Misinterpreting?

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So I'm 19 male with diagnosed AS and I met this wonderful girl about a month ago and am not sure what to do... I can't get her off of my mind which is obsessive and a distinct AS trait. We've only hung out a few times the last time was all day which is where the second part of my confusion comes into play. She has AS too and I may be misreading whether she is into me or not... First the fact that we were all alone, second she said she feels comfortable around me, she kept getting closer and telling me more personal things as the day progressed, and when I left she hugged me. Am I misreading all this? Or is she actually into me?

Also if she is when should I tell her about my feelings? Is it okay to do so after a short period of time like this? Is it real or just my obsessiveness? And finally, how should I tell her?

I'd really appreciate if some fellow aspies could help me out on this... She's the nicest girl I've ever met and we have a lot in common (aside from just AS)

i wouldn't say, "i love you," at this early date, but you could say things like you enjoy spending time with her and would like to see more of her.

What cathylynn said. Just tell her you really enjoy her company. Try not to overthink it - that's a problem I run into a lot, and I end up acting strange as a result, but that's more social anxiety than anything. Try not to get into the "what-ifs".

As for whether or not it's real or just your obsessiveness... if you really like spending time with her, that's real. You are the only judge of that. It's also pretty typical for someone to think about someone all the time when they are crushing hard on someone. There is no special formula to know for sure - the only way anyone in your situation would know is to keep on keepin' on!

Good luck, my friend! Sounds like you have a good thing going!

Ahhh... young love. Takes me back (okay I'm not that old... gawrsh.)...
Anyway I agree with cathylynn on this one... a little too early to drop the love bomb at the moment.
Stick to just enjoying the moments you have with each other.
However... if I was in your shoes, I'd see that as a green light for a relationship...
I wouldn't say your far away though... just have another two or three "dates/get togethers" before going into Romeo Mode.

Of course by dates and get togethers... I mean some kind of activity you both like...
Plus they can't just be done and then ask her out 4 days after today.

I wasn't going to say "I love you" yet. That takes a while to get to know someone and see if they truly are someone you love or not. I was just wondering at what point I could say something like "i really like you, is there any way you feel the same and would like to be more than just friends" like a couple months? Weeks? (with a lot of getting together in-between.) thanks for the advice guys!

You said she was getting closer to you. Does that mean she was leaning in/towards you? Have the two of you kissed yet?

She wasn't leaning in, just sitting closer to me. It started to where she sat about 2 feet from me but over time it was mere inches. No we have not kissed yet. It seems a bit soon since we've only known each other for a short time and I don't know whether she really likes physical interactions or not. I assume she does since she hugged me but maybe that was something she thought that it was only socially acceptable. I think I'll give it a month or two before I tell her how I feel, all the while getting to know her better.

How do you tell an AS girl how you feel?

Never had an AS girl. I guess you could at least ask if you could touch her and see if you can put your arm around her, or hold hands if you want to take things a little slowly. If you feel like waiting a month as well and get to know her too, that is also good. Take things as slow or as fast as you both feel comfortable with.

Would a month or two be too long to tell her and I'd wind up in the "friend zone"?

Yes. Now I am assuming the question you are asking is referring to trying to have a relationship or kiss her. If she is sitting that close to you, she wants you to kiss her (or at least that's my take on it). Now, being that she is also an aspie, you may want to ask her if she wouldn't mind if you kissed her before you do it. That way, you avoid possibly surprising her and scaring her off. As far as I love you goes, 2 months may be too long. Give it 2-3 weeks.

Please note: I have NEVER been able to have a girlfriend or even a second date, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I just know that if you do not act soon she will think you have no interest in her and find someone else. I know this because it's the story of my life.

I'd say 1-3 months is a good time.

Now keep in mind, there are tons of ways to show your interested in the mean time. Saying you love her too soon could back fire but going out, making it clear your going on dates, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, all leading up to the I love you

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. I'll keep these in mind when I see her next weekend. (she lives about an hour and a half away from me, which wouldn't be a problem if not for my parents always thinking I should not be dating... Luckily I'll be going to a college closer to her so it won't be an issue of "when can I see her?")

Hi! I'm a girl with AS. Just a bit of advice - when you tell her how you feel, or you ask her to do something as a date, make sure that you make this clear to her. If you just hang around her hoping she'll notice you're interested, she might pick up on it, she might not. Even if she feels the same way, she might be wondering if she's misinterpreting YOUR signals. I personally seem to have developed a habit of dating guys without knowing I'm going on dates with them.

They assume I'm reading their subtleties, I figure if they like me they would have bluntly told me so. I realize that that's not how most NT people work, but hey, I can dream. It took my boyfriend a good 2.5 months to try to start dating me, not because he wasn't trying to, but because I had no idea he was trying to date me until he grabbed me and kissed me. His intentions were, uh, pretty obvious then. Thankfully I WAS interested, lol.

It was funny because he was sort of familiar with AS, but didn't know I had it at that point. He told me later that if he knew I wasn't picking up on anything, he would have been way more obvious about being interested.

So...getting to know her over the next month or so is a good idea. In the meantime, just don't be vague about wanting to date her. I hope it works out!!

I'm Actually feeling a bit depressed right mow because of this... I don't think she will have any interest in me and I can tell you exactly why... Or why any girl for that matter wouldn't. My therapies (who specializes with aspies) says I just need to really take it slow and that it's less about me finding the right person than just wanting a girlfriend. Which may be true... I WAS happier when I used to have a girlfriend... I was just hoping that she would want me too and that it would all work out and then I would no longer have to worry about being all alone... Especially since she has AS she may understand my problems better... But what's the point if everyone around me is saying to stop pursuing her so much... What's the point if I'm probably going to end up alone anyways? I don't see any girls really showing interest. Just her, and I think she doesn't even really other than just being friends... I feel like I'm screwed. And that there's not much hope for guys like me.

These things aren't going to solve your situation or make all of the problems go away, but try to keep them in mind:

1. Who says you're going to end up alone? That's not something worth stressing over. Do you know anyone who can predict the future? I don't. Life is strange, and unexpected things happen every day.

2. Let's say you want to date a girl, get into a serious relationship with her, and one day you hope to get married. With this in mind, statistically, most girls you meet are "the wrong person".

3. Trust me, no relationship > a bad relationship. When you meet a girl you like, what is it you like about her? Is it that she's a female who you think will date you and understand you or is it because you are drawn to her as a person? The first one's a logical thought process; the second is emotional. If a girl is drawn to you emotionally, you won't have to 'convince' her to date you. That is definitely worth waiting for.

4. If someone doesn't want to date you, there's a good chance it has nothing to do with the way you act, look, or dress. I, for example, have several male friends who I find attractive, funny, smart, and fun to be around. But I would never be attracted to them in the sense that I'd like to date them.

5. You're young, and you seem like a smart, interesting guy who obviously thinks about the consequences of his actions. I know this sounds like generic advice, but the less you worry about dating, the easier it becomes. I suck at dating. The more I analyze it, the more I feel like I'm going insane. Thankfully I haven't had to worry about it since I met my boyfriend.

6. You can't force things to work out, try to stop stressing over what you have no control over. Much easier said that done, I know. But I guarantee you that probably 99% of humanity, not just aspies, feel the exact way you're feeling at some point. Clearly most of them don't end up alone.