Butters wrote:
Okay so my partner has been so sweet and so caring and has been working very hard to improve our relationship. I've told him thank you and he says its okay... but I really want to do or say a little more. I'm not sure what to do, see emotional stuff overwhelms him.
and I want to do something small. Nothing too overwhelming.... We are long distance so its difficult for me to really " Do " anything
Any ideas on something small?
Maybe this is part of the whole NT/AS difference in perception. As an NT, you feel this need to do something more. You'd enjoy it if you were the recipient.
To the guy with AS, a sincere thank you is infinitely better than any kind of "something more."
You mean well, but I think this is an excellent observation of an issue which would cause communication problems between aspies and NTs.
My suggestion: Flat out tell him, "I sincerely thank you. I feel a need to express this thank you with more than just words. Please tell me something you'd like me to do. And yes, I feel the need to do something. This isn't just for you, it's about me, too. It's about us."
Something like that. In other words, so he knows it's not just about him, but that you feel some need to do more than say thank you. Because, that is what this is about in part. Don't pretend this all about how wonderful he is. Part of this, OP, is for
you more than him, because he seems more than content with thank you. However, if he understands this is more for you than him, he'll actually be more receptive. If he thinks it's just for him, it'll feel frustrating that he has to put up with "something more" when he feels your "thank yous" are more than adequate. If he knows it's for you as well, he'll be more receptive.
02 Jul 2012, 10:01 pm
