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Tamsin
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02 Jun 2012, 7:52 pm

So there is this guy at my school that I like. He is really cute and I think I have a crush on him, though I've never had a crush on anybody before so I'm still not sure, but my heart beats fast sometimes when I think of him, and I think of him a lot.

A few weeks ago I made the mistake of telling his best friend, guy B, that I think this guy, guy A, is cute, and guy B reassured me he wouldn't tell anybody. Then the next day guy B tells me he told guy A that I thought he was cute, but guy A supposedly says he's not interested (which I don't totally believe because guy B has a huge crush on me and keeps asking me out on dates, so I wouldn't put it past him to lie). Later I pulled guy A aside and tried to explain a few things. For over a month after that we didn't talk because we were so busy and I felt really awkward, but last week guy A kind of broke the ice and talked to me for a few seconds and now we joke around every so often and it's nice to be able to talk to him and have him talk to me.

Then there are all the other guys in the school, of which about 70 have huge crushes on me, which is making things awkward to say the least. I've made it abundantly clear that I'm not interested, but they either can't take a hint or they don't care how I feel. :shrug: It's funny when I will have random teachers talk to me in the hallway and then they mention that all of their male students are in love with me, but it's also annoying because it's really interfering with my "relationship" with guy A as every time I talk to him there are always other guys hovering in the background, eavesdropping, which makes both of us uncomfortable. I also have a friend who know I like guy A and keeps trying to do things to get us together. Like if I sit on one side of her and guy A sits on the other side, she will move so we are right next to each other, but nothing has come of her help. Yet.

That is my very complicated and confusing love life in a nutshell. I'm wondering if anybody has any suggestions on what I should do about guy A and guy B? I actually get along well with both of them and feel the most comfortable around them, but guy B keeps flirting with me even though I've repeatedly told him not too. But, with guy A, I really want to be more than friends with him. I'm not necessarily talking marriage here, but I would love to go on a date with him, just the two of us, and it would be nice if we could hang out and talk more, but I'm nervous about him thinking I'm pushing too hard and crowding him. He's all ready said his life is too complicated right now for a relationship, so I want to give him space, but he is the one who started talking to me, so that must mean he doesn't dislike me, doesn't it? And when I tease him he teases me back, so it's not like he doesn't reciprocate. I'm just confused because I've never had a boyfriend before, so I don't know what to do!



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02 Jun 2012, 10:23 pm

Tamsin wrote:
So there is this guy at my school that I like. He is really cute and I think I have a crush on him, though I've never had a crush on anybody before so I'm still not sure, but my heart beats fast sometimes when I think of him, and I think of him a lot.

A few weeks ago I made the mistake of telling his best friend, guy B, that I think this guy, guy A, is cute, and guy B reassured me he wouldn't tell anybody. Then the next day guy B tells me he told guy A that I thought he was cute, but guy A supposedly says he's not interested (which I don't totally believe because guy B has a huge crush on me and keeps asking me out on dates, so I wouldn't put it past him to lie). Later I pulled guy A aside and tried to explain a few things. For over a month after that we didn't talk because we were so busy and I felt really awkward, but last week guy A kind of broke the ice and talked to me for a few seconds and now we joke around every so often and it's nice to be able to talk to him and have him talk to me.

Then there are all the other guys in the school, of which about 70 have huge crushes on me, which is making things awkward to say the least. I've made it abundantly clear that I'm not interested, but they either can't take a hint or they don't care how I feel. :shrug: It's funny when I will have random teachers talk to me in the hallway and then they mention that all of their male students are in love with me, but it's also annoying because it's really interfering with my "relationship" with guy A as every time I talk to him there are always other guys hovering in the background, eavesdropping, which makes both of us uncomfortable. I also have a friend who know I like guy A and keeps trying to do things to get us together. Like if I sit on one side of her and guy A sits on the other side, she will move so we are right next to each other, but nothing has come of her help. Yet.

