How can I help my NT partner?

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I know living with me isn't easy. For a neurotypical man, these constant mood swings, breakdowns and outbursts must be so confusing and exhausting.
Sometimes i wish he could understand better what's going on inside me, and be more considerate about it. But at the same time, I can't demand his understanding. He had no idea what he was getting into, especially since I wasn't diagnosed yet when we first got together. He has no obligation to put up with any of it.

I understand that this must be really hard for him. Not only dealing with a "crazy lady" on a daily basis, but finding out I had AS must've been as overwhelming to him as it was for me.

I've read plenty of posts from NT-partners about the difficulties living with an AS-person, and I'm realizing that I don't even understand half of the problems that I'm causing him.
I know that a lot of it is really fundamental, and I couldn't understand his needs or how to address them no matter how much I tried. But I so badly want to make life easier for him, and the way I'm trying to do that is not the right one.
He won't share his needs and emotions, even if I ask, so I have no way of knowing how to help. Or even what the problem is sometimes.
So now I'm looking for answers elsewhere.
Are there any NT's around here that could share a little? I see all these posts saying how difficult it is living with autists, but I don't really see anyone expressing how they wish things were instead (I get that it might seem obvious, but I can't connect this type of problem to a solution just like that).

What is it that you need from your AS partner?
How could things be made easier?

How can I help my boyfriend cope with me?


Thank you.

- Em

Warn him when he is "triggering" you.

And work with him. And encourage him to work with you.

You must find him amazing; and I bet he finds you amazing, too.

A lot of what I've gathered on here, is that As partner could reassure Nt that they love and care for them. AS partner could initiate more contact, outings, etc... (Im assuming you live together, but if you don't, you could text him, or call him just to see how he's doing).

As an NT working hard to understand my close friend.
I would:
Tell him read to everything he can find to understand you. Especially useful are books written by aspies or by sympathetic partners.
Tell him to come on here and be prepared to listen and learn.
Tell him to alter his expectations.
Tell him to learn to adapt
Tell him to not take everything personally
Tell him you're absolutely woeth it

Thank you guys. I guess he needs to put in some effort as well. I'm just so tired of hearing it because it makes me feel a bit helpless, and like all the blame is on him.

To that1weirdgrrrl - Yes, we do live together. Unfortunately, I happen to be the clingy one around here. When reading about the typical NT/AS relationships, it almost makes it seem like he's the autist.

Explore your own needs. The mood swings can be much less violent once you understand what causes them. The calmer you are, the calmer your partner will be.
Lots of my temperament problems ended since I started to care for my sensory comfort - and my husband became calmer too.

Thank you! My mood is definitely the most common cause of trouble around here. I'm glad you say it, because it makes me hopeful. I'm barely even diagnosed yet, and I'm already having an easier time understanding where my feelings come from.
I will attend my first support group meeting today, where they'll be talking about emotional control. I'm really excited about it, and hoping it will help me understand more.