Do Aspies Need Space From Communication

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I am in a relationship with an Aspie and we both work. I never know why my SO does this but sometimes my SO can go 3-4 days at a time with no communication. If I text/call before my SO does, of course SO will happily answer but if I wait to see if SO does SO can go for about 3 days and be fine. When SO does text/call me, SO will act as if we had been talking everyday. I have no problem with this I just find it unusual at times and was wondering if this was common with some people.

*SO= Significant Other

Uh, yes. It's pretty much the hallmark of the Aspie. (not every single one, but most of us)

Simply, we are too sensitive (neurologically) to outside stimulation, so a little bit goes a long, long way.

Yes I have noticed this.

I did this when I first moved out away from family. My phone calls or emails tapered off.

I think I just wasn't sure what the fine line was between bugging people from always calling or not calling enough.

Also if I call I want it to be because I have something worth talking about. Not just call to say "Hey what's up?".

By the way to people normally do that?

I can't relate- I couldn't be in a relationship where we don't even see each other every day,
let alone a text or a call for three or four days.

I dunno. I wouldn't even call that a friend.

But I wouldn't chalk anything up to Aspie vs. NT- different people want different amounts of space.

OP, if you feel like you don't have enough communication with your SO, you should talk to him about it - as clearly as possible. First however, I suggest that you give some thought to why this is troubling you. I think this is one of the communication issues that can make "mixed" (Aspie/NT) relationships a bit challenging: NTs tend to believe that hearing from you SO twice a week or so could be indicative of a lack of interest. That may - or may not be - the case in a mixed relationship. There are times when Aspie partners get caught up in their own activities, interests, etc., or are going through a stressful time (and contact increases their stress level), or they have no idea that the frequency of contact isn't enough for you. Whatever the reason, it doesn't necessarily indicate a lack of interest.

I try to leave the pace of communication up to the Aspie in the relationship. However, if I feel like he's fallen off the face of the earth, I would tell him (it hasn't been a problem so far). Since it's bothering you, you should discuss it - and give him the chance to understand what you need. Good luck.

Once every 3 days seems quite frequent to me, if someone is a friend then they are a friend, I shouldn't have to prove my friendship on a frequency that is too much to make it comfortable and enjoyable. If someone did try to force more contact, it would feel just that - forced. Being able to live with the necessary space & time that I need to function properly is a requisite of any successful relationship - friend, family or other.

So, I don't think it's unusual, but if it's in a partnership & the other person takes exception to this, then of course it can cause problems. Sounds like you're okay with it though.

Hi ChersireCat1, I just read your first post, and was very surprised, as this is the same situation with my partner and I. We've been together for 6 and a half years, will be moving in together in a few months, but we have always lived apart so far and only see each other on weekends. We both work and are busy through the week, and also the sms communication side of things is the same, although I did mention this to my boyfriend a few months ago and he's made more of a concerted effort to keep the communication up (I had been worrying that I was doing something wrong etc). It's comforting (?) to know that there are other situations like it.

Lots of Aspies(espcially the guys judging from post here) tend to require more space within a relationship compared to the typical NT. They need time to process things, wind down ect. There are exceptions thou; I'm the other extreme & am clingy by NT standards

nick007 : I didn't realise Aspies could be clingy. I definitely know my boyfriend falls into the needing space category, and luckily I do too.

pretty much. Just try not to get upset, we should be good to speak again after a day or so

Personally I dont tend to call or communicate with anyone unless I have something to say, especially given my inability to engage in chit-chat.
I do need time away from everyone and will frequently shut myself off from the world.
Dont take non-communication negitively but never underestimate it either. If you do worry or want more effort from your SO then talk to them.