Never a girlfriend, never a hug, trying to be optimistic

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I am sorry to burden you wil another love shy aspie story. My therapist diagnosed me after several weeks of meetings, it's hard to believe I had not been to therapy before 44. I am immensely shy around young women. Aside from a few friendly hugs during high school I have never been close to a woman. The idea will simply not enter my head when talking to women who could be a friend. I have hired prostitutes and been mostly successful with them although I cry afterwards. My therapist simply shakes his head and said something is very wrong with me..

Everyone around me thinks I am doing great. I am tall and healthy, very successful with a great career and early retirement if my life does not change. Never dating, having friends or taking vacations really lets money pile up. Everything is doing well except for the fact that I have lived a life alone every night without any companionship.

The thought of trying to deal with a NT my own age is more that I can process. Could I even live with a woman? There have been many male ancestors of mine who remained unmarried, childless or widowed. My father often spoke about needing time alone and he remained alone after my mother died.

I myself can easily live with a woman - if she didn't want to do anything! If she does, I'm in trouble. Does the female you hope to be with have to be NT? Can she also be aspie? I'm pretty optimistic, though. I'm of the mindset that, when you least expect it, you meet someone that you click with. It can happen at a doctor's office, a supermarket, work, church, your job site, one of those meetup groups on the internet, etc. People do successfully meet people on internet dating sites. I met a guy that way and we stayed together for 6 months (I'm to blame for the breakup, though). You sound like a nice guy. I'm rooting for you.

Have you tried to meet people, say through internet dating to begin with? I'm not sure if you have tried and failed or if you just haven't tried as you are convinced you will fail.

Internet dating is brilliant if you chat to people for a while, a good while first before even thinking of meeting up.

If you try and enjoy the process of making a female friend online, without focussing on any end agenda (finding a woman to live with one day), then you can see what you learn. You are just a slow starter, try and be positive and dont knock yourself. Being too self critical will get in your way.

Keep in mind that online dating can damage your self-esteem, as half of the women don't even bother to answer your messages. Also, many women will reject you after the first date if you're inexperienced, shy etc.

Then there's the problem with women who look nothing like their profile picture.

First step is to get yourself into a position to meet more women. Then improve your social abilities with them without trying for more. Then move on from there. It's never easy to learn it but everyone has some room for improvement.

Don't be afraid to take some shots, and don't be overly embarrassed if you fail. Everyone has done that. It's perfectly normal.

Some will think this is a bad idea but maybe you could try to find a woman who would be impressed by your very successful career. She may be using you but you'd get companionship & sex & you may not have to deal with the emotional closeness that an NT woman in a typical relationship would want.

Its quite normal to focus on work/whatever and forget about dating and whatnot.

Even Steve Jobs talks about that on one of his best known speeches[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA[/youtube](you may find it inspiring so Im putting it here)

As for the chances of finding someone I encourage you to try to join a group around your area and focus on trying to talk to women in a friendly manner(pretend they are males/try to imitate some friends from your favourite book...).
Im not going to lie its going to be awkward at first but its a numbers game.
There are stories out there of a guy that was unable to ask a girl out. He had read every piece of material online and he still couldnt bring himself to do it. On one of his breaks from work that lasted a month he focused on approaching 1000 girls as a personal challenge.
He claims this made him realize that rejection is something you can live by with and he can now approach any female in a more confident/successful manner.

Im not asking you to do that on one of your holidays but making a commitment to try to interact with a female on a healthy manner is going to be less expensive than hiring a hooker and hopefully it wond end with you regretting talking to them(as it happens with the hookers)

Thank you all for the advice. I am just so confused when people talk about local singles, locals groups. Like I am going to barge into a bar wearing a boa. I gave up public drinking over twenty years ago and cannot tolerate drunks, especially women. I cannot stand to see a drunken face, I cannot read any emotions except anger and hostility, and the speed at which drunks can turn violent frightens me.

I have tried many times to be outgoing and find interests but it it simply not in my nature. I have gone back to school, gone to the beach for years, prowled flea markets, garage sales, church bazaars, employee picnics. Never even once have I found interest in a woman's actions, demeanor or attention towards me..

I cannot tell you how many time I have been somewhere near a woman who does not notice me, she see me from afar and recoils in horror with her hand across her chest and she backs into a wall. After this happens I am so distraught I have to go home. For 20 years. I am a tall bald menacing looking person and simply smiling does not really help you look more approachable.