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Num4Myranda
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16 May 2012, 3:15 pm

So I have a bf. weve been dating for 6 months now. Though sometimes things just stress me out and make me wanna hide or spin.... Idk. When he says like "hmm" in a text I think he is thinking something bad about us. Or he's mad. Or when he doesn't text back I always get scared and wait for him to text back. Is it normal ?



SillyEnigma
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16 May 2012, 3:47 pm

It's normal to fear losing people, but you can go beyond that and think you love him no matter if you have to let him go, you know? Best luck though; I hope you last as long as you want to! Message me if you want advice on anything else in love or life!! !



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16 May 2012, 4:24 pm

as far as the "hmmm" thing is concerned, I think it depends on the context. I'll say "hmmm" when I'm being flirty. I'll say something like, "you really need to find something else to do on the weekends. Something other than same old boring stuff, hmmmmm" kind of like "wonder what you could get into, maybe me"? But I wont say it I'll just say "hmmm". That's me thinkin' naughty but not saying what I'm thinkin'. Make sense? Or like you looked super cute today, hmmmm". It sounds like you're just a little insecure about the relationship which is normal especially at the beginning.
The part where he doesn't text you back. Sometimes it could just be an honest oversight. Does he have AS? This might explain things. Sometimes I'll text and get nothing but it's because he's thinking really hard on how to respond and then he just burns himself out on what to say so he just doesn't respond at all.



Num4Myranda
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16 May 2012, 5:23 pm

Yeah idk im just always anxious in things like this.

Like we may just be talking or I could be in a bad mood and he would just say "hm" with a period which idk it just makes me feel anxious.



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16 May 2012, 6:42 pm

okay I think that means that he doesn't want to say something that will make things worse, so he just says "hmmm". It's a neutral response. He's acknowledging you so you wont think he's ignoring you but at the same time he's not making things worse by saying something stupid. Sometimes I'll do that when I don't want to disagree. It's better to say "hmmm" instead of "no you're wrong, this is what I think". Sometimes it's just not the right time for that so you get "hmmm".



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17 May 2012, 5:26 am

Personally I don't think that the way he is saying "Hmmm" is either thinking something bad or upsetting.
Hmmm... From my perspective you are rather sensitive and thinking too much about a response you should really not think twice over.
He could also use it in a sense of not knowing what to say to make you happier... Here's an example:
You: Which dress looks better on me?
Him: Hmmm... I am unsure.
Maybe it is because he's afraid to choose if he chose the one you don't like as much as the other.


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Num4Myranda
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17 May 2012, 11:16 am

I agree I over analyze, but heres like a conversation.

"how was your day?" him
"it was ok" me
"hm." him



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17 May 2012, 11:34 am

I'm guessing he was probably expecting you to ask how his day was after saying how your day was and when you didn't he responded with "hm." He could be over-analyzing the situation just as you are and when you just answer his questions without doing anything to keep the conversation going he think you're not interested.


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IlovemyAspie
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17 May 2012, 12:02 pm

Well if you think about it, what else was there to say? He could have drilled you about why it was just "okay". But some people don't do that because they don't want the other person to feel like theyre getting the third degree. I'm sure if you had said your day was awful he would have asked why. He probably didn't know what else to say???



Num4Myranda
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17 May 2012, 11:41 pm

I know over think everything. I just get a feeling
Of anxiety when he is mad



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18 May 2012, 9:54 am

It was normal for me. I was always anticipating something bad, sadly. It caused me a lot of anxiety and my stress levels became incredibly high because of it.



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18 May 2012, 12:57 pm

is that the only thing about the conversations that bother you? I mean overall do you have meaningful conversations?

I over analyze things as well. After every conversation I go back and replay it over and over and think about his facial expressions and his responses. Then sometimes I get worried that I said something wrong and I'll send a text to "clarify" and that sometimes to me seems like I'm making things worse. Sometimes you just have to just relax. Everything doesn't have to be perfect, cause we sure aren't.

Sometimes if someone says "hmm" and I'm wondering why I'll say it right back! Then that usually opens up the conversation a little more.