Flirting appropriateness help needed!

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There's a super-cute girl I know, she's smart, shy just the way I like it, wears really cute clothes, and has really short hair, so there's a better chance than usual that she's gay (I think that's how it works).

Unfortunately, I'm her teacher. I'm not totally out of options: we're the same age, its uni, the course will be finished soon, and I'm quitting the job after I'm done with this course.

Is there any way to try to keep in contact with her without being a creepy or inappropriate flirt? What do I say? Do I have to ask her in person, or can I use her email address, which I already have?

I'm already really stupid and awkward around her, so I need specifics - 'be yourself' isn't an option, I just freeze up unless I have the conversation planned.

Also I'm moving 700kms away in a couple of months. Maybe that means I should just give up. After all it's just a crush.

What do y'all think?

Has she shown interest?

Not explicitly. I can't be relied upon to pick up subtle signals, and she seems shy, so she probably wouldn't show interest noticeably if she were interested.

well this is a sticky situation. are you moving after the course ends? i was going to say to definitely wait till the course ends to make your move, but i suppose you could ask her to go to the uni coffee shop after class, assuming you have one. sometimes i see professors do that, and it's just so discrete it might actually work, and youll have the chance to feel her out a little bit. discuss school, grades, majors, interests in that area, smile a lot- most people know that's a sign of interest so even a shy girl will see that. try to figure out if she is gay or bi. maybe you could exchange facebook or myspace accounts so you can find out on her profile without asking directly?

My feeling about this is that it's a really, really bad idea. A really bad idea. You may be the same age, you may be about to leave this job, but if you make a move on her and she reacts badly to it you could still find yourself being in deep trouble for sexual harrassment, particularly if anything happens before the end of the course. When you have a professional relationship with someone it can backfire much more badly than if you just met them in the pub. You don't know if she's gay, which could also be a problem. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being gay - I'm gay myself - but people often seem to react even worse to an unwanted advance from a member of the same sex.

For all I know, the feelings could be mutual. But my feeling here (sorry) is that you have a lot to lose and not much to gain. If it goes well, you get in a few dates before you leave and move all that distance away. If it goes badly, she could go to your boss and launch an official complaint against you and that could have serious implications for your career. If you have typical aspie problems in grasping nonverbal cues on whether or not another person is interested, you could find this even harder to navigate. I'd love to say "go for it" but I'm really not sure it's worth the risk. If you do go for it, it really would be best to wait until after the course is finished. Maybe send an email to see how she's getting on and let it go from there.

The whole teacher/student thing makes me a bit uncomfortable. I think i wouldnt do anything about this unless i was certain she liked me back. I dont think you should send her an email and show your interest, she might feel stalked unless she likes you back. Im guessing you have it cause you are her teacher, and then thats what you should use it for.

You can get in trouble for this. Dont take any chances. As you're saying, you're moving away soon anyway so i wouldnt act on this just now.

Don't do it. Sorry, but I have to agree with the last two posts; I'm afraid it may be wishful thinking on your part (besides, I used to have really short hair- it's not a good indicator of lesbianism (or maybe that's where I went wrong )) . I'm 100% gulty of it myself- just made an eejit of myself for the past two years by fancying someone who, now I look back (ok, it was basically pointed out to me by my mum), has absolutely no interest in me back. It hurts. But at least you won't be in trouble with the college!

If you do go ahead with it, what about giving your contact details (e.g. email address) to the class as a whole- that way she can get in touch with you if she wants. I don't think asking for hers will work.

Sorry I can't sound more optimistic Hope you find another person really soon!

Oh gosh. This is a tough one for sure. I have noticed that some students and faculty that are around the same age can become close friends. My sister goes out drinking with one of her instructors every Friday night. I think it would be a bit akward but if you try maybe you can become friends with this girl, get to know her out of class context but keep it just that. After the course is over maybe you can stay in contact and see what happens, but I totally agree with everyone else about not trying to start anything while class is still in session. I wish you the best, though. She must be super super cute for you to be in such a situation.

I would say DON'T flirt, it's too dangerous. But you could try to befriend her. See where it goes from there. Now, don't make it explicitly clear that you're trying to make friends with her. Don't go out of your way to talk to her, or anything like that, unless it's about her grade or something. Think about any teachers you've had that you were on somewhat-friendly terms with.

If you wanted to do something elaborate you could require all your students to see you in your office to talk about their grade (even for the students with very good grades), and when she came you could chat with her then, as long as you didn't make it obvious you were TRYING to talk to her about anything BUT her grade, unless you also did that with all your other students, like asking them about their majors and what they wanted to do and stuff like that, and talking to them all about it a little, but giving her a little more time. Be very casual about the whole thing so that it doesn't seem weird. Just be friendly to your students in general, maybe tell them to email you about how they're doing sometime. I can understand why this might be more trouble than it's worth, though, if you're not the "friendly" type of teacher.

Just make sure not to give her an A just because you like her, if she doesn't deserve the grade.

Thanks for all the responses! With all your help, I think I've worked out a plan.

I have 2 months between the end of the course and when I move, so there's a little bit of time.. but I won't flirt. After the last class, I'll ask her to come to something social with all my friends (a combination of students and teachers all in their mid twenties). I think I'm justified in doing this anyway, because she's smart enough to be a grad student, and good grad students who know the right people get teaching jobs (really well paid teaching jobs ) It's that horrible networking thing - somehow I've ended up on the right side of it.

At worst, she'll get embarrassed and say something to get out of the invite and I'll leave it be and never see her again. I can't see how this could be taken as sexual harassment, so I think I'm safe. I'd be mortified, but not in serious trouble.

At best, I'll end up talking to her at some social things and in 2 months we'll be acquainted enough that it won't be weird to keep in touch when I move away - I'm way too shy to start a relationship with someone I barely know anyway, I don't know what I was thinking!

Good Luck!

Agreed - go very lightly with any flirting and concentrate on being friends for now.