My girlfriend has Aperger's

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I recently started dating a girl with Asperger's. Before we started dating she was never what she calls "Awkward" i just call it cute, right now I am just not sure what i can do to let her open up to me. I honestly have been up all night looking into this. She has moments where she doesn't know how to react to when I do anything romantic i.e. I gave her a rose and she looked at the ground and quietly mumbled thank you which was the cutest thing ever. But I don\'t like making her feel awkward or out of place because I just want to make her happy. Its even hard to kiss because after we do she hides her face and rambles. I asked her the other day if she enjoys when we kiss and she said that she does. I am also trying to lower physical contact by not putting my arm around her things like that. I appreciate any input you have and hopefully I can correct my behavior as needed. By the way i am new to writing in forums

Hi np0388.

You sound like you really care about your girlfriend which is great.

I'm an Aspie girl in a relationship with an NT. I am usually much more awkward at the beginning of a relationship. Once I have got used to the other person I relax a bit. It may be that time and patience is all that is needed. Having said that, everyone with Aspergers is different, so what is true for one person may not be the same for another. You could maybe ask your girlfriend what she would like, as she seems happy to tell you when she does like something (kissing for example).

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate the advice next time she and i talk i'll ask her

Is there anything i should be prepared for in this relationship?

Prepared for? You mean like a sudden meltdown? Unfortunately, they can happen when you least expect them because any infinite situation can trigger one. If one happens all you can do is be there to give support because meltdowns are not pretty and can challenge you.

Just ask her if something is bothering her- you'll usually be able to tell. Maybe ask what she would like changed, what she would want more of. I know that I personally can't deal with a lot of touching, rubbing, or kissing. Some people can, others can't. I begin to feel overloaded from all the sensations. Just be sure to ask, that way you don't upset her.

I have aspergers with a BF. He doesn't know but he has established that I am a bit "different" than any other girl. Just make sure you know what she likes and doesnt like. You can have bad fights just because she doesnt like something you do and it bothers you that you cant do it, so try and be understanding in those situations.

She and I hung out today and I was in my socially awkward mode because of a bad night but it appears my awkwardness made her feel more comfortable because later she got home she sent me a message saying she noticed something today so I asked her what she noticed and she said she noticed she really really liked me so she got home an# instantly wanted to talk to me because she missed me.... today is a happy day...

Good job man. All you can do is try and understand. It isnt to much of a diffrence between aspies and everyone else. The main things are we can be socially awkward and can get upset at drop of a dime. besides that aint much seperates us.

Anything can happen. Just take time to develop the relationship. Get to know her and her likes & dislikes. Over time you should be able to pick up on her moods. Realize that if you has an outburst/meltdown, it probably isn't directed at you, but you are there and may be on the receiving end of things. Just be caring and supportive.

I'm an Aspie girl and I've been married to my husband for 23 years. We have gone through a lot together, and the fact that we still ARE together speaks well for him, I think. I'll give you a little insight from my own life:

Make decisions and ask for her input rather than asking for her to make a decision. You might think you are being open and flexible, but she'll feel pressed on to make a choice. Rather than ask, "Where do you want to eat?" Ask something like, "Would you like to go to ABC restaurant tonight?" If not, she'll respond with something like "No, I'd rather do B", then you're all set. If you start with Where do you want to eat? and she has no preference, you can stall all conversation while she sorts it out.

Learn to read her cues... we don't like social events -- parties, gatherings, large crowds. BUT we will often attend these types of things if we are with someone we feel safe with. If you want to attend a big social event and you want her to go, just be on the lookout for nervous anxiety building up, darting eyes, stimming, etc. Those are cues that she needs to leave the scene.

Don't EVER leave her alone at a gathering for an extended period of time and expect her to chat with others till you get back. She will likely melt into the background and you'll have to find her among the wallpaper print.

Share her interests. She'll probably have one or two things that she is extremely interested in and likes to talk about. She may even morph into a sort of authority on a narrow range of topics. Give her an audience and you'll be amazed at how smart she is on a few topics.

Never make an Aspiechick the center of attention without her explicit permission. You can draw her into a conversation if you believe it is a topic of interest, but don't put her on the spot and don't catch her off guard and expect her to make nice conversation with a group of people she does not know.

The best thing you can do is be a "safe zone" for her. That is what has made my marriage last so long. We argue and fuss from time to time and he has habits that send me right up the wall, but I know that he will never harm me, never make fun of me, and never let anyone else do those things as long as he is around. Even when I have a melt down, I know that I don't have to hide from him because he will keep me safe while I recompose.

I think it is great that you are seeking understanding. That's really all most of us need to have a good, solid relationship. My hubby didn't know why I was different (I'm rather newly diagnosed), but he loves me and he has managed to do the right things by me that have kept us together. I guess it really was meant to be.