Overpossessive BF.. Please tell me what to do

Post Reply New Topic

Before i started dating my bf, he was very sweet. when we started dating, he started getting too possessive. He would object me from seeing my guy friends whom I have known for very long. Suspect me of cheating if my ph wud be busy for too long coz i wud be talkin to my mum. He did not want me to wear short skirts and objected to my style of dressing which is actually trendy and not indecent. He wants me to remove my friends from Facebook list and not txt certain ppl too. Last week he saw me txting over dinner and started demanding to know who i was texting. To me its unethical for someone to peek in your phone and deemand to know whether u r cheating or not. And i have not cheated on him. He creates a scene in front of the the restaurant staff and grabs my ph and starts checking. I cry in the car and he does not stop at my home and says he will drive the whole night till he gets an answer from me and starts bashing the car's steering wheel. Finally he agrees to drop me home and tries to barge in my house and i dont let him and tell him i dont want to see him agaibn and that i am not answerable to him. He calls me a slut and slaps me.. please tell me what to do

You need to get away from him, he sounds crazy. I suggest you break up with him when other people are around, too. Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone you're going to get a restraining order against him...and then follow through.

Leave him.

There are lots of insecure people out there; he sounds like one of them.

Maybe he has had girls cheat on him in the past.
It's happened to me, although it hasn't affected me in that way.

For some girls/women, there is a subconscious attraction to posessive/jealous types of guys ; and of course the feeling of attraction is often not something that is a conscious choice. If a guy does not want the girl to date other guys, then in return he cannot date other girls.
Posessive men tend to have dominating, aggressive, strong and seemingly confident minds, which creates a feeling of attraction and feeling wanted. Many women with borderline personality disorder are particularly attracted to posessive men.

Some very posessive guys have two personalities : There's the obvious posessive side, driven by the want to have you just for himself ; but the other side is like having a demon inside his head that 'wants' you to to cheat on him, so he can play the sympathy card ( I doubt this is it in your case though )

Whatever it is, if you've given him chances to change his ways, and your relationship is becoming destructive as a result of his behaviour, then you need to get out of it.

I'd ditch the guy. He might learn to be different over time but it doesn't sound like he will do that while he remains with you.
I'd be honest and say why to him, that you care for him but he is too possessive, jealous, paranoid and you can't handle it any longer. Also reassure it is not because you found someone else, just that he drove you away.

Regardless of whether you explain your reasons or not, this type of guy will give you a hard time about leaving him so you might as well get your reasons in anyway. If he mentions those reasons to his friends and doesn't make up any stories, there's a chance they might agree with you and it would help him rethink what he's done maybe if not for you but his future gf's.

Hello divineangel,

From reading these lines, sounds like there's a lot of jealousy going on too. Maybe he doesn't have as many friends as you, eh?



If he made a scene in front of the restaurant staff it's clear he's dangerous around everyone. This indicates to me even more that you should dump him. Also, still jealousy going on there with the request to remove your Facebook friends. How many friends does he have on Facebook?



Seriously, like the other people on here are saying, dump him. But first, maybe tell him that he shouldn't take out his jealousy on you and that he should try to respect other people's situations in life.

I would dump him. He sounds like a nutjob. Life is too short for that kind of stress. You deserve better.

Chuck him.

When I started reading I thought its only going to get worse...then as I kept reading I see that it did get worse. I married a man like him. Minus the violent outburst. It only got worse. I couldn't go anywhere without being accused of cheating. If we were together he insisted I was looking at other guys. He would accuse me of dressing "sexy" for work because he said I was cheating on him at work. He told someone I was cheating because I bought new underwear! The list goes on and on.

But since he put his hands on you, all of that other stuff is neither here nor there. You've got to leave him and call the police.

Run very far away. There is no other answer.

He does not love you, he sees you as an object he can control. If he loved you; he would treat you right.

His behavior is offensive, and illegal. If he hits you, call the police.

But you shouldn't even be seeing him anymore.

Get away. Pieces of s**t like that are weak, insecure cowards. They pick on women because men will beat the s**t out of them.

Get away. It will keep getting worse. Your not married, you don't have kids,

GET AWAY


If you can't tell, piece of s**t waste of life guys like that are my pet peeve.

Don't be one of those women who thinks she can change the man she's with. That never goes too well.

I knew I forgot something.

YES! People like this pray upon women who think they can change a man. They think "this one will be different; I can change him."

They know that and will abuse it.

He behaved very differently when he was wooing me..he was treading very carefully coz he knows am an independednt girl, more educated than him, and live life on my own terms. The reason y i trusted him was coz he was my classmate for years in high school..and we met when he saw me at a club and apparently fell for me after like 10 years of leaving school. I never really allowed myself to get too attached to him coz i felt there are some traits of possessiveness in him. We have broken up a lot many times before over phone jus coz of this paranoid nature of his. he has frustrated me to the core so many times by accussing me or making me feel guilty about not calling him if leave my work or to work or out with friends. I was out for lunch for 45 mins with a guy friend in the afternoon, (who my bf knows and says he trusts) and in 45 mins (which included ordering, eating n payin the bill) i started getting txts sayin "its been too long, u shud leave now", "u r enjoing with other ppl n not me". and then when i left he says i dont like it when u meet guys alone... he has called me names on the oh like slut 3-4 times, apologised and swore he wud not do it again, but still continued. I have broken up with him so many times due to this nature of his. He reaches a conclusion all the time n feels for sure i will cheat. He says if i marry you, how can u take care of me n my family if u have a career?? u shud help me in my business..basically i feel he wants me to cut off from all areas where he cannot keep an eye on my movements.

[quote="Chris71"]There are lots of insecure people out there; he sounds like one of them.

His ex-gf apparently got engaged and told him after she got engaged about this. I told him to let go of hos past and trust me, but he says that he is out of it...when we started dating and i had to visit my parents, he actually told me that i think u r goin thre to get engaged to someone. I was dumbfounded and knew that he had his insecurities. He has repeatedly called me names on ph and frustrated that he cannot control my actions. Demanded that i dont even have a singlr drink on my B'day party. I am 27 for crying out loud, and tells me dont wear dresses that are revealing. Your pics on fb shud be removed too, not everyone shud have the right to see it in ur friend list. and apparently these are the ame pics he liked on fb..i am attractive, yes.. guys do get attracted to me..But am rigid and not the easy type at all. and i hate possessive ppl, thats y i broke off so many times. I miss his presense, yes, but he hit me, and am sure he may do it again.

when we had fights, and i wud cry, he wud be calm for 3 days, and day 4 the same story wud start. so ya, he cannot change, i guess he pretended to be diff initially to woo me, but his true colors are those of a controlling guy.

This. This guy sounds more than just insecure - he sounds dangerous! The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be to escape.
Good luck - I'd hate to be in your situation right now. Your friends will understand you didn't want to be separated from them and will likely help you get out.
If you can't break up safely in public, you may need to text your breakup and "disappear" to a friend's house he doesn't know of. If you have stuff at his place, either pack up the essentials when he's not home or be prepared to abandon them - an abuser will use every bargaining chip they can.

He slapped you - that alone should convince you to leave for good, but you should seriously consider making a police report on it. Can anyone verify it? See what's needed for a restraining order and possibly an assault charge.