Distant relationship?

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Hi everyone!
I am not sure, maybe this topic was already put on the forum. If it is the case, I'm sorry for the redundancy...

Here are my questions:
- Is it possible to be very attracted to someone but living each one in different countries?
- If you have already experienced, or if you live actually, this kind of situation, I would be very interested in your point of view!
- Do you use Skype? Any other IM softwares? Phone? eMails?...

More generally, what do you think about distant relationship?

Thanks for your answers!
Live long and prosper

Of course it's possible. Love knows no boundaries! It just depends on the person, some people wouldn't be able to do it and others are able to do so and have successful relationships. Sometimes, they even end up getting married. I think majour committment, communication and of course a lot of patience and trust comes down to a long distance relationship. Sometimes for people, not being able to be with that person can really get to them and they wouldn't be able to do it. It takes a lot of trust to also place in the person when you are in a long distance relationship because you're not with them in person all the time. In the beginning I think it's important to build that trust. Also, reassurance often helps. I think if the two people in the relationship are devoted enough to eachother and keep it alive by some form of communication, then it'll work.

I myself am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We find this works really well for us because we get time to miss eachother and don't ever get on eachother's nerves by being around eachother too much. This gives us enough space between seeing eachother. We actually feel like we've missed one another. I still get butterflies every time I meet him and it's been 4 years! I would say placing your trust in the other person is something that people in long distance relationships have to do. As long as you still keep common interests and keep it alive by talking, that's what keeps it going.

We still text everyday and we call eachother sometimes. Then I give him time to do his own thing for a while aswell, so we don't run out of things to talk about. We also usually schedule to see eachother around every month inbetween seeing eachother for the weekend or a long weekend. We used to use MSN a whole lot in the beginning, but now it's mainly texting, phone calls and facebook.

Of course it's possible.

I've not lived in a different country to a partner before, but I have had a long-distance relationship - my ex Warren lived 240 miles away, not a massive distance but tough when I don't drive and I worked rolling shifts so even when he could drive up for the weekend I'd often be working. The relationship worked fine, that is until we started moving me down to live with him and I got scared about moving to a new place where I knew no one and had no job - I think in long-term relationships you've got to know it's going somewhere and keep that goal in mind.

- Is it possible to be very attracted to someone but living each one in different countries?

Yes. But not just attracted - falling utterly in love can occur.

- If you have already experienced, or if you live actually, this kind of situation, I would be very interested in your point of view!

Patience breeds more love. I am patient, I am kind, I am understanding, and what helps is that she is pretty much 100% the same as I am in every way, including how quickly we think, what we think of at the exact same moments, and.. well, we could be identical twins for everything we've got in common! Except we're not twins, thankfully. Anyways, if you can endure the wait 'til the next time you can talk to her (Especially when things come up or internet is shut down or all of those things and more), which can take weeks, maybe much more, and grow better because of it, I think you've got it made. I have come to terms with the times I can't talk to her, and yet she is still a big part of my life, both in every-day activities and otherwise, because I think of her and what she would do and would she approve and.... You get the idea.

- Do you use Skype? Any other IM softwares? Phone? eMails?...

All of'm, though Phone is the least common due to cost. IM software, yes - if it includes Facebook. If not, then no. But Skype is amazing, and so are emails, at least to me. I love receiving long emails from her almost as much as I enjoy talking with her face-to-face on Skype.

More generally, what do you think about distant relationship?

They are possible. In fact, if everyone in the world was matched up with the person that they'd be perfectly matched for, I'm pretty sure more than half of the matches would be over 100 miles away from each other, probably closer to over 500. It's easier to find people like you or people who you'd be good with when you have a much wider, broader network to explore. Even then, I found mine on WP, just showing how coincidences can also change someone's life.

Thank you for posing these questions!

We'd Skype every night and text. We'd also visit each other when we could via Greyhound.

To be honest, long distance relationships depend on your long term goals and needs. You would need to have a lot of patience and tolerance to be in one and circumstances can change depending on situation so I wouldn't put all of your hope into a long term relationship.

I've been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years (I live in England and he lives in South Carolina in the USA), and we still haven't met face to face because neither of us can afford plane tickets (hopefully that will change soon, we're both looking for jobs). We use msn and email to keep in contact, and occasionally go on webcam together. I think two things that've made our relationship work so well are:
1. We're both completely committed to making it work because we love each other and care about each other very much.
2. Neither of us places much importance on physical contact, so we don't feel like we're missing out on anything vital to our relationship.

Yes, of course.



