Obsessions getting in the way of dating

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I am obsessed with buses, especially the bus I get to work and the drivers that operate it. I love my obsession, and writing stories about the bus-drivers does help me to relax (I have anxiety issues). But a guy asked me out today, and although I really do want a boyfriend, I don't want him to know I like all these bus-drivers because he might, you know, get upset. I have pictures of buses on my laptop (with the drivers in them), I have writing pads everywhere full of stories about bus-drivers, and I have a lot of recordings on my phone of me having conversations with one of them (I used to just have a friendly chat with one of them, but I can't at the moment because he's off sick).

What do you do with your obsessions when you first date men? I know the best bet is to go out with a bus-driver and be done with it, but that's easier said than done because they all seem to be married or too old for me. Why do some Aspies even have to have obsessions with people? Has anyone else been in this situation? Is it possible to have a relationship and have an obsession over certain people at the same time?

I used to be obsessed with my ex's because I was hurt by them both and I couldn't stop thinking and talking about it but I think this was more OCD than AS since these obsessions were not pleasant and it's not like I enjoyed them but yet it does get blamed on my AS. But I would talk about them and none of the men seemed to mind nor my husband. So I would say it is possible.

I would say "Don't talk about them" but I know that can be hard to not do it and it take lot of energy to hold it all in and not let it out. But I was lucky that no guy judged me for it and if they did, I never knew about it.

I'm mainly attracted to Asian men so technically that's an obsession. I just don't pay attention to any other kind of guy. Is this detrimental to me? Of course. It's narrow-minded. In the back of my mind I could probably be just as happy with a white or black or Hispanic guy, but on dating sites, I only cruise Asians. in any case, I'm only half-looking because I don't see a relationship in my future because of my quirks anyway.

Having an intense interest in bus drivers is a bit...different. I guess, Joe90, it doesn't matter what race they are as long as they're a bus driver you'll date them? If it's getting in your way of having a truly meaningful relation, then yeah, it's a problem. If, however, you have no intention of getting into a relationship, then it's okay.

Well a lot of guys do like buses, they are really big cars and a lot of guys like cars.

Not sure what to say about the bus driver part though.

Obsessions are obsessions at the end of the day...
Do I personally believe you'd let it get in the way of having a relationship?
No... if anything you adapt to the obsessions when your in a relationship.
Though I do think it's more irrational fear that you have...

I'd casually introduce it... "I have a thing for buses and the people who drive them - I just think it's really cool..." and move on. It's not that big of a deal - it's a "hobby" and part of who you are. For me it's trains and computers (possibly cartoons and nukes too.)

I might get along well with a steampunk gal except many of those are also druggies and athiests... not very compatible.

Just don't forget your partner by being stuck in your obsession of choice... I terribly regret that. Too often, I'd neglect her or my kids because I was stuck in an "Aspie Loop"...

I like to photograph trains; if I had a gf who enjoyed doing that, s**t son I'd be happy.

Maybe you can broach the conversation by asking if he likes cars/buses.

I know my obsession (hockey) gets in the way during the season (late September to April). Since most of the games and play I watch are on Friday and Saturday nights, guess where am I 90% of the weekends? Women probably get the idea that all I care about is hockey but that couldn't be further from the truth. Bottom line:when your life is otherwise empty you need to fill in the time as much of possible and keep busy.

I tried to 'set aside' some time for dating but quickly realized that was a huge mistake because I usually ended up alone and feeling miserable.

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