Impatience

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I just realized that for some reason, I just don't have the patience right now to go through this whole dating/courtship process. It's almost like for reasons unknown to me I want to rush into a relationship. I mean, what I really want is a girlfriend, and not just somebody to f**k(well, sure, I'd like to screw but I mainly want someone to snuggle with in bed at night and wake up with a nice warm living body in my bed next to me). I have this horrible tendency to be a lil too aggressive on teh first date when it comes to making out and heavy petting.

So WTF is wrong with me? Anyone else felt this way before??? Then again, maybe I just aint found the right person.



Also, if I get used to txting/calling someone regularly before we meet, things go well on the 1st date, we arrange a 2nd date, but after the 1st one they back off and become unresponsive for no apparent reason, that really bothers the s**t out of me and makes me distrust them. If you like someone but don't trust them that is just a recipe for disaster IME.

Imaptience is one hell of a demon. Might be best to find other things to keep you busy so you are making time for the relationship you want to have, instead of making it the only thing that fills your time.

It sounds kind of normal. Dating IMHO is about as fun as getting your teeth drilled. Meeting someone for dinner, nervously broaching canned questions back and forth across the table, feeling like you jumped into a timewarp back to 1920 .

If you hate the process perhaps just hang back, work on things for a while, and come back to it when you feel like you've got the endurance for the grind work. It could just be that you're tapped out on motivation for the time being. I think that can happen to pretty much anyone.

I feel like this. I don't meet any women on my own so it's kind of difficult. I feel somewhat repressed, as though I'm not living a full life, and am mainly left to my porn.

lol okay, okay! Not a lot to say really, except practice some restraint on messaging, communications until you become more patient.

It must have been the time and place, but when I was growing up, nobody ever went on a "date". That was seen as archaic and overly formal.

I´m the contrary.
I like to court and date. I've learned the dance (but not to dance), although I'm a bit shy.

Sadly, I lose interest very fast after that happens.
And I dislike being denied my personal space and absolute control of my own time.

In my defense, I never make fasle promisses.

So... there.

On a first date, it works best to be formal enough to show respect and to show the other person that their boundaries will be respected. Think "very gentle nudge" versus "push." If they sense impatience on your part, it will reverse every positive feeling they had during correspondence, and replace them with feelings of distrust and lack of safety.

This is especially true of women, as one in about three will be date raped at some point. Pushy and impatient equals DANGER to women.

Post date- ONE text or email the next day, stating that you had a nice time and would love the opportunity to do it again is ENOUGH. Then let it sit for a few days before calling to arrange a second date.

This is not game playing. Consider that people who are dating have presumably been on their own for a bit. It takes a period of adjustment to go from spending time alone, to having the phone ring regularly. And for God's sake, do not start calling daily (or more) if you do not immediately get a call back. S/he may have been coached to wait a day or two to call back so as not to appear too eager. If, during that time, she gets 10 calls from you, she will go from eagerly anticipating your next conversation to fearing a stalker situation.

In some circles of relationship psychology, over-eager behavior is linked to an anxious attachment style and is seen as a subconscious form of self-sabotage. For those who actually want to maintain their distance but feel conflicted by wanting a relationship, this is an easy way to guarantee that initial infatuation will never progress to a full fledged relationship, yet can be blamed on the reluctance of the partner rather than oneself. ("I tried, but *they* walked away...")

Try to take baby steps. Also it might be worth
considering that courtship can set the tempo for the rest of the relationship. If you lay it on thick at the outset, and then back off, this reversal will be seen by your partner as a rejection. However, if you start slow and steady, your partner will be conditioned to expect THAT pace, and in the coming months, a need for space will be seen as normal instead of as a retraction of affection. Does that make sense?

Good luck. If now is not the right time for a relationship, there is no harm in that either. We all have different "seasons" when it comes to our needs for solitude versus togetherness. You are entitled to your own flow!