That is my very complicated and confusing love life in a nutshell. I'm wondering if anybody has any suggestions on what I should do about guy A and guy B? I actually get along well with both of them and feel the most comfortable around them, but guy B keeps flirting with me even though I've repeatedly told him not too. But, with guy A, I really want to be more than friends with him. I'm not necessarily talking marriage here, but I would love to go on a date with him, just the two of us, and it would be nice if we could hang out and talk more, but I'm nervous about him thinking I'm pushing too hard and crowding him. He's all ready said his life is too complicated right now for a relationship, so I want to give him space, but he is the one who started talking to me, so that must mean he doesn't dislike me, doesn't it? And when I tease him he teases me back, so it's not like he doesn't reciprocate. I'm just confused because I've never had a boyfriend before, so I don't know what to do!


To begin with, a vast majority of men, both NT as well as AS, cannot read hints - period. That means that women need to be up front with them from the start. One thing I love about my wife, and respect about her, is that she states it plain as to how she feels and where she is at. If you want to be respected by men in general, speaking plainly with no hints is a great way to earn it.

Now, let's start off with Guy A: Take things slowly and day by day. If you want to talk with Guy A alone, you may need to go somewhere where you can get some privacy. Maybe yours or his house. The other thing is that you and Guy A need to set some boundries. There are times where 3 is a crowd. Don't be afraid to say it. Teenagers aren't that enlightened when it comes to social graces. That's why high school, excluding the few dates I had, was a social waste for me. I hated dealing with the Nekulturny (Russian for uncultured).

Guy B has a problem. He thinks with his little head and not his big one, which is typical of a teenage boy and hard for any teenage boy to control. Imagine thinking about sex once every three seconds - this is what it's like for boys your age. And because he's hooked on you it's going to be hard for him to lose all hope. You need to lay it straight that while you enjoy his friendship, it will never go any further and he should start looking for other prospects. Yeah, it's going to hurt him, but in the end he'll respect you for it because you stated it plainly with no hinting - thus avoiding further pain later on.

I hope this helps.

Longshanks


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02 Jun 2012, 11:24 pm

Tamsin wrote:
He's all ready said his life is too complicated right now for a relationship, so I want to give him space, but he is the one who started talking to me, so that must mean he doesn't dislike me, doesn't it? And when I tease him he teases me back, so it's not like he doesn't reciprocate. I'm just confused because I've never had a boyfriend before, so I don't know what to do!


I think he likes you, probably. But I think in his eyes you have way too much leverage, with 70 guys chasing you, its intimidating, if he doesn't measure up or if he displeases you or if there's a disagreement that you don't want to compromise on, you can easily just drop him and find someone else. Imbalances of power like that are hard.

That's probably what he sees as his better judgement. But seems like he capitulates a little. If you're of age, well, you could try alcohol :lol:



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04 Jun 2012, 9:45 pm

Longshanks wrote:
[To begin with, a vast majority of men, both NT as well as AS, cannot read hints - period. That means that women need to be up front with them from the start. One thing I love about my wife, and respect about her, is that she states it plain as to how she feels and where she is at. If you want to be respected by men in general, speaking plainly with no hints is a great way to earn it.

Now, let's start off with Guy A: Take things slowly and day by day. If you want to talk with Guy A alone, you may need to go somewhere where you can get some privacy. Maybe yours or his house. The other thing is that you and Guy A need to set some boundries. There are times where 3 is a crowd. Don't be afraid to say it. Teenagers aren't that enlightened when it comes to social graces. That's why high school, excluding the few dates I had, was a social waste for me. I hated dealing with the Nekulturny (Russian for uncultured).

Guy B has a problem. He thinks with his little head and not his big one, which is typical of a teenage boy and hard for any teenage boy to control. Imagine thinking about sex once every three seconds - this is what it's like for boys your age. And because he's hooked on you it's going to be hard for him to lose all hope. You need to lay it straight that while you enjoy his friendship, it will never go any further and he should start looking for other prospects. Yeah, it's going to hurt him, but in the end he'll respect you for it because you stated it plainly with no hinting - thus avoiding further pain later on.

I hope this helps.

Longshanks


1. Actually we are all in college, not high school, though with the way some guys act around here it's pretty hard to tell.

2. Since Guy A and myself both live on campus going to each others houses would be difficult and neither of us are allowed in the other room, for obvious reasons.