I had a "relationship" on the Web with somebody a very long way away, and we never even met. It was quite intense....mostly we used ordinary emails, and that took up all the spare time I had, such was the volume of talk we exchanged. IM really seemed to step things up between us even further, on account of it being so immediate. We would have gone on to Skype, but some problems developed between us and I was wary of getting involved any deeper, of being somehow engulfed, so I didn't do that.

The problems we got were much the same as "local" relationship problems - we were both uncomfortable with the other hanging about too much with the opposite sex, and I thought I could detect one or two psychological games going down in that respect. And I guess potential sexual rivals are harder to feel comfy about if you're not even there to see for yourself what's going on. There's a fear around that estranged partners are more likely to be unfaithful....it would seem plausible, given the greater opportunity and the loneliness. The mere awareness of that increased risk doesn't help anything........and I find that remarkably few people can handle such anxieties or reassure properly. I've had weird, nebulous jealous tirades about their fears, and when I've admitted being scared myself of other guys hanging arund them too much, the replies have been hopeless. Of course that's mostly because of the individual's personality, but you stand a better chance of resolving it if you're in the same room at the time.

We were also worried about what would happen if we met and found out that the chemistry between us didn't work.....we tried to get round that by sending photos, sound recordings, etc., but until you're face to face, you can't really know how you're going to feel.

I've also spent many years in relationships with women who live in the UK but not in my town........relationships built on weekend visits, letters and phone calls. I guess these days it would be a lot easier and cheaper to keep in touch. But the whole thing really sucked. Apart from having lots of time to socially decompress after a visit, there were no advantages I noticed.

Every visit had a fraught feeling to it as we tried to satisfy the longing that had built up over the time we'd been apart.....it should have been a special occasion with loads of quality time, but people have real lives that get in the way of that, and before you know where you are, the visit is over and you've barely been together. If you have an argument while living together, you can just get away from each other for a while to cool off, but on a visit, you could be throwing away half the weekend if you try to do that. So you can never really relax and treat each other like you could if you weren't living far apart.

Letters were a great way of keeping in touch, but we got into a lot of misunderstandings with them...it was too easy to offend or scare the other person with ill-chosen words........in real life the listener could maybe have cut in and cleared up the problem immediately, but with letters, you could rant on for a page or two with no idea how much it would upset them to read it. Letters aren't a great way to solve arguments...they often seem to make them worse. It's a lot better now there's emails and IM and Skype.

I'm sure it's quite possible to keep up a distant relationship for while, if the couple are genuine and not too screwed up. Sometimes a parent has to work overseas......they can do a lot to keep in touch with their kids. Same with partners, it can be done. Just that in my case I'm sick of it. So sick of it that when I found a local partner we immediately lived in each other's pockets from the start. That was also stupid of me, but I'd rather do it again than go back to years of saving a place for somebody who isn't even there for me most of the time.

Hello everyone!

I am very pleased to read all your answers, experiences and ideas! I didn't expected that! Thanks a lot!! !
I can't quote everybody but I would like to thank:

ThoughDiamond: for his very interesting experiences, pros and cons for a long term "distant relationship",
Squirsh: for explaining clearly why it could work well,
Wolfheart: for his caution,
Kinme: for the ideas of using Skype and texts,
And last but not least, ArtemisHolmes (I love your nickname by the way!), BloodHeart and Night_Shad917 for their very interesting and instructive experiences!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH GUYS! That is very helpful!! !!
Do not hesitate to continue this topic! I note every details!

Ho! By the way, I guess you are right about letters and texts. I know that I am able to misunderstand sentences I read. So, IM or Skype or phone are more suitable!

Hmmmm!

Do you really want to know what I think?

Je'pense que tout est possible avec tu. Tu et moi sont invincibles, n'est ce pas? Qui... je pense... et tu? Qu'en pensez'tu?

I had one guy I had dated for 3 years and he had to move back to his home country for 6 months.

It's possible. There was a lot of texting, IMing and skyping involved. Being apart was difficult for both of us but it certainly didn't damage the relationship at all although we both missed each other a lot.

I'm not sure about something where you haven't met at all, I have no experience there.

Yes Bloom, I REALLY WANT to know what you think!! !
Je pense que beaucoup de "choses" sont possibles, oui
We'll see

That's a good news!



I think I understand...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION Kjas!! ! It helps!

I remember asking something similar but don't worry about it.
Generally the answers there are very much the same here saying that it is possible to date long distance.
It would be rather platonic though if it was to be fully commited.

Choses! Ha! L'amour n'est pas une chose ... c'est une expérience!

Tu avez une expérience! <3

You're absolutely right, VERY GOOD POINT dear Bloom!! !