Communication

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Opinions please...

My wife is away with our son for a week with some other people. She rings up stressed saying our son has been cranky and then after she teased him about something he hit her. I spoke to my son saying you need to be a good boy for mummy and behave yourself . I also told him that I loved him. He is only 8. He was also crying.
My wife got really pissed off because I didn't actually say the words, don't hit your mum. She said that was another example of poor aspie behaviour. I was appalled because I mentioned his need to behave himself. She could of easily just said.. Can you tell your son that he shouldn't hit me. that wold of been a direct statement for what I had to do. I told him he had to behave but that wasn't enough.

Then she says he has been focussing on the negatives like u and your family do. Then the phone rings 10 minutes later and I thought she was going to apologize, instead she berates me saying one of her friends is getting up our son because you didn't. Thankfully I had a nt friend with me and they said u did nothing wrong.

Okay, so she's taking a swipe at you for not directly telling your son not to hit her, but she says it through a(n) (somewhat) indirect method? I can kinda see where confusion could be had.



That's a low blow! Not to mention the fact that she pointed it out is also focusing on the negative.



I'm with your NT friend on that, you didn't really do anything wrong! Perhaps there was a miscommunication somewhere, but I don't think your wife's reactions were in the least bit appropriate!! Good on you to keep your cool and ask a friend about it!!

I'm going go out on a limb here~ Does your son have Aspergers or any Aspergers traits?
Perhaps she's very frustrated about Aspie issues & directing it at you

May not be a bad shout as it looks like it due to the behaviour.
Also I wonder if it turns out he is, I'm wondering if she's putting it to blaming you for passing it down as such. (Perhaps not genetically but more to do with the child picking it up at some point.)

I would have told him that you NEVER hit women period.

I do agree with that as I don't condone what the boy did but what's to say he'd have behaved after the talk and the wife did not call back?

Why not 'people'? Why just 'women'? We're all equal now, right? Either it's alright to hit everyone who annoys you regardless of sex, or it's not alright to hit anyone who annoys you.

I would of said don't hit anyone but I would of also told the wife that she shouldn't tease him when he's upset. One of my cousin's kids is diagnosed with Aspergers & I see family joking with him when he's obviously in a bad mood & getting frustrated & they keep going & then he gets upset & yells or something & he gets yelled at or threatened to be punished or gets a time out or something for not behaving. I really hate the way NTs push with the joking & teasing & seem to get an enjoyment out of pushing someone to their limit

Hey that's a valid point! Why would the mother tease her own son about being upset rather than giving him support and conformity?
OP, we need more testimony on the child's feelings before his retaliation and your wife on why she teased him?
At this point I think that AScomposer has it spot on as it fits pretty well but more info is needed on the child regarding any disorders and feelings before he retaliated and why the wife thought she should tease him.

No my son definitely does not have aspergers..

I'm old school gentleman.

I have to say that I think her criticism was unfair.

I mean--she's a mother. I've taught pre-school and I can't remember how many times I've told kids not to hit others--why can't she just say it herself? I have an eight year old son, and if he hit me I would tell him it's not ok. I wouldn't expect or berate someone else for not telling him.

I mean, it's not like you ENCOURAGE him to hit her or anything.

So, I can see why you might feel down--as it's really not fair criticism.

I don't know enough about your relationship to say anything else. Just don't feel bad about yourself for what she said--you didn't do anything wrong.

Also, maybe she's just really frustrated because she's got to take care of the child all by herself. It can be very frustrating and hard to know you're doing a lot of child care, need a break, and the other parent isn't there to help. So, maybe she's just exhausted, and she snapped at you.

Well you certainly shouldn't hit anyone for annoying you as that would be assault and possibly manslaughter. If it is in self defence and the woman is attacking you, you should by all means attempt to restrain her by means that are necessary to the situation.

If a woman is annoying you, take control, be assertive and give her a good spank if you share an intimate relationship, women love that.