Wanting to meet new people

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Hi there, 23, been single for about 4 year's now partly by choice, had a series of very badly ending relationships early on and have never felt the same about trying again since. Recently I met another aspie who had just come out of a 2+ year relationship, we got pretty close but thing's fell apart, she freaked out and went back to her ex and left me standing here like a pleb wondering what the hell just happened.

My problem though is I've never felt such understanding between two people so quickly, I'm starting to believe this is the aspie or autistic connection we have between ourselves, normal people just don't understand us and we deffinetely understand ourselves and other's like us, the connection is uncanny.

Recently I have met a lot of other aspies and on spectrum folk and honestly it's severely freaked me out in term's of how quickly I've become close to these groups and accepted into them, I want to meet more people like this who are my own age and I can communicate with.

On that note, I'm opening a thread to say Hi to you all and start some chats!

Yeah I do think we accept far too easily without thinking or knowing much about the person with additional needs but we bring them with us because somehow it feels like a big family looking over your shoulder.
It's like a pat on the back to keep going for each day that passes.

I think a lot of it is because we're able to give unconditional kindness, a lot of us are naive to the evil's of the world and don't often see when someone is trying to lead us astray or do us over, I certainly know that the aspie females I've met are often drawn from place to place by other's command.

Personally within aspie groups I've never seen the advantage taking, it's like we're without ego in those situations

I think a lot of it is because we're able to give unconditional kindness, a lot of us are naive to the evil's of the world and don't often see when someone is trying to lead us astray or do us over, I certainly know that the aspie females I've met are often drawn from place to place by other's command.

Personally within aspie groups I've never seen the advantage taking, it's like we're without ego in those situations

I think this is true as well. I don't really know how to explain it, but I think part of it comes from HOW Aspies socially interact. When humans interact socially, they do so partially on an inherited, instinctual level. Aspies lack the necessary instinct to do the same, however, so when they interact socially they do so on a completely cognitive level.

Because of this, we tend to analyze social situations from a completely logical, cognitive standpoint. Not to say we don't have emotions, but they don't interfere as much when it comes to deciphering a persons true intentions. Normal people know how to lie from a social aspect. They have the ability to manipulate others by reading them and playing on their motivations and desires. Aspies can't do that. We are not manipulators, because we lack the subconscious ability to manipulate others. As a result, we can be honest with ourselves and with others.

How shall I put it... it's not that Aspies CAN'T be dishonest. We just don't really see why we would need to lie. When you think about it, all neurotypical humans, even those who value honesty as a moral trait, lie every now and then in the course of their daily lives. They're not doing it because they have ill intentions, at least not all of the time. Sometimes people will lie to one another to protect them, to save a friendship, etc. While in the end the lie may do more harm than good, the person lied because they wanted to keep the other from being hurt. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" - that's how I see it.

Aspies, on the other hand, can be honest to a fault. We don't see why someone would lie in a situation where a lie might be helpful, so we are honest, to the point of bluntness. Prime example, the "does this dress make me look fat" trap. Most guys see this coming and tell their partner what they want to hear - that they're beautiful - which is the point. We aspies, however, stick to honesty, which tends to trigger the trap and we end up in the doghouse. However, we aren't doing it on purpose. We don't see that the girl is needing a self-esteem boost, so we interpret the question as literal rather than rhetorical, and answer accordingly.

Anyways, it's hard to explain WHY aspies are more honest, but the fact of the matter is an honest person is also a trusting person. Most people only trust others if they have a reason to. For aspies, however, we trust people until they give us a reason NOT to. After all, if we are honest with ourselves and others, then other will be honest with us. Right?

Unfortunately, no. Because we are honest and do not manipulate others, we fail to see when WE are the ones being manipulated. It's a Pinnochio like situation where the puppet can't tell they're on a string, but the puppet-master can.

Now here's my take on this. Yes, a majority of aspie-nt relationships fail because the aspie is too trusting. He (or she) gets drawn in by a manipulative partner. I mean, if a controlling and manipulative person were in a relationship with another controlling and manipulative person, it'd be obvious pretty quick what they were trying to do to each other, so they seek out honest, idealistic people - like aspies - with whom they can assert their control over. This is a disadvantage in a case such as this.

