Top 10 reasons why you might be having trouble hooking up

Post Reply New Topic

1) You don't love yourself. In fact, you probably engage in a lot of self-loathing.

2) You are attached to outcomes.

3) You see failure as an absolute indication that you're just not cut out for dating/relationships instead of seeing it as a necessary learning experience to help you get better.

4) Your mother and your therapist are more in control of your life than you are.

5) You won't let go of your past.

6) You spend all your time and energy developing arguments and writing whole dissertations (complimented with graphs and statistics) as to why you're such a failure and you will never amount to nothing instead of actually using the resources provided to you to help you improve the areas you need to work on.

7) You aren't willing to try new things.

You aren't willing to take risks and you're afraid of getting rejected.

9) You compare yourself to others who are more successful than you instead of being happy with what you have.

10) You make excuses for yourself to get out of taking action (i.e. too shy, not rich enough, not goot-looking enough).

11. You don't recognize "Do you know anything fun to do around here?" meaning "I wanna bone you hard."

The scary thing is that I can identify with all 11 of those in some way or another. I do still try on occasion though. I just never succeed in actually getting a date.

You don't take control and you don't construct opportunities for yourself.

You need to make sure you are likely to meet likeminded men/woman, as often as possible for you, therefore increasing the stats of it working out (whilst not obsessing). (interests, clubs, volunteering, asking others for help)

12. You're so different from NTs, that what they consider "normal" you consider alien, and vice versa.

I feel like for me, that might be my only ticket to...anything. Just being blatantly oblivious to the people around me. There comes a point when if you're really weird, nobody will say anything to you and you can walk around with impunity and only people gossiping about you after you leave. I've come to the conclusion it's like trolling people without you actually having to try, you just gotta wake up in the morning and go about your daily routine.

If that's true for you, congrats. I've yet to find this to be true for me, and I've got 8 years on you.

Or:

- You can be unemployed of having a sh***y job.

- You're not cute, handsome or hot.

- You don't like playing games with people's emotions (and hooking up has a lot of a this).

- You're having hard times.

- Etc.

I'm really sick of all these pseudo-psychology that reduces evertything to 'lack of self-steem', 'lack of possitive thinking' 'lack of self-confidence' 'you're scared of changes' and so.

Sometimes life is s**t. And unfair. And no matter you do your best you just don't have any reward. And the only thing you can do is keep fighting. Because that's all about it, there's no karma neither happy endings. Nobody said it should be fair.

It's not about claiming about life being hard and unfair. Because no matter how unfair life is with you, there's thousands of people who have it much harder (think in Africa, or in asian factories, for example). So think that if you're not in the 1% luckier in this planet, at least you're in the 10% luckier. So after all, it could have been much worse.

But I'm really sick of this kind of 'it's my fault, mea culpa, I'm not good enough, sorry sorry sorry for being me'

If this is wrong, what is the correct way then?

Outcomes drive anxiety much higher than it should be. There's a girl you want to talk to, yet you won't because you're so bent on what could possibly go wrong (i.e. she'll say she has a boyfriend, she'll act rude, she won't be interested). When you detach yourself from outcomes, then whatever happens in any situation doesn't matter. Besides, you only gain; if you get rejected, then you just go back to where you were before you met her and you'll find someone more interesting and attractive.

Great, so how do you fix it? I know i'm guilty of some of those and luckily didn't you need to point out to me that they are bad. That however doesn't mean i know how to change things. "let the past be past" is easy to say, but it seems like one of those things people either can or can't. Noone can explain what steps to take to make that happen.

1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 11 and 12 apply to me. But I am working on getting over them. Unfortunately, I am now getting my hopes up, even though the chances for failure are very high (around 99%, I think).

Wow. Almost all of these apply to me. But I guess I learned to not listen to the negativity and just go ahead and do it. Even if I'm not rich enough, handsome enough, outgoing, I still try to make it happen.

Most of the things on this list are good reasons why people have trouble finding happiness in life in general, not just relationships.

13. You're married or otherwise "Hooked Up" already.

Or,

You can't read the person in order to tell if they're interested in you until it's too late,

Or,
if you succeed in figuring out they like you, you can't take it any further because social situations confound you

or,
they think you don't like them back because you have a very hard time expressing emotion

or,
they don't want to date you because you're autistic

or,
you just don't care because your idea of having a good time is absolutely boring (who wants to go to movies all the freakin' time? I want to think and research).

or,
people think intelligence is what agrees with them, and they want to date someone intelligent, so they don't date anyone.

I could go on.