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cozysweater
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10 May 2012, 10:36 pm

I'm wondering if anyone else has run into a similar situation?: I have a bit of a crush on someone who is older, more educationally advanced, and generally much more mature than I am. It started out as a hero-crush kind of situation. Seriously, he's kind of amazing, so that's not a starry-eyed overstatement. My question is basically if anyone else has found themselves in a "crush" situation with someone who is for serious out of their league and how do you put the kybosh on that nonsense before it becomes embarrassing?



DogsWithoutHorses
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10 May 2012, 10:52 pm

Yes! The worst ever was a teacher.


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10 May 2012, 11:02 pm

No such thing as too good for you. Leagues don't exist cause everyone has a different idea of what is good. Just my strong opinion.



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10 May 2012, 11:57 pm

Don't let anyone tell you what you deserve and don't deserve, don't ever let anyone tell you that something is out of your league or reach because if you believe it is, it will be.



cozysweater
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11 May 2012, 12:24 am

Thank you for the support :) As a bit of an addendum though: I don't mean that I'm not good enough for this person to love, I just mean that any kind of relationship out in the world would be fairly awkward and that would probably negatively impact any relationship we could have. I'm the opposite of sophisticated and he's old enough to be my father (and I think his kids are fairly near my age, so maybe that's creepy). This is more about real-world considerations than self-esteem issues, plus he works in my department, although nowhere near my unit. It's already slightly impacting my effectiveness at work. Today, he didn't seem able to look at me and I don't know if that's because I've done something "telling" or what, but I inadvertently make enough people uncomfortable that I'm sensitive to this issue. So, yeah, I want to commiserate but I also want to know how to kill the crush.



hyperlexian
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11 May 2012, 1:02 am

cozysweater wrote:
I'm wondering if anyone else has run into a similar situation?: I have a bit of a crush on someone who is older, more educationally advanced, and generally much more mature than I am. It started out as a hero-crush kind of situation. Seriously, he's kind of amazing, so that's not a starry-eyed overstatement. My question is basically if anyone else has found themselves in a "crush" situation with someone who is for serious out of their league and how do you put the kybosh on that nonsense before it becomes embarrassing?

is he still married? if not then why not go for it?


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edgewaters
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11 May 2012, 1:07 am

I can see you evolving solutions during the course of this thread ... by yourself ... you've moved away from your initial talk about how awesome the guy is and phrasing it as "out of my league" to rephrasing as practical considerations but not too good for you. You're moving in the right direction, I think. It makes sense to me that less focus on the awe (which is driving the problem) and more focus on the practical considerations and realism (which is the solution) is exactly right. That was a rapid shift in thinking, by the way.

But as some have mentioned do evaluate your practical considerations and be sure they're not just defeatism or failure of imagination. If they're not, then carry on, that's my 2 cents.



mds_02
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11 May 2012, 1:11 am

hyperlexian wrote:
cozysweater wrote:
I'm wondering if anyone else has run into a similar situation?: I have a bit of a crush on someone who is older, more educationally advanced, and generally much more mature than I am. It started out as a hero-crush kind of situation. Seriously, he's kind of amazing, so that's not a starry-eyed overstatement. My question is basically if anyone else has found themselves in a "crush" situation with someone who is for serious out of their league and how do you put the kybosh on that nonsense before it becomes embarrassing?

is he still married? if not then why not go for it?


Seriously. Every person I've ever been with, I started out thinking of them as being out of my league. I mean, maybe the "just go for it" advice really won't work for you. But it sure as hell has worked for me.

Don't sit there coming up with reasons why things won't work.

I dunno. Just don't really like agreeing with someone about giving up on something they really want.


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Last edited by mds_02 on 11 May 2012, 1:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

cozysweater
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11 May 2012, 1:12 am

hyperlexian wrote:
cozysweater wrote:
I'm wondering if anyone else has run into a similar situation?: I have a bit of a crush on someone who is older, more educationally advanced, and generally much more mature than I am. It started out as a hero-crush kind of situation. Seriously, he's kind of amazing, so that's not a starry-eyed overstatement. My question is basically if anyone else has found themselves in a "crush" situation with someone who is for serious out of their league and how do you put the kybosh on that nonsense before it becomes embarrassing?

is he still married? if not then why not go for it?


He doesn't wear a ring and I've heard nothing about a wife. I work with him often enough that it could be bad if it's a fail. I'm full of excuses.



hyperlexian
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11 May 2012, 1:13 am

mds_02 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
cozysweater wrote:
I'm wondering if anyone else has run into a similar situation?: I have a bit of a crush on someone who is older, more educationally advanced, and generally much more mature than I am. It started out as a hero-crush kind of situation. Seriously, he's kind of amazing, so that's not a starry-eyed overstatement. My question is basically if anyone else has found themselves in a "crush" situation with someone who is for serious out of their league and how do you put the kybosh on that nonsense before it becomes embarrassing?

is he still married? if not then why not go for it?


Seriously. Every person I've ever been with, I started out thing of them as being out of my league. I mean, maybe the "just go for it" advice really won't work for you. But it sure as hell has worked for me.

Don't sit there coming up with reasons why things won't work.

I dunno. Just don't really like agreeing with someone about giving up on something they really want.

i know, it breaks my heart too. i tend to feel like there are some risks in life that are really worth taking.


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mds_02
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11 May 2012, 1:17 am

hyperlexian wrote:
i know, it breaks my heart too. i tend to feel like there are some risks in life that are really worth taking.


Absolutely. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. All I know is the world crushes enough of our dreams without us doing it to ourselves.


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If life's not beautiful without the pain, 
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again. 
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer. 
And it feels pretty soft to me. 

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hyperlexian
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11 May 2012, 1:17 am

cozysweater wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
cozysweater wrote:
I'm wondering if anyone else has run into a similar situation?: I have a bit of a crush on someone who is older, more educationally advanced, and generally much more mature than I am. It started out as a hero-crush kind of situation. Seriously, he's kind of amazing, so that's not a starry-eyed overstatement. My question is basically if anyone else has found themselves in a "crush" situation with someone who is for serious out of their league and how do you put the kybosh on that nonsense before it becomes embarrassing?

is he still married? if not then why not go for it?


He doesn't wear a ring and I've heard nothing about a wife. I work with him often enough that it could be bad if it's a fail. I'm full of excuses.

yeah, for a year i had to work 5 feet away from a man that rejected me. but i refused to let it get weird. it's possible, but hard.


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