Question about what is socially acceptable

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Xenu
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14 May 2012, 12:23 am

How long after a breakup is it considered socially acceptable to get into a new relationship? As some of you probably know me and my girlfriend of two years broke up a month ago... And I'm able to accept the fact now that she's not coming back and is a completely different person then she used to be so it probably isn't worth wanting her back that much anyways... s**t still hurts but I'm doing a lot better emotionally. Anyways though I'm really lonely and I actually have a lot of options for relationships opening up but I was wondering if it is socially acceptable for me to do that right now? I mean I don't really plan on getting into a serious relationship or anything but you never know with that kind of thing, and I only go out with people that I feel compatible with so it isn't a one sided thing... Anyways though would it be considered socially unacceptable given the fact that I just got out of a very serious 2 year relationship only a month ago...? I'm just really lonely and kind of want to be with somebody...



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14 May 2012, 12:28 am

Well it really depends, if you still care about her, why not just date this other girl without telling the entire world, unless you live in a small community where you are going to bump into each other? Are you all in the same social circle? It depends on the situation.

To be honest, if she was the one that walked away from you, you should definitely get with this other girl. Why spend your life worrying about being someone's loss when you can be someone else's gain?



Seventh
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14 May 2012, 12:29 am

I don't think it's so much an issue of social acceptability, as an issue of whether you have emotionally healed sufficiently from the pain of ending your last relationship. I think it's a matter of self-awareness and self-knowledge. If you're still grieving your last relationship there's probably only so much of yourself you're able to give to another person. There's no social rule of minimum time, but it'd be nice to be honest with the next person you date, that it hasn't been long since your last relationship and you might still be getting over her. Then let them decide if they still want to date you.



Xenu
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14 May 2012, 12:45 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Well it really depends, if you still care about her, why not just date this other girl without telling the entire world, unless you live in a small community where you are going to bump into each other? Are you all in the same social circle? It depends on the situation.

To be honest, if she was the one that walked away from you, you should definitely get with this other girl. Why spend your life worrying about being someone's loss when you can be someone else's gain?


Well me and my ex are in the same social circle but from what I understand she's removing herself out of that social circle entirely in an immature act to distance herself from me... But that really isn't the point I've just heard it's not right for somebody to get into a relationship right after one ended but idk.

Seventh wrote:
I don't think it's so much an issue of social acceptability, as an issue of whether you have emotionally healed sufficiently from the pain of ending your last relationship. I think it's a matter of self-awareness and self-knowledge. If you're still grieving your last relationship there's probably only so much of yourself you're able to give to another person. There's no social rule of minimum time, but it'd be nice to be honest with the next person you date, that it hasn't been long since your last relationship and you might still be getting over her. Then let them decide if they still want to date you.


And I'm still grieving a bit but if she's not coming back then I have to move on eventually right? I guess if there isn't a big social stigma against like I thought there was I'll try and get a new girlfriend then.



Seventh
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14 May 2012, 1:13 am

Xenu wrote:
And I'm still grieving a bit but if she's not coming back then I have to move on eventually right? I guess if there isn't a big social stigma against like I thought there was I'll try and get a new girlfriend then.


The main issue is that if you're dating someone new "on the re-bound", you might be overly vulnerable in the new relationship, or you might not treat the new person with sufficient respect. That is, unless you happen to be very self-aware and mature.

Sometimes people who are re-bounding choose the new partner on the basis that they're the opposite of the old partner, or very similar to the old partner. Or they spend a lot of time comparing the new partner to the old one. Not a healthy basis for a relationship. If you find yourself still thinking about the old relationship when you're out with the new person, then you've started dating too soon.



IlovemyAspie
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14 May 2012, 1:55 am

Seventh wrote:
Xenu wrote:
And I'm still grieving a bit but if she's not coming back then I have to move on eventually right? I guess if there isn't a big social stigma against like I thought there was I'll try and get a new girlfriend then.


The main issue is that if you're dating someone new "on the re-bound", you might be overly vulnerable in the new relationship, or you might not treat the new person with sufficient respect. That is, unless you happen to be very self-aware and mature.

