The hardest day of my life...

Post Reply New Topic

So as some of you know my girlfriend of two years broke up with me last week... At first I was going crazy and desperate for her back but then after a few days I calmed downish and just tried to take things one step at a time because she hates me and doesn't want me back... Today she texted my dad to go buy her place and pick up my stuff and I've been doing pretty well the past few days... Depressed as usual but I haven't cried and have been able to laugh and such at shows and things... But then my dad brings 3 big boxes into my room and I immediately start going through them and just started breaking into tears at all my memories... It was like all of the pain of the first night of the breakup but intensified 10 fold... All of our pictures, all of the valentines day, birthday, and Christmas gifts she had given me, all kinds of stories and letters we had written each other... I've been crying every since... I don't know why I can't stop loving her... I mean she left me for another man and has been very cruel and cold since the breakup but I just... She was my everything... And now surrounded by memories I just don't know what to do...

EDIT: WHAT THE f**k!? Two of things I asked her to give me back was the engagement ring I bought her (we were engaged for a while but postponed the wedding to try and get our lives in order after some financial issues) and a pillow pet that has a lot of emotional value to us both as it was something she really wanted and I spent Christmas Eve last year going out 30 miles and checking countless stores trying to get it for her... I asked why I didn't get them back and she responded "They aren't yours. Now quit talking to me" but if she wants nothing to do with the relationship anymore, and wants to pretend it and i never existed and that I was a huge mistake than why is she keeping the two things I gave her that meant the most to her... How the f**k does that make any damn sense...

And I know she doesn't plan on selling the ring because we found out later that it was a counterfeit and I was scammed, but she didn't care because it was an act of love... I mean what the f**k...? She knows that I still love her and want to be in this relationship and she claims to not want to even remember it happened yet she keeps the two things that meant the most to her and me...?

Get rid of the evidence as soon as you can.
It really does help in the whole letting go & moving on.

Burn the letters and anything paper and dispose of everything else. Don't keep that stuff- it's going to break your heart each time you look at it.

Wish I knew what to say.

Honestly, I dream and pray something like this will happen to me. Never had a girlfriend, or held hands with anyone. I'd LOVE to have a failed relationship like yours, because I'd come away at least knowing I was capable of starting a relationship. As is, I don't know if I'll ever find someone who'll accept me, or if I'm damaged goods.

You can be proud you made it so far. You're better than me.

Hey man, the same things happened to me after my divorce when I moved into my apartment. Unpacking all my stuff just released a flood of memories and dischord....and I was the one who filed the divorce. It's just one of those experiences that can't be avoided, you just have to wait it out and float through it. Loosing someone close leaves a bunch of empty spaces. They will close of their own and the emotional 'charge' of the memories will dissipate after awhile.

Hi Xenu,

I wish I could offer more than just my sympathy.

All I can say is: you will have to mourn this like you might a death, because, in essence, it is--the death of a relationship. There is no easy way to get over it...like Maerlyn138 said, you will just have to ride it out and get through it.

I'm sorry you are hurting. Feel free to post and vent if that helps. Take care.

WHAT THE f**k!? Two of things I asked her to give me back was the engagement ring I bought her (we were engaged for a while but postponed the wedding to try and get our lives in order after some financial issues) and a pillow pet that has a lot of emotional value to us both as it was something she really wanted and I spent Christmas Eve last year going out 30 miles and checking countless stores trying to get it for her... I asked why I didn't get them back and she responded "They aren't yours. Now quit talking to me" but if she wants nothing to do with the relationship anymore, and wants to pretend it and i never existed and that I was a huge mistake than why is she keeping the two things I gave her that meant the most to her... How the f**k does that make any damn sense...

And I know she doesn't plan on selling the ring because we found out later that it was a counterfeit and I was scammed, but she didn't care because it was an act of love... I mean what the f**k...? She knows that I still love her and want to be in this relationship and she claims to not want to even remember it happened yet she keeps the two things that meant the most to her and me...?

So she's not really letting go, and she doesn't want to admit that even to herself.

Or, she's a female conquistador, and she's keeping tokens as trophies.

But if you loved her so, she must have had good qualities, a trustworthiness, so hopefully it's the first option..

If that's the case, then you can at least know that underneath everything that's happening, you really do mean alot to her, she really did/does value you. That's heartening.
But you still have to let her go, for now anyway, as she's made her choice, for whatever reasons..and clearly needs space from you to calm down, to let the dust settle following this whole arguing & breaking up mess.

She's hurting you, but not necessarily wanting to, so, I wouldn't assume spite.
It just feels the same from your end (painful), making it easy for you to think that way.

Claiming not to be in love with you is motivated by not wanting to be in love with you -- and wishing to control her emotional response to you, as she has made the decision to leave.
So, underneath, yes, it's there, because you cannot simply cut off love. But her choice is to move away from it. It will take her alot of time and pushing you away to succeed in that.

In terms of any possible future for you both, it is indeed a risk that she may become overwhelmed again, but having this experience will arm you both, to be prepared for such an eventuality, and to evolve toward a different outcome.
That is something you would have to discuss together, openly, with strategies put in place, before making the decision to try again.

However, right now, my view is that it really is the best thing for you to understand this situation as much as you can..your mistakes, as well as hers,..just learn from it, and move on -- as you are doing.

deleted

Okay reading over my last post again I really don't mean what I said... I'm just so hurt and angry at her for this... I love her so much, and it's clear she still cares about me so why is she doing this... My therapist/psychologist told me she's probably doing all this because because she isn't capable of saying goodbye to the relationship easily but like... If she still cares about me then why would she being like this to me... I know she's hurting but I can't understand why she's treating me like this... I'm going to try and move on but I love her so damn much and she's being so unlike herself...