3. Being upfront with people is one of the hardest things I have ever tried, but if it helps I would be willing to work on it.

4. Most of the guys here think with their little head, I think because they feel like they should get married to fit in to society, so anything even remotely attractive will be relentlessly pursued, even if that remotely attractive thing doesn't appreciate it.

Sorry for the confusion too. Guess I should have been more specific in my previous post, but I do appreciated the sincere answers.



Last edited by Tamsin on 04 Jun 2012, 9:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tamsin
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04 Jun 2012, 9:49 pm

edgewaters wrote:
I think he likes you, probably. But I think in his eyes you have way too much leverage, with 70 guys chasing you, its intimidating, if he doesn't measure up or if he displeases you or if there's a disagreement that you don't want to compromise on, you can easily just drop him and find someone else. Imbalances of power like that are hard.

That's probably what he sees as his better judgement. But seems like he capitulates a little. If you're of age, well, you could try alcohol :lol:



While I'm not disagreeing with what you are saying, trust me when I say that those guys are not very intimidating. And I doubt they really like me. Most of them will fall in "love" with anything resembling a woman, so they aren't picky. They are desperate is what they are. But Guy A isn't.



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04 Jun 2012, 11:14 pm

Longshanks wrote:
Tamsin wrote:
So there is this guy at my school that I like. He is really cute and I think I have a crush on him, though I've never had a crush on anybody before so I'm still not sure, but my heart beats fast sometimes when I think of him, and I think of him a lot.

A few weeks ago I made the mistake of telling his best friend, guy B, that I think this guy, guy A, is cute, and guy B reassured me he wouldn't tell anybody. Then the next day guy B tells me he told guy A that I thought he was cute, but guy A supposedly says he's not interested (which I don't totally believe because guy B has a huge crush on me and keeps asking me out on dates, so I wouldn't put it past him to lie). Later I pulled guy A aside and tried to explain a few things. For over a month after that we didn't talk because we were so busy and I felt really awkward, but last week guy A kind of broke the ice and talked to me for a few seconds and now we joke around every so often and it's nice to be able to talk to him and have him talk to me.

Then there are all the other guys in the school, of which about 70 have huge crushes on me, which is making things awkward to say the least. I've made it abundantly clear that I'm not interested, but they either can't take a hint or they don't care how I feel. :shrug: It's funny when I will have random teachers talk to me in the hallway and then they mention that all of their male students are in love with me, but it's also annoying because it's really interfering with my "relationship" with guy A as every time I talk to him there are always other guys hovering in the background, eavesdropping, which makes both of us uncomfortable. I also have a friend who know I like guy A and keeps trying to do things to get us together. Like if I sit on one side of her and guy A sits on the other side, she will move so we are right next to each other, but nothing has come of her help. Yet.

That is my very complicated and confusing love life in a nutshell. I'm wondering if anybody has any suggestions on what I should do about guy A and guy B? I actually get along well with both of them and feel the most comfortable around them, but guy B keeps flirting with me even though I've repeatedly told him not too. But, with guy A, I really want to be more than friends with him. I'm not necessarily talking marriage here, but I would love to go on a date with him, just the two of us, and it would be nice if we could hang out and talk more, but I'm nervous about him thinking I'm pushing too hard and crowding him. He's all ready said his life is too complicated right now for a relationship, so I want to give him space, but he is the one who started talking to me, so that must mean he doesn't dislike me, doesn't it? And when I tease him he teases me back, so it's not like he doesn't reciprocate. I'm just confused because I've never had a boyfriend before, so I don't know what to do!


To begin with, a vast majority of men, both NT as well as AS, cannot read hints - period. That means that women need to be up front with them from the start. One thing I love about my wife, and respect about her, is that she states it plain as to how she feels and where she is at. If you want to be respected by men in general, speaking plainly with no hints is a great way to earn it.