However, this is a small but significant advantage to being this way. Aspie or not, a person who is honest with everyone and trusts everyone to be honest with him/her is at significant risk of being dominated by a controlling partner in a relationship. These kinds of relationships never last long, and in the few cases that they do, they pose a significant risk to one's mental and emotional health. But there is a bright side. Yes, we as aspies risk being emotionally ruined by a manipulative partner who only wishes to use us for his/her purposes. But, on the off chance that we encounter a partner who shares the same idealistic values of honestly - whether aspie or NT - the stage is set for a long, happy, and emotionally fulfilling relationship.

I can speak from personal experience. I was in love with my ex-gf up until she left town. After we were physically separated, things began to fall apart. As it turns out, I believe that, even if she TRULY loved me, she was still hiding things from me, and using me as both a crutch for her emotional problems and an outlet for her sexual frustration. (The latter I didn't really mind, but that's mostly why things ended when she moved, since she was unable to invite me over and screw me twice a week.) As it was, our breakup left scars. Some are permanent to this day, while others only completely healed during the advent of my relationship with Trish, my current GF.

Trish, however, is a different story. She was honest with me from the start and remains to this day. She's honest enough that she will say things that are true even if they may hurt my feelings, especially if they're things that I need to hear but would rather not. She also loves me for MY honesty. She complained once that I had zero tact, but then told me she'd rather have someone who's tactless but honest, as opposed to a smooth liar. She's willing to tell me when she's not in the mood to spend time together - not because she wants me to go away, but that she's afraid that she will say something out of anger or stress that will hurt me or damage our relationship, and she'd rather not talk to me at all as opposed to getting upset and saying hurtful things.

She and I trust each other with our feelings, our secrets, and our very lives. She is the first girl I've met that has cared about me with such sincerity, and will probably also be the last, which is why I'm determined to stay by her side for as long as she wants me. I've already decided that I will marry this girl if we're still dating once I get out of college. I know she feels the same way. It's not just her, our mutual friends have assured me that she cares about me dearly, as I do about her. It was Fate that brought us together, and only Fate knows if we will stay this way, but regardless of the outcome, our relationship has had a lasting positive effect on both of us, and even if we separate we will still be changed for the better because of each other. That's what I think anyway.

You're speaking of so many situations I've found myself in, with various people and places, I've felt very much manipulated most of my life, people seem to take advantage of my kindness.

As I mentioned before, I recently just had a thing with an aspie female, it felt very much like an understood connection between us, she'd broken up from a 2+ year relationship a couple of months back and the ex boyfriend was still lingering, he was seeing someone else but, I think he got wind or a hint of me and her and he's seemingly snapped the cord tight and dragged her back, her attitudes towards me changed instantly and the connection collapsed almost instantly.

I'm still worrying about her at the minute, she's in a bad place and has no idea what she want's but refuses to talk to me about any of it or even give me any clues as to what it was. She agreed to be friends with me but didn't want to talk about us at all and for me, I couldn't deal with that, I didn't feel it was fair of her to expect me to be friends with her when she wouldn't give me any closure or even speak to me about any of it.

I know it's because she loves him but I'm getting this ever ammounting frustration about him, I know him personally, not so much as a friend but someone I've known in the past and hung around with, he cheated on one of my best friends because she cheated on him out of unhappiness, he said it was to balance the scales.

I'm at wits end as to what to do about it but at the minute I've just left it and stopped speaking to her, I felt it was easier on myself to just leave it and move on and easier on her if she wanted to try and make thing's with him work but, I'm still so angry about the whole thing, I felt it was going somewhere and I got the obvious impression from her it was too then he snaps his fingers and it all falls apart, it doesn't feel fair.

Am I doing the right thing by leaving her alone? Or should I try to voice my feelings or frustrations, I don't really know what to do about it, it's been nearly two week's since we last talked

I'm not to sure about that. I'm really suspicious of everyone trying to screw me over. I'm a bit paranoid about it. To generalize aspies as naive is an overstatement.

I understand not everyone follows this pattern. I'm not stereotyping, just making generalizations based on my experiences as well as what I know of Asperger's Syndrome and others that have it.

Well we're all different in our own ways, the majority of experiences I've had from my own perspective and that of many of the other aspies I've many, more or less 99% of them behave this way, unless you've learned to change certain aspects which is entirely doable, I know aspies who have changed the way they act and behave because they are now very much aware of the thing's they were doing that put them in the vulnerable position in the first place.

I have myself recently had a similar incident when I got sick of taking crap from a very close friend, realising that they don't actually respect me and I have no reason to trust them.

If you're suspicious of everyone it just sound's like you're a little paranoid in my opinion but that's just me.

I give everyone a chance at first. How they use that chance determines whether they get more chances.