Sometimes people who are re-bounding choose the new partner on the basis that they're the opposite of the old partner, or very similar to the old partner. Or they spend a lot of time comparing the new partner to the old one. Not a healthy basis for a relationship. If you find yourself still thinking about the old relationship when you're out with the new person, then you've started dating too soon.


I agree with both of Seventh's posts :D



IlovemyAspie
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14 May 2012, 1:56 am

Seventh wrote:
Xenu wrote:
And I'm still grieving a bit but if she's not coming back then I have to move on eventually right? I guess if there isn't a big social stigma against like I thought there was I'll try and get a new girlfriend then.


The main issue is that if you're dating someone new "on the re-bound", you might be overly vulnerable in the new relationship, or you might not treat the new person with sufficient respect. That is, unless you happen to be very self-aware and mature.

Sometimes people who are re-bounding choose the new partner on the basis that they're the opposite of the old partner, or very similar to the old partner. Or they spend a lot of time comparing the new partner to the old one. Not a healthy basis for a relationship. If you find yourself still thinking about the old relationship when you're out with the new person, then you've started dating too soon.


I agree with both of Seventh's posts :D



Xenu
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14 May 2012, 2:23 am

Seventh wrote:
Xenu wrote:
And I'm still grieving a bit but if she's not coming back then I have to move on eventually right? I guess if there isn't a big social stigma against like I thought there was I'll try and get a new girlfriend then.


The main issue is that if you're dating someone new "on the re-bound", you might be overly vulnerable in the new relationship, or you might not treat the new person with sufficient respect. That is, unless you happen to be very self-aware and mature.

Sometimes people who are re-bounding choose the new partner on the basis that they're the opposite of the old partner, or very similar to the old partner. Or they spend a lot of time comparing the new partner to the old one. Not a healthy basis for a relationship. If you find yourself still thinking about the old relationship when you're out with the new person, then you've started dating too soon.


True... I think I'm ready though, I mean I still care about my ex but like... f**k you know maybe you're right... Thinking about it I'm still too caught up in her to start another relationship... I guess I'll just to stick to one night stands and FWB's for now... I just really miss the feel of being in relationship... And like it hurts because she actually left me for another person and is in a relationship with him right now... I mean it's obvious in every way that they aren't going to last but I can't help but feel kind of jealous... .I just miss that feeling of being with somebody... I really love her and would like it to be her despite how much she's hurt me and treated me sense the breakup but i'm so down and lonely i just want to feel loved lol... I guess looking at it from a logical situation I'd just be going into a rebound...



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14 May 2012, 6:34 pm

I don't think there is any social rule about when to date again after a breakup. Now if you wanted to date her best friend it might be different. Then I'd say wait a good while before dating someone she knows or in her close circle of family or friends, 4-6 months, or you would look like a jerk. Then again not everyone cares what others think. If you date someone she knows well, it would probably hurt her more if you didn't wait at least that long first.

But - if she broke up with you, and if you aren't planning to date anyone in specific, then it really doesn't matter if or when you begin hanging out with other females again. At least, to meet some, enjoy their platonic company, and see if it leads to anything more on its own or naturally. Don't rush anything.

The real question is are you emotionally ready? If you are still in mourning over anything it is not a good time to begin a new relationship. Until you feel back to your 'normal self' again.



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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14 May 2012, 6:40 pm

She left you, you owe her nothing.



IlovemyAspie
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14 May 2012, 7:06 pm

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I just really miss the feel of being in relationship... And like it hurts because she actually left me for another person and is in a relationship with him right now... I mean it's obvious in every way that they aren't going to last but I can't help but feel kind of jealous... .I just miss that feeling of being with somebody... I really love her and would like it to be her despite how much she's hurt me and treated me sense the breakup but i'm so down and lonely i just want to feel loved lol... I guess looking at it from a logical situation I'd just be going into a rebound...


Based on the way you feel, another relationship would most definately be a rebound.



JanuaryMan
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14 May 2012, 7:15 pm

Game over, man! Game over! No more dating for you! Unwritten rules written invisibly by the dating police of new WrongPlanetacia dictate you must honour your ex partners for life!

I jest, of course. Just go out with someone new when it feels like the right time, not because anything like loneliness.