coming over last week, she told me it'd probably be another 2 weeks atleast before we could hang because she'd be "too busy".

At that point I told her I was done and couldn't do this anymore. I said I'd still be her friend and all but I didn't really see the point of being in a "relationship" anymore when it'd be 2 months to the day since I saw her last, IF it happend. To be honest with you I have no faith that I woulda saw her after that. She sends me a message on facebook the next morning after I changed my status to single on there.

"I really don't get why you of all people would break up with a girl. Especially one that hasn't done anything wrong. Wouldn't you rather me able to say "you have a gf and no you don't get to see her as often as you would like but you do have someone that cares for you"

I guess that's just not you. I guess you would rather dump the girl cuz you don't get to see her often and go back to complaining about never gonna be able to find one."

The way I saw it, I didn't have a gf anymore after not seeing her in a month <_< After that apparently I'm now the worst person in the world <_< She sent me a text telling me how that was a "selfish and b.s." reason to dump her because I was hurt after not being able to see her in 2 months and not considering her feelings" Ok so my feelings aren't important then? If she really liked me as much as she claimed she did I don't see how SHE couldn't be getting hurt from all of this! Then she tells me I'm the first guy thats ever dumped her before and I made her feel like dirt and she'll never forgive me. She also gave me some advice. "If a girl is nice to you and willing to go out with you, don't dump her!" Well she was willing to go out with me, on her own schedule.....whenever that was 6 months from now <_< She must not be that crushed though by it because not even 2 days later shes already with someone else......while still living with her baby daddy. I feel sorry for the guy shes with right now. He'll probably see her 2 or 3 times like I did and then never see her again. The sad thing is I don't really even feel all that sad or crushed after dumping her because the way I saw it I never really had a gf again after I saw her last almost 2 months ago now <_<

you did the right thing. your instincts were spot-on and you didn't deserve that.

(((((hugs)))))

You were right.

Sorry to hear you're going through that.

What a confusing scenario You made a good call! Sorry to hear that all happened

You the Man, SectorStar. You da MAN!

Good call, her snarky response really highlights that you did the right thing to remove yourself from this horrendous situation.