advice on meeting his mother?

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I've been in a long-distance relationship for a bit over a month. We had talked about how important it was to meet in person before we decided just how serious the relationship is or isn't and whether we want to take it further romantically or not. (We've known each other since November 2010 and know that we want to continue to be important friends in each others' lives even if things don't work out romantically.)

I figured out the logistics of coming to meet him (we are both on disability so money was a big issue, but I will have enough money this winter to come out to visit.) He seems happy but concerned. He lives with his mother and he has told her that I have autism and she's not thrilled about that. I'm glad he has been honest with her but I am very nervous about coming out to visit (I would be staying in her house.) (I am 45, my boyfriend is older than me, his mother is elderly.)

I guess I'm looking for a couple of things: stories from anyone else who has done something similar would feel supportive to me. This is such a big unknown and that's part of what's making me nervous.

Also, I've always been the girl that boyfriends' mothers hate -- does anyone have stories about making a good impression on a partner's mom or advice that might be helpful to me? Of course I will be on my best, most respectful behavior but I know how it goes -- I'll mess up something, somehow, without even knowing what I did ... or probably not even knowing that I did anything at all until someone gets upset with me and then I'm left trying to figure out what I did wrong and how to fix it ...

And it's half an entire year until I can go out there so I've got six months to build anxiety and completely freak out over this.

Anyone else been through something similar?
Thanks in advance for responses.

Sparrow

I would definitely get the cheapest and nearest hotel to where he lives to avoid any domestic issues or upsetting the mother.
It might work in your favour and show you don't just expect to be staying there. Maybe you could spend the odd night at his mom's place.

If you are an anxious person I'd definitely prepare to come out your shell just for the duration of the holiday to show affection to your partner, but don't make it seem deliberate by only doing it at certain times. Also, if you are happy (I hope meeting him makes you happy ) and open and honest it should make a better impression overall.

All the best with your relationship!

Be yourself. Take it slow. I agree with JanuaryMan in that you should plan to stay at a hotel/motel or find a b&b if you need someplace quieter. I don't think it would be a great idea to stay with them especially if his Mom is already apprehensive? Although what she imagines you are like is probably totally different from how you actually are and you may just surprise her.

Meet with your guy first. Spend a day or two with just the two of you and then meet Mom. When you do finally meet, don't forget to breathe!

I was never good with meeting the parents. I was more clumbsy than usual. Couldn't answer all their questions without rambling my head off and then having to start and stop and lose my place ugh it was so horrible. I couldn't look them in the eye which was sort of opposite of me because I seem to stare at people without actually looking "at" them. It was hard to not freak out when they watched me. I went through a lot of internal anxiety and I'm sure some of it showed or made me seem a bit stand offish.

I was nervous for the first year or so and then it hit me that I didn't really care what they thought of me. If they couldn't see that I'm a good person with quite a bit to offer then fooey on them! I was more worried with what my then boyfriend thought and he loved me which made it easier to put all those nervous feelings his parents brought out in me aside and just be happy. My Hubby's parents took 3 years to start treating me like family. I knew I was in when we went to a theater and I got to hold the popcorn. His Dad always, always held the popcorn so that was a huge moment for me.

On a side note. Stay away from any caffiene prior to the meeting if caffiene makes you anxious or gives you the jitters.

Lots of luck to you!!

I think wht you need to remember is that it isn't you that she doesn't like. I have realised since becoming a mother that i know that nobody will ever be good enough for my son and daughter to date. It is just how it is. I can now respect that my partner's parent's can dislike and me and even if i was identical to his mother, i would still never be good enough. I don't let it bother me and instead i have to think, i need to respect this person, i may not agree with them and they may make me really angry and upset, BUT they raised and molded the person i love into who they are and THAT deserves my respect.