Dating an Aspie vs a NT
JaeDee
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 12 Dec 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Katherine NT Australia
Hello, I am inquiring as I have no experience on Female Aspies, in fact so far I've only met one. and an awesome Person she is
I've got Apergers Syndrome myself, and have always dated NT girls, I've never been content with this, they've been unable to satisfy my mental needs.
how would dating an Aspie be different? as they understand how the condition works.
i'm not wording this very well, as this is a topic very hard for me to bring up.
_________________
ADHD, AS, PTS, and lastly but pointlessly. Asthma
1. i know whose this aimed at 2. im gunna treat u as a normal member of the community...
Try dating her n see what the differences are!! !
Aspie females can be a bit more clingier than the normal, but one on level they can make that connection to the AS male where the NT female cant, or doesnt want to.
But like any AS relationship, boundaries do need to be established to both parties...
JaeDee
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 12 Dec 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Katherine NT Australia
your points are valid, and yeah i know you know who i'm talking of, you know em!
clingy isn't something i've even actually had surrounded by, and its been something i have craved. and i know the connection i make towards a girl i date has always been strong.
and yeah, that last part would be true, all aspies do have parts they can be flexable with, but some parts of us are harder to control. so boundries are needed to safe guard those parts.
any other thoughts on the topic?
_________________
ADHD, AS, PTS, and lastly but pointlessly. Asthma
With no way into Katehrine and out of it telling you to order the book Aspergirl by Rudy Simone is kind of pointless. Theres a lot of stuff an AS male can learn in that book. There is a lot I, as n AS female am learning about myself as n AS female b reading that book.
Boundaries play a good roll because they let each party know whats the limit or line in a relationship, like for example (not personal examples), "no tv after 9pm at night because one likes to have no noise around to study with" or "One doesnt want to see their partner on mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays because of social routines etc"
They also allow for protection as you say, but they also give "direction" which is an extremely important thing for a lot of aspies, especially females who are still new to the topic of AS even if theyve had direction given in tehir life by parents, Direction by a partner is a very important stimuli (that is speaking from experience).
Well some NTs have more aloof personalities which makes them more likely to get along with Aspies. As I said, personality > neurology.
JaeDee
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 12 Dec 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Katherine NT Australia
Well some NTs have more aloof personalities which makes them more likely to get along with Aspies. As I said, personality > neurology.
yeah, the thing is I've dated a lot of NT's in my time, of all kinds of personalities and intelligences. but none of them have been mentally stimulating, emotionally and physically i can be fine, but its the mental stimulation i lack with NT's, i am mentally stimulated by all with Aspergers.
I'm not talking about choosing to only date those on the spectrum. more so enquiring on the differences and if it's worked well for others, and recently the prospect of dating an aspie is a possibility (although it's not entirely my choice they gotta wanna too )a
_________________
ADHD, AS, PTS, and lastly but pointlessly. Asthma
JaeDee
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 12 Dec 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Katherine NT Australia
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,611
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
Aspie females can be a bit more clingier than the normal, but one on level they can make that connection to the AS male where the NT female cant, or doesnt want to.
Based on my limited experience dating an Aspie girl & dating an NT girl & based on things I've read here; that statement is the opposite. Aspie girls like Aspie guys tend to be a lot more withdrawn & need a lot more personal space in relationships than the typical NT. She may shutdown & become withdrawn when she gets upset about something with you instead of discussing it with you or having a fight about it. She may generally be a lot less affectionate than NT girls tend to be & may have a problem with you being clingy or affectionate if you are the more clingy affectionate type & she may also seem hypocritical with that like pushing you away when you do act affectionate or clingy or when you try to be closer with her & then she may become extremely clingy & affectionate with you when you do step back for a bit
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Actually that quote describes how I am in relationships, finding someone like that would actually be an ideal match for me so for me, that's actually a positive. I prefer someone who doesn't require constant affection or reassurance, someone who enjoys spending time following their own pursuits instead of relying on the relationship. To me, that actually says that someone is strong, independent and self sufficient, I seem to meet women who are clingy or possessive and require affection, attention and reassurance. To you however, I would imagine that would be a negative thing, perhaps you and me keep meeting women who are the opposite of what we really need.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,611
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
Actually that quote describes how I am in relationships, finding someone like that would actually be an ideal match for me so for me, that's actually a positive. I prefer someone who doesn't require constant affection or reassurance, someone who enjoys spending time following their own pursuits instead of relying on the relationship. To me, that actually says that someone is strong, independent and self sufficient, I seem to meet women who are clingy or possessive and require affection, attention and reassurance. To you however, I would imagine that would be a negative thing, perhaps you and me keep meeting women who are the opposite of what we really need.