Now, let's start off with Guy A: Take things slowly and day by day. If you want to talk with Guy A alone, you may need to go somewhere where you can get some privacy. Maybe yours or his house. The other thing is that you and Guy A need to set some boundries. There are times where 3 is a crowd. Don't be afraid to say it. Teenagers aren't that enlightened when it comes to social graces. That's why high school, excluding the few dates I had, was a social waste for me. I hated dealing with the Nekulturny (Russian for uncultured).

Guy B has a problem. He thinks with his little head and not his big one, which is typical of a teenage boy and hard for any teenage boy to control. Imagine thinking about sex once every three seconds - this is what it's like for boys your age. And because he's hooked on you it's going to be hard for him to lose all hope. You need to lay it straight that while you enjoy his friendship, it will never go any further and he should start looking for other prospects. Yeah, it's going to hurt him, but in the end he'll respect you for it because you stated it plainly with no hinting - thus avoiding further pain later on.

I hope this helps.

Longshanks


This is the truth and you should listen, I was about to write more or less the exact same thing!

Now that you arnt i high school really doesnt change that much, About the intimidatin thing, it takes a guy with some serious backbone to not get intimidated at all :) seriously! most guys just get it, even though they would never actually admit to it.
I would go with asking him on an actual date, I love when girls wants to go out it gives you a self-esteem boost and makes things easier for you, because you know that she likes you :)
Also in my personal opinion some rules are here to be broken and I enjoy breaking them :P


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Tamsin
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05 Jun 2012, 2:36 pm

HD3H wrote:

Now that you arnt i high school really doesnt change that much, About the intimidatin thing, it takes a guy with some serious backbone to not get intimidated at all :) seriously! most guys just get it, even though they would never actually admit to it.
I would go with asking him on an actual date, I love when girls wants to go out it gives you a self-esteem boost and makes things easier for you, because you know that she likes you :)
Also in my personal opinion some rules are here to be broken and I enjoy breaking them :P



Actually we went to a concert in April and it was very nice because we could talk without other students over hearing.

What you are saying about intimidation is very valid, but I have no control over it. Guy A knows I like him (I accidentally told Guy B who told Guy A, blah, blah, blah) and that I'm not interested in any of the other guys, so he already knows that I like him, which makes it even more exciting that he actually started talking to me first. That means he isn't too creeped out or anything, right? But I can't control how all the other guys here feel. I can tell them that I'm not interested, and I have told several, but that won't change their minds in the slightest. So am I supposed to suffer because they can't accept that I'm not in love with them?



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05 Jun 2012, 3:48 pm

I don't get that you say that 70 percent are attracted to you and make advances to you but the one guy doesn't. If it's so easy to get the other's attention why is this guy not pursuing you also? Is he older than the others? I wouldn't worry about guy B you've told him who your interested in and that's all you can do, just don't let him know his comments aggravate you and he'll eventually tire.



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05 Jun 2012, 4:22 pm

Tamsin wrote:
Guy A knows I like him (I accidentally told Guy B who told Guy A, blah, blah, blah) and that I'm not interested in any of the other guys, so he already knows that I like him, which makes it even more exciting that he actually started talking to me first. That means he isn't too creeped out or anything, right?


I just cannot imagine someone who was creeped out by someone's interest in them, deciding to start up regular, friendly conversation with that person, where none existed before. People just don't do that. I think he just wants to get to know you first, see what spending time with you is like, before making any sort of decision.



Tamsin
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05 Jun 2012, 5:57 pm

curlyfry wrote:
I don't get that you say that 70 percent are attracted to you and make advances to you but the one guy doesn't. If it's so easy to get the other's attention why is this guy not pursuing you also? Is he older than the others? I wouldn't worry about guy B you've told him who your interested in and that's all you can do, just don't let him know his comments aggravate you and he'll eventually tire.



It's not like I'm doing things to get their attention. I just walk by and they stare. Most of the students at my school are males, so all their attention immediately goes to the girls. The guy that I like said his life is "complicated" right now and he doesn't want to add more stress to his load, which makes total sense to me. I know he has a lot of family problems and he told me he isn't interested in a relationship, beyond friendship. At least at this time. And I get it. Honestly I do. I just want to be there for him. Not for my own personal gain, like a look-at-how-nice-I-am kinda thing. I genuinely want to be there to help and support him.