Staying Happy / Stress-Free in AS-AS or Relationship

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Hi

Setting this thread up as I am in an AS-AS relationship and felt it would be a good idea for users to list things that helps them in AS-AS relationships. It's no secret we have difficulty coping with things (even the things that make us happiest!), so hoping this will help others stay happy and stay frosty.

Here's a few of my own tips to get you started:
-Keep those texts, emails that make you smile and don't make you ask questions. Delete the ones that make you sad and do.
-Avoid sending messages that have texts which could protray multiple meanings.
-This is for people in any type of relationship with retention difficulties - Write important things down you'd forget about your significant other (dates, plans, appointments, birthday, presents, likes/dislikes etc.). Put this somewhere safe and remove the things you remember to a tee. Would not show your partner this, it might freak them out
-Always validate your partner's decisions and feelings you like or agree with, and be patient with the ones you don't. Be as clear as you feel you can be.
-Avoid saying witty things to impress if you are not good at it and just be simple and positive instead. If you are witty, make sure you know if your partner will understand your jokes or take them the wrong way.
-Find out their boundaries by asking, then talk about your boundaries afterwards. Don't overdo it, just keep it brief and light hearted!

I think one good thing to note is that relationships come with good and bad. You can do your best to avoid the little things that irritate your partner, but at the end of the day, that little bit of negativity might be that healthy dose to keep things from going too far in one direction. What you can do, though, is to make sure the negativity in the relationship isn't caused by the same thing every time. From that angle, I love what you have, JanuaryMan, and would want to add one more thing to it: make sure you and/or your partner talk about the things that make you meltdown/shutdown, with as much detail as you can. You wouldn't want negativity to spiral to a point where one or both partners are rendered incapable of communication for the period of time that it's needed most.

Thanks, Composer.

It's true, there is bound to be negativity. And it's better not to fear it happening or what will result from it. Instead, as you say, discuss your ups / downs, weaknesses / strengths and loves / hates early on.

If there IS negativity and there is nothing you need to say, or it would get worse if you say something even if it's nice, then don't say anything. Just "okay" the situation and let the other person "aspie out" for a bit until they are ok to talk again. Talk about something else next time, and come back to that topic later if it's urgent.

I'm not in an AS/AS relationship, but I'm in an NT/AS relationship. I think what I'm about to mention is very important to any relationship though.

- Never take anything your partner does for you for granted and appreciate everything your partner does for you and what they do/say that makes you feel happy and loved. Always treasure the times you get to be together.

- Also, sharing interests can help you both bond together and keep common ground with eachother

I'd put it even stronger than that. I would say that any couple (or any group) with no shared interest or common purpose, will not be together very long. Sharing is vital IMHO.

Realize that neither of you will always understand each other's tone of voice, body language, and so on. It can be difficult to figure it out, so just ask and clear things up rather than make assumptions.