Help, aggressive girl

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Hi, I'm a soon-to-be 23-year-old in my first relationship, with an 18-year-old girl I met on JDate. She is just starting out at a women's college, and I am a 2nd-year graduate student at Pitt. We've been going out for some time, and a couple of days back she asked whether she could sleep at my place. Thinking the most it would get to would be kissing (which I had never done anyways) and cuddling, I said OK. Well, when she came out of the bathroom, she was dressed in a negligee and started to get, well, a little aggressive with me (you know that saying, a lady in the street but a freak in the bed). The kissing I could deal with, but then she wanted to move to "other stuff" (or as she put it, "anything but"). I told her no, but she kept insisting, going into grinding and taking the top off her negligee. Problem is, I had told her repeatedly before about my moral convictions, but she said that if I relaxed more I would think differently. Well, I couldn't, and eventually got out of bed, left my apt for a second, and called my parents for help (because I had told them previously how I was afraid of something happening). I told my gf after calming down that I did not feel comfortable (of course, a little while before, when I said I wasn't comfortable, she said, "OK, only 22-year-old who doesn't want a h*****b). My gf (who btw has horrible relations with both of her parents) was frankly surprised when I tried to hide my callback to my mom in the bathroom (I had tried to use the sink to mask the call).

I know about the norms of society, by which men are supposed to go after the women and that women are supposed to resist, and if the women don't resist, then so much the easier. I'm frankly scared that the shoe is on the other foot in this case. Does anyone have experience with this and know what to do?

I doubt she'll be "understanding" for very long.

You'll either have to have sex with her or let her go.

Oh and don't be suprised if she gets sh***y with you or says nasty things if you don't put out.

Are your convictions moral or is it that you want to take your time and get more comfortable with the idea of being more sexual with her?

i would love a girl like that

you dont know how lucky your are mate

as for as *not* wanting *it*, meh.. just go for it dude!

If it's about taking your time, there are ways to go about it.

First thing she's going to feel is unattractive and rejected by you. This goes probably more for women than men. Because of society's notion that all men want to jump into bed right away...which is not true. My sister went through this and she was so frustrated. I talked to her a lot about patience with the guy and now she's married to him and loves him.

Guys, I think he may want to take things slower, which is the way he feels comfortable.

Some Women will wait. As long as they know it has nothing to do with not being attracted to them and they don't feel overtly rejected.

Moral. I believe in waiting until marriage.

Then that's your decision and you have the right to make your own choices towards what makes you feel good about yourself.

Once again, she may think you don't find her attractive. If you reassure her that she is, and she leaves anyway, then she's not the right person for you.

she is persistent with sex? I dont blame you for your actions, I'd feel uncomfortable and have felt uncomfortable when someone else decided 'warp speed' was how we were going to take things.

Tell her you don't want to move fast and ruin things. Friends first is the way to go, at least in my eyes.

If you believe in waiting till marriage, you should not have agreed to let her sleep at your place. This probably sent the wrong message to her, even if you had discussed your limits beforehand.

I'll think about it. Problem is, she says she's always been aggressive (although she says she's done "everything but"). I don't know if I can take the freak out of the lady. I'm starting to have doubts about my relationship and what she wants, and it pains me.

Maybe. All I know was that my conservative Christian roommate in my freshman year of undergrad had a girl over repeatedly, but they did nothing. Which, on many different levels, is good (in other words, no sexile), but probably sent me some bad vibes on how that should work.

Hmm, now that I see the adult section, maybe I should have posted in there rather than here?

mate.

As much as I admire you for your convictions, you have wonder, maychance if she wanted some action, then perchance you should of outlined how far you were willing to go. If this were me, I would of said something along the lines of, "look, I know you want to do this, okay, we will, but there is a point, that I think will be appropriate for right now, if we feel the relationship going right, further on, we can go farther on, but for right now, these are the limits."

set those limits, so whatever they are, whatever it is, explain it to her, that's what your comfortable with. that way, she gets to do something, and you don't feel guilty.

this forum is fine.



To be honest, you're going to have a hard time finding someone else who wants to wait until marriage in this day and age.

I believe you should take some time to think about if waiting until marriage is what you really want.

I greatly admire your self control, however.

She's an 18 year old girl, which says it all.

You have to understand that age DOES make a difference, especially within the 18-23 range. A lot of girls don't know what they want at that age, and if they do know what they want, it's usually just to act crazy and have profuse amounts of sex. I'm 20 years old, and I've been in a handful of relationships like that, and let me tell you, the girls are hardly "understanding" of anything. They eventually pop and leave you wondering what the hell you did wrong, when in fact, you did nothing wrong, it was their own immaturity and insecurities which brought them to their own state of sexually-deprived paranoia.

There is seriously nothing rational about a lot of girls at that age, so if they're being more aggressive than what you would consider to be the norm, don't worry about it. They're still growing up, and they don't have their priorities straight yet.