I don't meet that many women. About the only women I talk to lately are on post here on WP. Your welcome to try & set me up if you'd like
Anyways... I would like to stress that no to Aspies are exactly alike just as no two NTs are. There can be major differences between people like how me & Wolfheart have opposite personalities in relationships for example. I think good communication is key with any relationship. Things should be discussed with your partner instead of assuming she will be or not be a certain way. For example ask your partner how she feels about physical affection instead of assuming you need to be affectionate with her like you may with NTs or assuming she won't like it sense she's an Aspie; Aspies can have problems with unexpected physical affection or touch so I would recommended asking 1st if one or both people in the relationship are Aspies even thou asking may feel awkward. BTW I used the word She because the OP was asking about NT girls but this advice can be for Aspie guys as well as NTs in relationships with Aspies
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Actually that quote describes how I am in relationships, finding someone like that would actually be an ideal match for me so for me, that's actually a positive. I prefer someone who doesn't require constant affection or reassurance, someone who enjoys spending time following their own pursuits instead of relying on the relationship. To me, that actually says that someone is strong, independent and self sufficient, I seem to meet women who are clingy or possessive and require affection, attention and reassurance. To you however, I would imagine that would be a negative thing, perhaps you and me keep meeting women who are the opposite of what we really need.
I don't meet that many women. About the only women I talk to lately are on post here on WP. Your welcome to try & set me up if you'd like
Anyways... I would like to stress that no to Aspies are exactly alike just as no two NTs are. There can be major differences between people like how me & Wolfheart have opposite personalities in relationships for example. I think good communication is key with any relationship. Things should be discussed with your partner instead of assuming she will be or not be a certain way. For example ask your partner how she feels about physical affection instead of assuming you need to be affectionate with her like you may with NTs or assuming she won't like it sense she's an Aspie; Aspies can have problems with unexpected physical affection or touch so I would recommended asking 1st if one or both people in the relationship are Aspies even thou asking may feel awkward. BTW I used the word She because the OP was asking about NT girls but this advice can be for Aspie guys as well as NTs in relationships with Aspies
The pathetic thing is reading this forum n knowing whose it about n trying my damn hardest not to take offense...
Though it appears im the type of aspie who seams to be when smothered i lash out and become very hard to cope with as he's finding....
Atleast I think that's the problem....
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,611
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
Actually that quote describes how I am in relationships, finding someone like that would actually be an ideal match for me so for me, that's actually a positive. I prefer someone who doesn't require constant affection or reassurance, someone who enjoys spending time following their own pursuits instead of relying on the relationship. To me, that actually says that someone is strong, independent and self sufficient, I seem to meet women who are clingy or possessive and require affection, attention and reassurance. To you however, I would imagine that would be a negative thing, perhaps you and me keep meeting women who are the opposite of what we really need.
I don't meet that many women. About the only women I talk to lately are on post here on WP. Your welcome to try & set me up if you'd like
Anyways... I would like to stress that no to Aspies are exactly alike just as no two NTs are. There can be major differences between people like how me & Wolfheart have opposite personalities in relationships for example. I think good communication is key with any relationship. Things should be discussed with your partner instead of assuming she will be or not be a certain way. For example ask your partner how she feels about physical affection instead of assuming you need to be affectionate with her like you may with NTs or assuming she won't like it sense she's an Aspie; Aspies can have problems with unexpected physical affection or touch so I would recommended asking 1st if one or both people in the relationship are Aspies even thou asking may feel awkward. BTW I used the word She because the OP was asking about NT girls but this advice can be for Aspie guys as well as NTs in relationships with Aspies
The pathetic thing is reading this forum n knowing whose it about n trying my damn hardest not to take offense...
Though it appears im the type of aspie who seams to be when smothered i lash out and become very hard to cope with as he's finding....
Atleast I think that's the problem....
I was NOT just talking about my experience with one Aspie but Aspies in general based on lots of post I've read here in addition to my experience so don't think of this as specifically being about her because it is NOT.
Inconsistency & hypocrisy with it is the big problem; like an Aspie can be very clingy, needy affectionate ect but suddenly become withdrawn when their partner starts receipting it. Then when their partner becomes withdrawn because he/she think the Aspie wants space or because he/she becomes busy for a bit doing something; the Aspie may suddenly become clingy ect again & get upset about their partner being withdrawn
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
If you're not finding girls mentally stimulating enough, it's not because they're NT. It's most likely they're just not intelligent enough for your standards. There are plenty of Aspies who just have average intelligence. AS does not decide ones IQ, nor does being NT. For the record I've never dated a girl with AS, I only knew one from my high school. And I found her to be incredibly annoying and uptight about everything.
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